Words For Your Enjoyment: Animated Toe Fungus

Can you smell it?

Friday is here. A combination of buttered popcorn, vodka tonics, fresh air, old three-hole punched paper, burned rubber, licorice, beer, garlic bread, pizza and sushi all wrapped up into one very exciting day. At least, that’s what I smell when I think of Friday. You, as your own distinct living organism, may smell something completely different.

But can you smell today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment?”

WFME’s Treasurer of the WFYE’s Ambassador Club, Jeff writes: “Have you done a post on thick yellow toenails yet? Or that disgusting commercial where the toenail fungus lift up the big toenail and crawl in? If so, please point me to it. If not, please make it so!”

Just the fact that Jeff used the words “thick”, “yellow”, “disgusting”, “fungus” and “crawl” made his WFYE suggestion a no-brainer. And I know you agree.

So let’s talk animated toe fungus.

First and foremost, when addressing the medical animations companies use on TV to get you to use their products, there is no way we can not address the “animated toenail fungus creature” who lifts up someone’s big animated toenail (like it was a car trunk) and jumps inside where the rest of his animated toenail fungus friends are tearing up the joint inside. While visiting a foreign world I have never visited before (the fungus infested world under my toenail) is almost as entertaining as visiting the world of Shrek — it’s the physical/animated act of lifting up someone’s complete big-toenail that gives me the willies.

Shock and awe, people. Shock and awe.

None of us want to ever think our entire toenail has the kind of flexibility that a Cirque du Soleil contortonist troupe has, and none of us wants to see our toenail defy gravity, and none of us definitely want to see a smug little DeVito-esque fungus creature lift our contortonist toenail up off the skin and jump inside. It’s horrible. And the visual, performed in cartoon-form, is graphic enough to get us to ponder (for a split second) if our toenails are brittle, yellow, and infested by the entire cast of Animal House.

Even worse, though, is the fact that the creators of the Lamisil animated toe fungus commercials have not only decided to show you your brittle yellow toenail, the snarky little fungus creatures who like to live inside your brittle little toenail, and the animated moment of that little fungus bastard lifting up your toenail with reckless abandon — but they’ve created an animated world infested with the little buggers to strike at your emotional core.

I can’t help but imagine the very calculated meeting that the people from Lamisil had with the director who pitched his take for this commercial:

Lamisil: “So, what do you have in mind for the commercial?”
Director: “I see an abandoned land. Desolate. Isolated. Stinky and soft to the touch.”
Lamisil: “Go on…”
Director: “There were days when this land had flourished. When there was nothing but sweet smelling air and frolicking in the streets. That is, until…THEY came.”
Lamisil: “Ooh, go on…”
Director: “The creatures descended upon the little covered land with the hunger of a thousand scavengers, devouring, contaminating and destroying… The land was never the same ever again.”
Lamisil: “And how do you feel about having these creatures lift up someone’s big toenail like it was the hood of a big ’69 Mustang?”
Director: “With animation…I can do that.”
Lamisil: “Nice. Very nice.”

Yes, by creating living and breathing creatures with the vocal stylings of Joe Pesci, and then by letting them root around under your toenail (ouch!) — the sick minds over at Lamisil are getting people left and right to take off their socks, examine their toenails, and nervously wonder if the land of “Fungaltown” is living inside of it.

It’s a wonder other products haven’t gone down this pathway as well.

I just thank my lucky stars that the creatives over at Pepto Bismol never invented a team of animated pink roly-poly stomach virus bugs (with the voice of Pee Wee Herman) who leave a trail of disgusting black feces while inside your stomach — and can only be destroyed by flooding them with a tsunami of thick pink liquid that smells like rotten Necco wafers.

That would probably gross me out even more.

Even more than the evil fungai and their nail-flipping insanity.

16 comments on “Words For Your Enjoyment: Animated Toe Fungus

  1. dgm - August 4, 2006 at 8:52 am -

    aw, how could you want to kill something animated? animated is so cute. haven’t you heard that silent killers are in? who doesn’t want to cuddle with giant microbe plush toys, http://www.giantmicrobes.com/calamities/ebola.html?

  2. Elisa - August 4, 2006 at 9:02 am -

    thank god i’m not the only one morbidly disturbed by those commercials.

  3. Jen - August 4, 2006 at 9:14 am -

    Oh, you’ve struck a nerve here, as I always have to look away during the Lamisil commercial. But how do you feel about Mr. Mucus?

