My decision is not what you might have expected.
Being faced with getting hit in the head with an anvil or a dead kangaroo’s carcass is one thing. Trying to decide between the name “Jon” versus “John” is another. But all famous sayings aside, when you really sit down and think about it, wouldn’t you totally rather have a bird in the bush than a bird in the hand?
Literally speaking, I can agree with that mentality wholeheartedly.
First and foremost, there’s a lot of talk lately about this bird flu thing. They say don’t touch birds, don’t caress birds and definitely don’t share needles with birds. The government suggests that you stay away from birds as often as possible and if you happen to come across one in a wide open field…run as fast as you can.
But for a moment, let us forget about the horrid avian flu.
Assuming for a quick moment that none of the bird population has a deadly disease that could end your life within days, then we can revisit today’s “You Decide” question. Assuming birds are cuddly and cute and will not bite your nose or eat your entire winter’s supply of pine nuts — would you rather have a bird (physically) in your hand or a bird (physically) in a bush nearby?
Like I said, it’s a no-brainer for me.
Personally, I don’t want a bird in my hand for a variety of reasons, which include some of the following reasons:
- Not a fan of the scent of a bird.
- Bird feet scratch my skin and make me feel uncomfortable.
- No bird would hold me in its hand, nor could it, so why should I do it any favors?
- Bird rhymes with turd, which is most likely the last thing it’s going to leave on my hand before it flies away but after it’s scratched my skin and made me feel uncomfortable.
- People will think I’m trying to be literarily clever, by recreating one of life’s most famous sayings by holding a bird in my hand.
- Bird also rhymes with curd, which makes me think of cottage cheese which sort of grosses me out (that is, if it’s not mixed with pineapple in a factory somewhere far far away).
- Any bird who trusts a human with strong hands (ME) to hold it, ain’t that smart in the first place.
The list of reasons could go on and on, but instead of convincing you that way, why not look at the simplest argument of them all? In the most basic, honest way I can muster the words: birds belong in the bush.
A bush is a small tree. A tree is where birds live, feed, learn to fly from, hang out, et al. A bush is a living breathing green part of this planet whose true reason for being involves providing a home for birds. As an example, if there had been a famous saying that was something like “Me in your hand is like me in your house” you would easily see the reasoning here. I don’t belong in your hand. It’s not natural. But a house? Hoo-boy, I sure do belong in a house because that’s where I belong. And isn’t it all about belonging, anyway?
And listen, just like I wouldn’t force a penguin into my freezer or force a tiger to hang out in my basement inside the tanning bed — I wouldn’t force a bird to hang out in my hand. Strictly in a real world sense, it just makes zero sense to force a bird to be in any non-nature filled environment, and my hand is defintely not one of those places.
So, in summary: bird in hand, bad. Bird in bush, good.