WFME’s Declaration of Dependence
July 4th, 2006
I need you.
I really really really really need you. And not the kind of surfacy-needing you that makes you laugh a “ho ho ho he’s so funny” kind of laugh, but the real emotionally-invested kind of needing. The kind of needing a newborn has for its mother. The kind of needing one person has for another after they’ve been together in a relationship for so long that they has little independent thought remaining. The kind of need that can only be satisfied by 24-7 attention.
Yes, people. This is just part of my declaration of dependence.
Some people would call it an unhealthy bout of dependence. Some would say, “Dude, why don’t you just get off your ass and take a shower and maybe even shave your face and go outside where the sun is shining and wash your car and go frolic in your grass and then maybe go to the store where you can get one of those hybrid eyebrow brushes that both trim your eyebrows and pluck errant and long eyebrow hairs all at the same time?”
But would that really alter my need for your attention?
The reality is that the truths of my dependence on you, dear readers, are self-evident. That while I have been endowed by my Creator (i.e. Wordpress) with certain digital rights and features (among which are trackbacks, pings and a great referral flow chart) that to secure such attention from you I must deliver upon you “content”, derived from my brain and set forth here on this page. And while some of my words may become destructive to these ends, it is the right of the readers to alter or abolish it via the comments section, and to institute new opinions, laying the foundation for future powerful posts, which will effect their humor and happiness.
Yet even with all these posts and these words, I find I am still dependent on you.
Perhaps the recent milestone of hitting half-a-million unique visitors in the last 9 months has made me want you even more than before. Perhaps my chemical inbalance and my past experiences in a local “facility” has made me an attention-deficit-disorder-whore. Perhaps none of that matters since today is the day that I declare my dependence on you — which may be enough to continue the cycle of co-dependence we have for each other.
I never got what was so bad about being dependent on someone anyway.
Do you?
In any case, I’d like to wish all the readers of WFME a Happy 4th of July (or Happy “Bimbo” instead). I hope you and yours have a wonderful day… And remember:
If you blow off your fingers, you won’t be able to leave comments here, so you might as well just put down the bottle rockets before someone gets hurt.
I’m so relieved to learn that we have an authentic co-dependent relationship. I thought it was all one sided with my needyness. WOO!
Comment by ginger — July 4, 2006 @ 12:07 pm
Wait–they have something like that for eyebrows?
Dependance is fine right up until the point one of the parties decides to take advantage. You seem relatively harmless: count me in.
Welcome back to my blogroll after a fit of sheer jealousy on my part, by the by.
Comment by Trouble — July 4, 2006 @ 1:13 pm
I thought you were about to break into song.
I need you… like the winter needs the spring, you know, I need you.
Well well well, half a million visitors? I think you should present another comment challenge. I would say a million comments is nothing with half a million visitors.
I need you back for my daily dose of jubilee.
Comment by jacquie — July 4, 2006 @ 1:15 pm
do you need us all equally, as we have been created, or do you need some of us only 2/3 as much as the others?
Comment by dgm — July 4, 2006 @ 1:35 pm
Heh. You said you were endowed.
*snort*
Comment by Chase — July 4, 2006 @ 1:37 pm
Oh, Chase.
Comment by Pauly D — July 4, 2006 @ 6:51 pm
Does this mean we all have to go to therapy together?
Comment by Neil — July 5, 2006 @ 4:18 am
in the ‘old media’ that sort of self admitting vulnerabilities usually leads to the introduction of subscription only services.
are you selling porn?
Comment by treespotter — July 5, 2006 @ 5:01 am
I have visited your site from 3 different computers. So, technically you will have to subtract 2 from half a million….
Comment by Mich-1l-e — July 5, 2006 @ 8:02 am
Mich-1l-e: I think less disturbing than the fact that you use three computers to surf the web is the fact that you spell your name with the number “1″ in it. What does that say about you, I wonder.
Comment by Pauly D — July 5, 2006 @ 8:08 am
I blame my parents. I ask - Doesn’t eveyone???
Comment by Miche-1l-e — July 5, 2006 @ 8:33 am
well I demanded you, but you haven’t shown up yet.
Comment by Kathleen — July 5, 2006 @ 1:35 pm
it’s that whore-like add quality that draws me here…lol
Comment by thoughtsgalore — July 5, 2006 @ 6:01 pm
What do you do if you can’t leave because the other party is dependent on you? The guilt trip and trap of a marriage of 50yrs
Comment by Anita — July 7, 2006 @ 4:35 am