August 5th, 2006
- End all your sentences with “at least that’s what they say in the UK.”
- Smatter phrases throughout your conversations like: “bloody crazy (or bloody ‘ell)”, “cheerio”, “there’s a queue at the loo”, “right-o”, “god save the Queen”, “good god I think he’s gone mad”, “mind the gap”, “bullocks”, “six of one fish n’ chip is like half a dozen of another fish n’ chip”, “crikey” and “dare I say there’s a turtle in my soup!?”
- Stand with one foot at an angle in front of the other, while keeping your left hand perched on your hips, while wearing an eye-patch and drinking a dark thick stout beer.
- Talk often about your experience in Parliament and your desires to become a barrister, so you may “dispatch baddies, assist Scotland Yard and restore order and culture to the United Kingdom.”
- Insist to everyone around you that you were knighted by the Queen.
- Never ever, no matter the circumstance…brush your teeth.
- All first dates must include Earl Grey tea.
- When opening a door for ladies (of which you should always do), make a click-clicking with your tongue and exclaim, “There you go, girl!”
- When drinking a beer of any kind, always extend your pinky finger to illustrate how cultural you really are.
- Above all — always denounce the Scots, especially at parties.
Posted under 10 Rules, British. |
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As I read this, the voice in my head sounded very British, I’ll have you know.
(Also, I received your book in the mail today. Thanks for the note. I can’t wait to read it. Already, just by having the book’s presence in my house, I feel my life getting exponentially better.)
Comment by Jen — August 5, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
Weird, I have no British heritage and yet I do 9, 7 and 3 all the time.
Comment by susan — August 5, 2006 @ 4:38 pm
Jen - The Lost Blogs totally will make your life better. And when it becomes a TV show it will make EVERYONE’S life better. As for reading this post with an accent, that’s what you were supposed to do.
Susan - Gotta love the eyepatch.
Comment by Pauly D — August 5, 2006 @ 5:14 pm
You forgot “lovely.” Everybody says “lovely,” and everything is “just lovely.”
Likewise, when you open that door, it would be “There you go, love.” Also, you’ll want to order a “lager” or a “pint” instead of a beer.
“What’ll ya have, love?”
“I’ll have a pint please!”
“Lovely!”
Comment by Dave2 — August 5, 2006 @ 7:34 pm
and “brilliant.” everything is “brilliant!”
Comment by jg — August 5, 2006 @ 8:36 pm
“Gorgeous!” is oft-used to describe food.
And I can’t help wondering if someone, somewhere is confusing his attorney with the person who serves him his latte every morning.
Comment by Alison — August 5, 2006 @ 8:45 pm
Above all — always denounce the Scots, especially at parties.
I resent that remark strongly! (Well…then again, I have both Scottish AND English ancestry! And I love bagpipes!)
Comment by Anne — August 5, 2006 @ 9:23 pm
And phrases like “Aren’t you a cheeky monkey?” and “Have you gone mad?” are also winners.
Comment by Karl — August 5, 2006 @ 9:26 pm
Anne - Aye, I’ve got a little bit of the Scot in me too. But when I’m pretending to be British, I denounce them nonetheless.
Comment by Pauly D — August 5, 2006 @ 9:27 pm
The pipes are in me blood too much to deny me ancestry!
Oh, and if you’re really serious about copying those Brits…my neighbor and her daughter are Brits (the daughter just came over) and instead of saying “everything”, she says “everyfing”.
Comment by Anne — August 6, 2006 @ 7:13 am
Anne, I’ve noticed that too–”everyfing” instead of “everything”, but its only some Brits who do it. I can’t quite figure out the pattern. Like, you’ll never hear Chris Martin talking that way.
As for “crikey”, Paul, whoever heard of anybody British saying “crikey”? I mean, I’m no Crocodile Hunter, but I was pretty sure that little gem of a term was restricted to the Outback.
Comment by Lacy — August 6, 2006 @ 9:49 am
Lacy - In lieu of deleting your comment for your blatant harassment, I will instead just leave your comment there and tell you that “crikey” does, in some instances, convince less educated individuals that you are British.
Comment by Pauly D — August 6, 2006 @ 9:53 am
the words “mind the gap” are on our subway system doors here. perfect! i love how they say that one too, something with the extra “r” in that word that isn’t actually there.
Comment by better safe than sorry — August 6, 2006 @ 10:05 am
To sound British, I just try and sound like Austin Powers. Yeah Baby!!!
Comment by The Centaur — August 6, 2006 @ 11:28 am
splendid guide. very useful, indeed. will apply the appropriate immediately. thank you.
Comment by treespotter — August 6, 2006 @ 11:37 am
when we were in london we noticed that the “default face” of nearly every brit riding the tube was unsmiling, lips closed, with a bloody big overbite. whenever i pretend i’m british, that’s the face i effect.
oh, and i always refer to my bathing suit as a “swim costume.”
Comment by dgm — August 6, 2006 @ 12:18 pm
Swim costume! That’s a good one! When you put your swim costume to use, will you put your swim gear into the boot of your lorry?
Comment by Anne — August 6, 2006 @ 12:53 pm
anne, are you telling me to shove it?
Comment by dgm — August 6, 2006 @ 6:28 pm
I don’t know…am I? What does “shove it” mean?
Comment by Anne — August 6, 2006 @ 6:37 pm
DARN! I can do all of them but denounce the Scots…..
Comment by Kathleen — August 7, 2006 @ 11:10 am
Stand with one foot at an angle in front of the other, while keeping your left hand perched on your hips, while wearing an eye-patch and drinking a dark thick stout beer.
I think you may have confused british and pirate on this one.
Comment by ACG — August 7, 2006 @ 11:50 am
ah, where was this list when I was in London?!
Comment by C(h)ristine — August 7, 2006 @ 10:24 pm
No offenece but this list is stupid, please tell why to be british I mustnt brush my teeth and since when do modern british people say cheerio. Also its bollocks not bUllocks. I could go on about what else is wrong with this this but i dont have the time.
To be british you have to be born there. Be proud of the fact that the British empire was the biggest ever.
Say morning, smile or say hello etc. top people you see in the street. Depending on where you are.
Hate commuting. Such as travelling by tube etc.
Also have a love/hate with the states.
The truth is British is just British all Brits are different, thats what so cool about Britain.
Comment by A Brit — August 15, 2006 @ 5:19 pm
Also another reason this list is stupid is because british people are scottish.
Comment by A Brit — August 16, 2006 @ 1:53 am