It’s bad enough that someone has to ask you for a taste of your dessert.
You know who these people are, the ones who sit at dinner with you and decide they’re not going to order a dessert because they’re watching their waist or their daily caloric intake or they just don’t want to impose upon the person buying dinner by adding another twelve bucks to the tab. But ironically, as soon as your ice cream slathered apple pie shows up, they eye your right hand (which is holding the spoon) like a lion ready to pounce. Before long, they’ll ask for a taste…which is just fine by me.
But can you not be an incomplete spoon taster, at least?
I know — it’s time to educate a lot of you out there. An incomplete spoon taster is someone who takes your spoon from you (which you’ve already loaded up with a taste of dessert), puts the spoon in their mouth, takes the taste — but doesn’t fully close their mouth around your spoon so when they take the taste they leave a certain amount of dessert residue on the spoon. Whether or not this is because they don’t want to rub the germs that you’ve rubbed on the actual metal of the spoon onto their tongues, or they don’t want to gross out someone by cleaning that spoon off completely — they scrape enough dessert off that spoon to get the taste, but leave a slither of sweetness left.
What the H am I supposed to do with what’s left?
Am I supposed to then put that spoon in my mouth and lick it clean? NO. Am I supposed to take a napkin, wipe off the remnants of the job you couldn’t complete and then go back to my meal? NO. Am I supposed to stick that spoon back into the dessert, fill it up to the brim, and clean it off myself while trying to keep my mind from thinking about the fact that although I’ve tried to trick myself into thinking there’s no dessert residue under there from your previous taste…that it’s still there?
Being an incomplete spoon taster is like taking someone’s soda, drinking some of it, then letting a bunch of that soda dribble out the corner of your mouth and fall back into the can. Being an incomplete spoon taster is like asking someone for a taste of their chicken breast — but picking up the breast, taking a nice messy bite out of it, then putting it back on their plate to finish. Being an incomplete spoon taster is like dragging four of your fingers across the top of a pristine cake top, and grabbing enough frosting for yourself and then sneaking away into the darkness of the night.
Translation? Stop doing it.
Psychologically, I think incomplete spoon tasters do this because they don’t want the germs of the person who has been licking that spoon clean throughout the dessert process. But ironically, by doing so, they are just leaving their own germs behind and a goopy, melted residue that no one wants to content with. Every time some incomplete spoon taster hands me back a spoon with liquid garbage on it…well, I just want to call for another spoon. Or ask you why you had to let the waiter take your spoon away (since you weren’t having dessert) if your plan all along was to ask for some of mine.
It’s my dessert. Get your own.