Ah, glorious Friday.
And what better way to enjoy the day before an extremely-long holiday weekend than to point your eyes in the direction of this weeks’ “Words For Your Enjoyment? Where the readers supply the ideas, they get a little bit of credit for doing so, and I do my best to craft a myriad of words for all of you on the subject.
And well, today — yes, it’s no different.
This week, WFYE submission two-timer Mark writes: “Can you give us your thoughts on people who spend money to have their names put on bricks? This is really becoming widespread.”
Indeed it is, Mark.
The reason why people pay hard-earned cash to get their names on bricks (which are often the kind of bricks used to build University expansions, church annex buildings, walkways in public works buildings, and many other places you’d probably only show up to if there were people walking around in formal attire feeding you free taquitos and mini-burgers off shimmering platters) is because while the really outgoing people of this country show up on American Idol for some easy, embarrassing attention…the rest of us need our own 15 minutes in the sun.
But your name on a brick? C’mon, now.
I know a person. And hypothetically, let’s say this person’s first name begins with an “M” and their last name begins with an “S” and they live in Los Angeles in a town whose name begins with a “BRENT” and ends with a “WOOD” and they drive a car whose name sounds like, um let’s say…”PER-SAYDEES” and it’s silver and they have a personalized license plate that (and I’m just making this up here) says something crazy like “GRL4YOU” and this person actually spent a thousand dollars to get their name on a brick at a local university and they’re constantly wondering if you’ve seen it. Hypothetically, of course. In fact, they’re always suggesting a “trip to the local University for fun” when in reality it’s because they want you to see their name. On a brick. On the ground. Where people walk. Over it. On top of it. Dirtying it up. Scuffing up the name, on the brick, on the ground.
Are people really that desperate to leave their mark on society that they’ll pay to put their name on a brick?
Sadly, yes. And while they’ll tell you that they are doing it because they wanted to donate to a good cause, or give something back to an institution… They’d never do it if it didn’t involve getting their name on the brick. Sure, there are rich people who just donate tons of cash to build schools and hospital wings and what not. They do this all the time, it’s like brushing their teeth it’s so second-nature for them. But the rest of us? The people who live from paycheck to paycheck? How do you get people like that to give up 500 to 1000 bucks? Because, let’s be honest — nobody in their right mind would pay $1000 to sponsor a brick if it didn’t include their name on it.
Or would they?
That’s why, starting soon, I will be offering readers of WFME the opportunity to donate $100-$500 to the WFME re-imagining project. That’s a project that will basically do a whole bunch of imagining and re-imagining and it will be very well received and extremely fun to be a part of and by donating a monetary gift to this extremely great philanthropy project you will receive…your very own imaginary brick.
Better than a real brick that I keep and cement into my surrounding property, this imaginary brick is something you can take with you wherever you go. You can keep it in your glove compartment, you can carry it on your shoulder (where it will magically balance), you can have your name on it or change the name on a daily basis depending who your best friend is on any given day. You can throw it at passerbys and still retrieve it in a split second without ever having to get out of the car from which you hurled it. You can keep it in your purse, in your pants or in your fanny-pack.
An invisible brick, you say, is crazy. Who in their right mind would want to spend their hard-earned money on something they can’t see, that seems useless and that people really couldn’t care less about no matter how much you try to make them care about it? That would seem, oh I don’t know, kind of insane.
Yeah. I know.