Mel Gibson: The Cover-Up Continues

You may or may not have heard about this yet.

But the Cliff Notes’ version is that Mel Gibson was arrested for driving almost double the speed limit over the weekend in Malibu, CA while intoxicated — and while being carted away for his DWI, he decided it would be the perfect time to try and escape, start hurling anti-semetic comments at officers and even say sexually-explicit comments to female officers at the police station. Above all, not the smartest thing for a Hollywood actor skating on the thin-ice of the star-system.

But there’s more to the story that even the papers have yet to report (which was leaked to me late last night from a close friend who lives in Malibu) which has convinced me that the massive Mel Gibson cover-up continues…

While the local police department is already embroiled in a scandal regarding the fact that their initial arrest report did not include the Gibson tirades (in an attempt to help him safe face), there were other things Gibson expressed his thoughts on that also did not make it into the reports. The local police are smart in this way — they’ve given the news reporters the “big morsel” of the anti-semetic comments in the hopes that people won’t dig any deeper to find out about all the other things Gibson said.

But like I said… I have connections.

Apparently, when Gibson was being arrested (after trying to escape) but before he was cuffed and placed into the back of the police cruiser, Gibson went off on a tirade about bagel dogs, saying: “If I want a [expletive here] bagel, I’ll buy a [expletive here] bagel. If I want a [expletive here] hot dog, I’ll go buy me a [expletive here] hot dog. But when in my [expletive here] lifetime have I ever wanted to wrap a [expletive here] hot dog in a [expletive here] bagel!?”

At this point, the Malibu police subdued Gibson, getting him into the back of the police cruiser and having the officer drive the Hollywood star to the local station. It was then (as it has been reported) that Gibson began to shout expletives, begin his anti-semetic tirade and threaten death to the police officer. But after he calmed down a little and before they reached the station house, Gibson got extremely angry once again.

According to anonymous sources, it was then that Gibson began screaming angrily about Jamba Juice (a famous Southern California juice smoothie store) and how, “those [expletive here] juice drinks are never completely blended!” He went on to hyperventilate and then exclaim, “Do you think I want a [expletive here] chunk of pineapple or peach at the bottom of my [expletive here] juice cup that won’t even [expletive here] fit through the straw!? No [expletive here] way. So now I have to [expletive here] open the top of the drink and stab at the [expletive here] piece of fruit just to get it small enough to suck up through that [expletive here] straw… I’m going to [expletive here] kill someone first!!”

The officer, who was noticeably nervous about his precious yet inebriated cargo, tried to simply ignore Gibson’s rants and concentrate on getting him fingerprinted and registered upon reaching the station.

Yet, although reporters and news outlets are claiming that Gibson made sexually-risque comments to a female officer while being arrested at the Malibu police station, it seems that Gibson also made startling comments about other things as well. Apparently, while Gibson was being fingerprinted he lashed out the officer doing the deed and began to complain (with expletives) about TiVo. He said (and this is loosely quoted): “Why the [expletive here] can’t I just completely jump over the [expletive here] commercials!? I mean, what [expletive here] idiots created that [expletive here] TiVo!? No [expletive here] commercials, okay!? Not to mention, when I [expletive here] try to forward through a show and I hit that [expletive here] fast forward button… I can never control that [expletive here] button. I always [expletive here] overshoot where those [expletive here] commercials end and the [expletive here] show begins!!”

Needless to say, the fact that we just haven’t heard about these additional tirades of Gibson’s just proves that a cover-up continues in the quaint, rich little city of Malibu, California.

Here at WFME, we hope that bringing these latest details into the public consciousness helps bring justice to an already flawed Hollywood-influenced legal system.

20 comments on “Mel Gibson: The Cover-Up Continues

  1. Jen - July 31, 2006 at 9:09 am -

    I love how Jamba Juice is now a “Southern California” thing, when in reality, it started in my hometown of San Luis Obispo. Which SO isn’t Southern California. Next time you’re there, check out the sign about where it all began. I can say that I was one of the first people to have a Jamba Juice (then it was called Juice Club). In fact, I’m thinking of having that inscribed on my tombstone as my claim to fame.

