Your Silent Cry Is Worth Its Weight In Gold

There’s a reason someone stole Evard Munch’s famous painting “The Scream.”

It’s because the art thieves who stole it knew something very very important. They knew that the silent cry is the most powerful facial expression in the history of the world. They knew that the painting, which symbolizes all that is, mute sadness, is more influential than money, more convincing than words and the most unnatural facial expression accompanied by zero sound ever.

That’s why your silent cry is worth its weight in gold.

Let’s face it. Silence scares people. From a boyfriend who says nothing when you ask him where he was all night to everyday mutes and mimes. From standing in the middle of a midwestern corn field and hearing no crickets to coming home to your house at night and saying “hello” and getting no response. The lack of sound accompanied is often more freaky than a moldy block of cheese in your fridge’s “crisper” drawer.

And this is no more true than when we examine the silent cry.

As we very well know, there is a huge list of categorized cries. They include some of the more well-known public cries to the more obscure ones. Here is a partial list of some:

  • The sniffling-snot cry
  • The red-eye allergy cry
  • The ugly-face heaving shoulder cry
  • The coughing mucus cry
  • The dehydrated “stranded on a desert island” moist-less cry
  • The still eating a bread-roll cry
  • The using someone else’s shoulder to cry on, cry
  • The lower part of my t-shirt can also be used as a tissue, cry
  • The incoherent out-of-breath trying to explain yourself, cry
  • The screaming cry
  • The wailing cry
  • The threatening to throw a vase at you, cry
  • The every-five second subtle sniffle (with perfectly timed single tears rolling down your face) masculine cry
  • The “I’m crying inside” cry
  • The “strike-a-pose” runway-model cry
  • The turning away head swivel cry
  • The Tourette’s cry
  • The “I Wish I Was In Vegas” cry

But why isn’t the “silent cry” on that list?

Because the silent cry is the most powerful, eerie cry ever. It is the one cry that will get you whatever you want, win whatever arguments you’re having, and turn back the hands of time on break-ups, divorces, hit-and-run accidents, traffic ticket run-ins with the law, parking space disagreements, in-elevator button pressing discussions, potential job-losses, unemployment payments and much much more.

So what exactly is it that makes the silent cry so disturbing? It’s the visual of watching someone’s face contort, their mouth opening and shape-shifting by the second, eyes pleading, tears streaming…and there being no sound whatsoever coming out of their mouth. It’s how you’re looking at them, right there across from them, and you know they’re crying and they’re hurting inside but there’s no soundtrack to the sadness. It’s like having The Ring on TV with the sound completely off. It’s unnatural.

And so are you and your silent cry.

But if we were going to be glass-half-full people, we would remember that sometimes the unnatural is the most beneficial thing in the world. Sometimes, you can use such evil silent cries to your advantage. And while you cannot weigh a silent cry (as some have tried since hearing that their silent cry is worth its weight in gold) you can use such an ugly, soul-shaking, freaky-face contortion to your advantage in getting what you want in life.

Maybe that’s why I wrote this. Maybe I admire you and your silent cry. Maybe I wish I could have zero sound come out of my mouth when the emotions are too great to keep inside?


12 comments on “Your Silent Cry Is Worth Its Weight In Gold

  1. jacquie - June 29, 2006 at 8:23 am -

    I concur!

    The silent cry got me out of many a speeding tickets. I’m not sure what the value of gold is at this moment but I’m sure what I saved on court fees would be somewhat close.

    Thankyou for another poignant post!

  2. annabel lee - June 29, 2006 at 8:37 am -

    [This is a silent comment. Is it worth its weight in gold-plated nickel?]

  3. monkeyinabox - June 29, 2006 at 8:37 am -

    I silently cry every time I visit this site, but it’s tears of joy, tears of frickin’ joy.

  4. jacquie - June 29, 2006 at 9:03 am -

    did you say this was only a partial list???

  5. Pauly D - June 29, 2006 at 9:06 am -

    Jacquie – Yeah, there’s about 45 other documented cries, including the “fatigued cry”, the “Back to the Future George McFly cry” and my all time favorite… the “I Have the Power of Greyskull” cry.

  6. Jerry - June 29, 2006 at 9:28 am -

    I once mistakenly interpreted a man choking at a restaurant table for the silent cry and sympathetically imagined the woman he was with just told him she was leaving him for another man. Luckily their server was not as melodramatically inclined as I and saved his life.

    Powerfully deep prose today, Paul.

  7. sandra - June 29, 2006 at 2:12 pm -

    I won’t be doing the “I Wish I Was In Vegas” cry for the next few days. Why? Because I’m going! Tomorrow!

    You did forget a key one, though — the “why don’t they re-run 90210 anymore” cry.

  8. dgm - June 29, 2006 at 6:05 pm -

    and all this time i thought the figure in “the scream” was supposed to be a representation of that kid mccauley culkin plays in “home alone.”

  9. susan - June 30, 2006 at 7:00 am -

    Add to the list: The I’m-mad-because-you-made-me-cry-and-I-get-all-red-and-puffy-when-I-cry Cry.

  10. susan - June 30, 2006 at 7:02 am -

    Oh and don’t forget Demi Moore’s single big juicy teardrop falling down her face while working on a pottery wheel because her boyfriend who only says “ditto” is dead. Wah, I feel like crying now!

  11. Sumi - June 30, 2006 at 10:13 pm -

    The silent cry wakes up the rain-gods and then it rains , very silently.

  12. Kristine - August 1, 2006 at 3:24 pm -

    Take two hands,
    a heart full of grief,
    rip wide the cage to ease its release,
    Oh, scream I cannot stand…

    In 1983 I illustrated this. In 1993 I made a sculpture described here. It too dissapeared.

    Maybe I should make another? Would the monetary needs I have ease up?

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