    Also, you mentioned Pepto Bismol here. What about the ridiculous dancers in that commercial, singing about diarrhea? Isn’t that enough to make you shudder as well?

    I think we outta ban the personification of ailments, such as toe fungus, congestion and indigestion. Thoughts?

  4. Pauly D - August 4, 2006 at 9:16 am -

    Jen – I think I subconsciously erased Mr. Mucus from my brain. He’s like a really bloated version of Jackie Gleason mixed with Chris Farley. And he’s green. Ick.

  5. Nicole - August 4, 2006 at 10:45 am -

    Between the Lamisil toenail fungus creature and the Mucinex mucus-man, I simply can’t watch commercials anymore — the animation of these ailments makes me throw up a little and then gives me nightmares. Thank God for TiVo!

  6. Lisa - August 4, 2006 at 1:02 pm -

    What about the one for Zoloft with the little bouncing circles that look all depressed? Then Zoloft comes on the screen and they are so happy….seratonin baby..YEAH!

  7. Julia Farley - August 5, 2006 at 1:44 am -

    Oh. Monostat would have a field day with this sort of animation job…and I mean of the most interesting field variety. Those toe dooodes squick me out in some very pre-regurgative ways. And I don’t even *have* toe fungus. I am so very not a foot person (‘ceptin the pudgy clean baby types. Thems I love to kiss) and the very mention of thick yellow nails……well…you can only imagine.

    I mean, couldn’t they just use Condi Rice as a spokesperson:

    “You know what? Flying all over the world to facilitate peace is HELL on my dogs! But, on Air Force One, I make sure that I get served a full tube of Lamasil with my Mojitos at lunch time. It’s how a real working girl gets through the day!”

    Go Condi, itz yer birtday, go Condi, itz yer birtday.

    I bet, if she threw in a Mucinex, a Zoloft and say…a Pamprin, that world peace thing would be a slam dunk. Fo Shizzle!

  8. Pierce - August 5, 2006 at 2:52 am -

    We have this advertisement over here! For once I don’t feel confused and irrelevant.

  9. better safe than sorry - August 5, 2006 at 5:16 am -

    you completely lost me as soon as you mentioned licorice, mmmmmmmmm.

  10. Sarcomical - August 5, 2006 at 7:56 am -

    that commercial makes me angry. i hate that that little creep. and i hate that toenail-lifting; it makes me hurt.

    whatever happened to a harmless middle-aged guy woefully telling the tale of bodily malfunctions and then prescribing an antidote, a la the 70’s and 80’s?

  11. sarah - August 5, 2006 at 8:21 am -

    that toenail monster is so creepy and when he opens that toenail to hop inside, i have to hide my eyes! personally, i like the new geico commercials with little richard, charro, and burt b. and the sexy old men talking about ED (“i got the diabetes and my wang wont get hard!”)

  12. Jeff - August 5, 2006 at 12:33 pm -

    That’s what I like about you Pauly – you’re a servant of the people’s wishes. Thanks for making my dream of a post about thick yellow disgusting toenails come true!

  13. cutiepie - August 6, 2006 at 7:23 am -

    Speaking of spooky commercials w/ little men in them….. What’s the deal with that Burger King commercial with the meat stackers and the replica of the dude from Fantasy Island??
    Now that one kept me up a few nights……….

  14. Monica Ricci - August 6, 2006 at 6:38 pm -

    Oh GOD it’s not just me then. That disgusting little toe fungus guy is bad enough on his own, but when he lifts the toenail up?!? Anyone unlucky enough to be in the room screams and turns away from the screen in horror. It’s so vile. Add that to that gross slimy looking walking, talking phlegm-monster Mr. Mucus, and you have the perfect diet plan. Ugh.
    ~Monica

  15. […] Lamisil (For Toe Fungus): $4.00 […]

  16. […] Then I decided, you know what? Susan technically asked me TWO questions and since I’m really good at avoiding most questions I don’t want to answer I would instead focus on the question, “Whose life is more exciting than yours?” But quickly, as I focused on the question, the list of people whose lives were more exciting than mine just grew and grew and grew. Names like Vice President Cheyney and Carrot Top filled my head and the depression and despair grew and grew like a festering growth on ones’ toe that could only be destroyed by WFME’s beloved Lamisil. So instead, I decided to tweak Susan’s question and tell you exactly whose life is less exciting than mine. […]

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