Quotes From A Blogger

Let me ask you a question.

The day you find yourself transformed from a normal everyday blogger to a Related Resource & Link on a legitimate PBS blog that discusses culture, arts and film — what’s the next thing you do to keep your voice and your opinions in the forefront of the major media’s minds?

Yes, that’s right. You offer up even more opinions about a variety of subjects.

Seemingly, these days, newspapers and magazines and online sites are quoting bloggers on a variety of subjects. From politics to entertainment, from government conspiracies to money matters — what some bloggers say has become the digital gospel of the Internet world.

Which got me to thinking.

I decided that I do have quite an array of opinions on a wide variety of subjects and would use today’s post to offer up my opinions in an easy-to-cut-and-paste “quote-ready document” so the major media and reporters of the World can simply use these quotes in their upcoming articles and TV reports. I think I’ve pretty much covered any and all major events or subjects and I welcome reporters to use these quotes by “well-known Internet personality and author/blogger Paul Davidson” at their discretion. I will, as always, keep you updated as to where and when they’re sited.

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on the war in Iraq:
“There’s no war in Iraq. The media wants you to think there’s a war in Iraq. So does Sean Penn. But there isn’t any war there. They’re faking it just like they faked the moon landing and the last two elections.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on President, George W. Bush:
“Personally, I have a hard time respecting a President that so closely resembles a monkey in a baseball cap, throwing his feces around his cage until the zoo-keepers have to come and clean up his own mess.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on prisoners-of-war:
“People don’t know it, but you get three square meals a day when you’re a prisoner of war. It’s not a bad deal. Just ask John McCain — he ate like a king when he was trapped in that dirty hole in the jungle.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on celebrity babies:
“I completely disagree with celebrity babies.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on teachers sleeping with their students:
“I don’t know what the problem is with teachers sleeping with their students. It represents the first time, in a long time, that teachers are actually doing what they’re being paid to do. TEACH. Hell, as long as they’re teaching them something…”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on Bryan Singer’s upcoming film Superman Returns:
“A movie doesn’t just become “super” because you added the word in the title. Shame on you Mr. Singer. SHAME. ON. YOU.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on Supermarket’s open-air deli/salad buffets:
“Today’s open-air deli buffets are breeding grounds for poison.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on SUBWAY’s spokesperson and dieter Jared:
“Did you know Jared actually was never fat? That SUBWAY hired Rick Baker, the Hollywood make-up man who has done everything from Planet of the Apes to The Nutty Professor, to put Jared in a fat-suit for the original commercials? Did you know Jared actually has a really high metabolism? Did you know these things? I did.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on the Opera:
“The Opera was invented by the Nazis. That’s why I’ll never be caught dead at the Opera. Plus, if I had gone to the Opera during World War II, I’d probably be killed anyway since the Nazis invented the Opera.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on the trend of bloggers videotaping themselves:
“Bloggers who videotape themselves and rebroadcast the footage on the Internet are the kind of people you’d expect to eat the last mozzarella stick off a restaurant appetizer plate.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on cheese, in general:
“As a blogger/author, I am not a fan of cheese. On the whole. I think it promotes lethargy and as a blogger/author I do not want this country to get any lazier than we already are.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on the avian bird flu:
“If you get the Bird Flu, you’re either eating bird feces, hugging bird feces or living with bird feces. If you’re doing any of those things…yeah – you deserve to die.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on friends:
“I’ve never been a fan of friends. In general, I think friends are just fake acquaintances who are just setting you up one day to ask for money to borrow.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on brunch:
“Brunch is just another attempt by corporations to get Americans to eat their body weight in food. Before you know it, they’ll be selling us on Linner (a lunch/dinner hybrid), Brunner (a breakfast/lunch/dinner hybrid), Super Brunner (a super sized version of breakfast/lunch/dinner) and Brunnerack (a breakfast/lunch/dinner hybrid with a late night snack involved). Bastards.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on citizen’s inability to remember their alarm code:
“Americans can’t remember their alarm codes because they can’t remember who they are because they’re drinking tap water because the news tells them they’re not getting enough chlorine in their water but in reality it’s not chlorine the government wants you to drink, it’s the mind-altering drugs they want you to drink, that will make you forget your alarm code and your liberties all at the same time.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on affection:
“I kick people who use affection to get what they want out of life.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on rocks:
“Rocks are hard. Really hard. I stand by that opinion wholeheartedly.”

