Can you smell it?
Friday is here. A combination of buttered popcorn, vodka tonics, fresh air, old three-hole punched paper, burned rubber, licorice, beer, garlic bread, pizza and sushi all wrapped up into one very exciting day. At least, that’s what I smell when I think of Friday. You, as your own distinct living organism, may smell something completely different.
But can you smell today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment?”
WFME’s Treasurer of the WFYE’s Ambassador Club, Jeff writes: “Have you done a post on thick yellow toenails yet? Or that disgusting commercial where the toenail fungus lift up the big toenail and crawl in? If so, please point me to it. If not, please make it so!”
Just the fact that Jeff used the words “thick”, “yellow”, “disgusting”, “fungus” and “crawl” made his WFYE suggestion a no-brainer. And I know you agree.
So let’s talk animated toe fungus.
First and foremost, when addressing the medical animations companies use on TV to get you to use their products, there is no way we can not address the “animated toenail fungus creature” who lifts up someone’s big animated toenail (like it was a car trunk) and jumps inside where the rest of his animated toenail fungus friends are tearing up the joint inside. While visiting a foreign world I have never visited before (the fungus infested world under my toenail) is almost as entertaining as visiting the world of Shrek — it’s the physical/animated act of lifting up someone’s complete big-toenail that gives me the willies.
Shock and awe, people. Shock and awe.
None of us want to ever think our entire toenail has the kind of flexibility that a Cirque du Soleil contortonist troupe has, and none of us wants to see our toenail defy gravity, and none of us definitely want to see a smug little DeVito-esque fungus creature lift our contortonist toenail up off the skin and jump inside. It’s horrible. And the visual, performed in cartoon-form, is graphic enough to get us to ponder (for a split second) if our toenails are brittle, yellow, and infested by the entire cast of Animal House.
Even worse, though, is the fact that the creators of the Lamisil animated toe fungus commercials have not only decided to show you your brittle yellow toenail, the snarky little fungus creatures who like to live inside your brittle little toenail, and the animated moment of that little fungus bastard lifting up your toenail with reckless abandon — but they’ve created an animated world infested with the little buggers to strike at your emotional core.
I can’t help but imagine the very calculated meeting that the people from Lamisil had with the director who pitched his take for this commercial:
Lamisil: “So, what do you have in mind for the commercial?”
Director: “I see an abandoned land. Desolate. Isolated. Stinky and soft to the touch.”
Lamisil: “Go on…”
Director: “There were days when this land had flourished. When there was nothing but sweet smelling air and frolicking in the streets. That is, until…THEY came.”
Lamisil: “Ooh, go on…”
Director: “The creatures descended upon the little covered land with the hunger of a thousand scavengers, devouring, contaminating and destroying… The land was never the same ever again.”
Lamisil: “And how do you feel about having these creatures lift up someone’s big toenail like it was the hood of a big ’69 Mustang?”
Director: “With animation…I can do that.”
Lamisil: “Nice. Very nice.”
Yes, by creating living and breathing creatures with the vocal stylings of Joe Pesci, and then by letting them root around under your toenail (ouch!) — the sick minds over at Lamisil are getting people left and right to take off their socks, examine their toenails, and nervously wonder if the land of “Fungaltown” is living inside of it.
It’s a wonder other products haven’t gone down this pathway as well.
I just thank my lucky stars that the creatives over at Pepto Bismol never invented a team of animated pink roly-poly stomach virus bugs (with the voice of Pee Wee Herman) who leave a trail of disgusting black feces while inside your stomach — and can only be destroyed by flooding them with a tsunami of thick pink liquid that smells like rotten Necco wafers.
That would probably gross me out even more.
Even more than the evil fungai and their nail-flipping insanity.