I Refuse To Say ‘Uno’ In Uno
June 7th, 2006
All I ever wanted in life was a little consistency.
Honestly, is wanting consistency in the world that surrounds me really that much to ask for? Is wanting the world and the rules and the laws to make sense really something so outlandish to desire? Is hoping for Peace on Earth really going to happen and are people really going to get along if chaos is being secretly engineered behind the scenes by those in charge? I say no.
That’s why I refuse to say “Uno!” in UNO.
If you haven’t ever played the game of UNO you probably need a quick orientation. UNO is a game where you hold a group of cards in your hands, each one with a number on it and associated with a certain color. The goal is to get rid of all your cards before anyone else by placing those cards on the master pile. If the current color on the pile is red, you can put down reds. If the current number on the master pile is “2″, you can put down any card in your hand that has a “2″ on it. You can also throw down super cards that make your neighbor draw-2 or draw-4 cards.
But when you put down your second to last card, you must say Uno!.
If you don’t, you get penalized and you sort of get screwed… Simply because in a game that is 99% in English some game inventor decided wouldn’t it be hilarious if after playing a whole game in the main language of the United States that players would have to learn a word in Spanish in order to win the game.
Which I totally disagree with.
That’s like making you play Trivial Pursuit in all English and then that final question you get…the one you need to answer to win the entire kit and kaboodle would be read to you in Spanish! You would NEVER be able to answer it. Or what about playing Twister, and then right there on the last bit the person with the spinning wheel would say something to you like “rojo de la mano izquierda” or “azul del pie derecho”? Or what if you were playing Cranium and then for that final “Creative Cat” question you had to mold Spanish-made adobe clay into a Spanish character denoted by a Spanish phrase on the Spanishy-themed card?
Can I get a big NO THANK YOU from the studio audience?
Sure, you are possibly saying to yourself, “But dude, it’s only ONE word. Can’t you just swallow your single language world and say one single word?” Uh, no. That’s like telling someone why can’t you just say one single curse word? I mean, you’re against cursing, but just this once (and every time you have one card left) you have to say the F word or else you won’t win the game.
Same thing goes for the Spanish word “Uno!” or, in English “One!”
That’s why when I play the game of UNO, I refuse to say the Spanish word. When I have one card left I simply shout “One!” with reckless abandon. And then I throw down my second to last card on the top of the master pile and do you know what everyone around me says?
“Dude, you didn’t say Uno. Now you get penalized.”
Penalized. PENALIZED? No matter how often I try to explain my position while playing UNO, none of my American-born friends seem to care. Those are the rules, they’ll tell me. That’s what it says in the instructions, they’ll cry. If you don’t say that one single word you’re going to be penalized and then lose the game. And no matter how often I try to explain to them that by doing so we’re giving away our individuality and our independent nature that was so eloquently created on July 4th, 1776 in the Declaration of Independence…
They don’t seem to care.
So until they DO seem to care it looks as though I will only be playing UNO with people who play the game in ALL ENGLISH. Which is nobody. Which is why this world is really a sad place. Which is why I hope this post will wake up some of you and get you to realize that none of us have to say Uno! if we don’t want to. That we can say “One!”, we can say “Second to last card comin’ up, baby!” or we can even say “I refuse to speak in Spanish at this part of the game no matter what ridiculous rules we’re meant to believe we’ve got to follow…” and we can stand strong in the process.
“Uno?”
I refuse.
Ohhhh man, and for years I’ve been saying “Uhhhhhhhh NO!” when I’m about to win. Oh well. I wasn’t very good with Spanish in high school.
Comment by monkeyinabox — June 7, 2006 @ 9:06 am
In the xbox live arcade it sounds like “oh no!” when the game says uno.
Comment by kristin — June 7, 2006 @ 9:44 am
Jajaja, que loco gringo! Aqui en America Latina dicemos “One!” cuando es la ultima tarjeta. Kristin! Huggles!
Comment by Nick — June 7, 2006 @ 9:49 am
Pull a prank on them and, when you have two cards left, have them together in your hand so it looks like one. When they call you on not having said “uno,” you slyly shift them apart. After all, if they call you out and are wrong, they get penalized instead. Then they might stop calling you out to task. Finally, you can throw down your last card in piece.
Comment by Kevin — June 7, 2006 @ 9:55 am
If they promise to yell “ONE!” in Mexico and Spain (and wherever Spanish is spoken) when they are playing Uno, will you relent and say “Uno” when playing it here?
Comment by susan — June 7, 2006 @ 10:02 am
I shudder to think what happens when you eat at a Mexican restaurant… does a burrito become a “bean and cheese roll-up” then? How in the heck do you order a Chalupa at Taco Bell!
Comment by Dave2 — June 7, 2006 @ 10:12 am
Susan - Yes. Totally.
Dave - Good question, and here’s a good answer. Mexican restaurants have the ENTIRE menu in Spanish. Therefore, in that scenario I would REFUSE to call a Bean Burrito a “bean and cheese roll-up” for the same reason…I mean, why would they have 99% of the menu in Spanish then expect me to refer to something in English.
Now, this brings up an important IKEA moment. Because after going through 90% of IKEA with all those strange names and then showing up at the little cafe at the end of IKEA (where you can buy food), I refuse to order a “Vanilla Cone” or a “Hot Dog.” Keep the naming/language scheme continuous. Let me call a Hot Dog a Javornik or let me call a Vanilla Cone a Navocochan.
But please, let’s stick to one language people.
Comment by Pauly D — June 7, 2006 @ 10:22 am
I love Uno. In fact, I love games in general. And yet I’ve never noticed the inconsistency in language of which you speak (or, write). I simply shout “Uno!” because that’s what you’re supposed to do. After all, it is the name of the game.
Comment by Nicole — June 7, 2006 @ 11:30 am
Jajaja, gringo loco! Aqui in America Latina dicemos en ingles “¡One!” cuando es la ultima tarjeta. ¡Y Kristen! ¡Huggles!
Comment by Nick — June 7, 2006 @ 12:18 pm
Yes my friend - you must stand strong!
And know that when you play games at The Malone’s house, the rules that involve foreign languages or hard math are Totally Optional. We even accept fart noises for most of the History or Science questions in Trivial Pursuit. We should really have you over for game night some time.
Comment by T. Malone — June 7, 2006 @ 1:23 pm
I’m sad to tell you that my extremely competative nature dictates that I would be the one yelling “PENALTY!” becuase you said “one” instead of uno..
Comment by Bre — June 8, 2006 @ 6:06 am
Bre - How did I know this about you?
Comment by Pauly D — June 8, 2006 @ 6:18 am
I’d think “Ok, so he’s a little strange.” Then next time say “one” in German, thereby proving my own strangeness.
Comment by Anne — June 8, 2006 @ 6:22 am
Man, you’re playing cards with some real hard-cases.
Comment by Belinda — June 9, 2006 @ 1:40 am
I’m all for playing by the rules where you say the F word when you have one card left. I think that might actually make the game interesting.
Comment by Rabbit — June 9, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
A “burrito” would be a baby donkey, right? I wonder what they would do at Taco Bell if I said “I’d like a little ass, please.”
Comment by Sally — June 15, 2006 @ 11:44 pm