Blogger/author Paul Davidson on air:
“Do I like air? Sure. Do I use up more than my share? Never. Do most people? Yes. It’s just another example of selfish people who think air just grows on trees.”

15 comments on “Quotes From A Blogger

  1. Keith - June 22, 2006 at 9:19 am -

    It’s “lunner,” not “linner.” You know, the lunch-dinner thing.

  2. Pauly D - June 22, 2006 at 9:21 am -

    Keith – Says who?

  3. Jen - June 22, 2006 at 9:31 am -

    OMG, that just cracked my shit up. Thanks!

  4. monkeyinabox - June 22, 2006 at 9:48 am -

    I’ll file this away for my next press conference. Good stuff.

    But, what about celebrity babies holding rocks that have a trace of bird flu but also the alarm code etched in? WHat about a blogger video taping himself while eating brunch while dressed to look like President Bush in a monkey suit while discussing the Iraq war and cheese?

  5. Pauly D - June 22, 2006 at 10:39 am -

    Monkey – My opinion on your question is that I’m not a fan of your question.

    In the meantime, click here.

  6. Kevin - June 22, 2006 at 11:03 am -

    I completely agree with you on Jarrod from Subway. Never thought of it before. You learn something new here every day, don’t you?

    Avian bird flu… there’s no such thing. It’s a conspiracy by glassmakers the world over trying to cover up the fact that a greater number of birds are dying on a daily basis from flying right into their ultra-clear glass panes. They don’t want to see their glass sullied with those insipid bird silhouette stickers, so they developed “avian bird flu” to explain the spike in deaths.

  7. sandra - June 22, 2006 at 11:42 am -

    I love cheese.

  8. Brooke - June 22, 2006 at 1:19 pm -

    I like air too.

  9. Nanette - June 22, 2006 at 2:36 pm -

    Love it!

    [Note to self: be thankful that the attempt at a video post last night failed because the file was too large…]

  10. Eve - June 22, 2006 at 8:13 pm -

    I agree with the rocks accessment as well as the memory loss of our freedoms and liberties because of the tap water drinking. And I say, down with cheese!

  11. T. Malone - June 22, 2006 at 10:38 pm -

    “I completely disagree with celebrity babies.”

    Normally I’d be 100% with you on this, but just recently I read Moxie Crimefighter Gillette’s powerful manifesto on antidisestablishmentarianism and its effect on diaper rash. Amazing stuff. It’ll change your world P., I swear it will.

  12. cassie-b - June 23, 2006 at 5:17 am -

    I wanted to tell you which one I liked best, but it’s really a tie. Everyone gets first place!

    Good luck with your new career of being quoted.

    Cas

  13. Peter - June 23, 2006 at 10:28 am -

    Love it.

    This post is why God – and to a SLIGHTLY lesser extent Al Gore – created the internet.

  14. Thoughtsgalore - June 23, 2006 at 7:02 pm -

    Ooooooh hunny you forgot “Champagne Brunch.” I love those! Yummmmmm. Craving one of my favorite mexican restaurants in So Cal and a nice little Sunday Champagne Brunch. Aaaaahhh. Very very nice thought. Not only meant to stuff…but stuff…buzz..and make a nap in the afternoon sooo needed.

  15. Sarcomical - June 23, 2006 at 10:55 pm -

    whew! good thing you got all those pesky quotes out of the way so that The Media can snag them up, as i’m sure they’ve all been waiting. 😉

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