  2. Dave2 - July 31, 2006 at 11:16 am -

    [expletive here]

  3. susan - July 31, 2006 at 11:52 am -

    Two things: Why doesn’t he have a chauffeur drive him around when he’s wasted? – That’s what I’d do if I were mega-rich like MG! And did the report also cover up MG’s rant about those {expletive here} bread bowls?

  4. jerry - July 31, 2006 at 12:11 pm -

    Ok. I get the whole bring up the Jews thing when you have a movie coming out in which the Jews play a important part (The Passion of the Christ) but why bring them up when your next movie has nothing to do with Jews or Monotheism for that matter? How does that sell any tickets? He should have said South American peoples smell like gucamole or something like that. Hey, Gravator, it sounds like maybe his dad was his chauffeur.

  5. White Bread - July 31, 2006 at 1:12 pm -

    WTF? I thought he was a teetotaler.

  6. Hilary - July 31, 2006 at 1:43 pm -

    Does this mean bagel dogs are making a comeback? I used to love them when I was a kid.

  7. sandra - July 31, 2006 at 2:03 pm -

    I’m so glad I have you to come to when I want hard journalism.

  8. Nomad - July 31, 2006 at 2:18 pm -

    Mel and Tom should live on an island together far away.

  9. Pauly D - July 31, 2006 at 2:21 pm -

    Hil – According to Gibson, he [expletive here] hates them. So, I guess you have to decide if you’re going to be Pro-Bagel Dog and Con-Gibson OR Pro-Gibson and Con-Bagel Dog.

    Sandra – The world needs independent voices to the major mainstream press outlets. A voice that doesn’t bow to pressure. That reports the honest, real truth. I’m glad you focused onto my strengths here with this piece.

  10. Mr. Joshua - July 31, 2006 at 3:17 pm -

    Never would’ve happened if Endo hadn’t got sloppy in first place.

  11. Matt - July 31, 2006 at 9:05 pm -

    All is not well in the place where all is well.

  12. Michelle - August 1, 2006 at 5:00 am -

    Well I never would have thought MG’d be capable of such attrocities, but there ya go!

  13. cassie-b - August 1, 2006 at 6:03 am -

    He seems to be on a rapid path to self-destruction. I wonder how often he drinks, which I’ll bet is the bottom of this problem.

  14. C(h)ristine - August 1, 2006 at 9:05 am -

    maybe he’s doing some method acting and he’s reprising his role as the crazy alcoholic Riggs in “Lethal Weapon.”

    Oh wait. Riggs wasn’t an anti-Semite!

  15. shawna - August 1, 2006 at 2:00 pm -

    I hate to admit that I am on the Mel train, But I agree…Jamba juice does need to blend their [insert expletive here] drinks better!! It’s enough to make you drink and drive and become VERY sexually, risque…


  16. Chris - August 2, 2006 at 8:00 am -

    Mel is weird! Check him out!

  17. Julia Farley - August 2, 2006 at 3:54 pm -

    See, here’s the thang. I think we should put Mel in a cell with Elmo. Give Elmo some crack and some White Out to sniff. Then, let him go all Hezzybollllllaa-izzy on Mel’s white non-fluffy ass, all the while munching on a Hasidic-Schnitzel. Then, while bloodied about the head and neck, have Jessica Simpson come in in a thong and pour some of that Jamba Juice down his craw.

    Works for me.

  18. Rain - August 3, 2006 at 12:32 am -

    Gibson complaining about a piece of fruit?pfft. You would think that he would complain about the price per gallon ($21.82) of Jamba Juice. Oh wait, he makes to much money to complain about that one.

  19. […] First we were leaked sensitive information about Mel Gibson’s tirade… And now one of the biggest questions in the world of Hollywood is finally going to be answered. Just where oh where is the Cruise/Holmes’ baby Suri? Where has she been? Why has no one seen anything but a lump in a blanket? […]

  20. Chris - August 6, 2006 at 6:39 pm -

    Mel is a drunk bigot!

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