Today’s Thoughts On Incomplete Spoon Tasters

It’s bad enough that someone has to ask you for a taste of your dessert.

You know who these people are, the ones who sit at dinner with you and decide they’re not going to order a dessert because they’re watching their waist or their daily caloric intake or they just don’t want to impose upon the person buying dinner by adding another twelve bucks to the tab. But ironically, as soon as your ice cream slathered apple pie shows up, they eye your right hand (which is holding the spoon) like a lion ready to pounce. Before long, they’ll ask for a taste…which is just fine by me.

But can you not be an incomplete spoon taster, at least?

I know — it’s time to educate a lot of you out there. An incomplete spoon taster is someone who takes your spoon from you (which you’ve already loaded up with a taste of dessert), puts the spoon in their mouth, takes the taste — but doesn’t fully close their mouth around your spoon so when they take the taste they leave a certain amount of dessert residue on the spoon. Whether or not this is because they don’t want to rub the germs that you’ve rubbed on the actual metal of the spoon onto their tongues, or they don’t want to gross out someone by cleaning that spoon off completely — they scrape enough dessert off that spoon to get the taste, but leave a slither of sweetness left.

What the H am I supposed to do with what’s left?

Am I supposed to then put that spoon in my mouth and lick it clean? NO. Am I supposed to take a napkin, wipe off the remnants of the job you couldn’t complete and then go back to my meal? NO. Am I supposed to stick that spoon back into the dessert, fill it up to the brim, and clean it off myself while trying to keep my mind from thinking about the fact that although I’ve tried to trick myself into thinking there’s no dessert residue under there from your previous taste…that it’s still there?

No.

Being an incomplete spoon taster is like taking someone’s soda, drinking some of it, then letting a bunch of that soda dribble out the corner of your mouth and fall back into the can. Being an incomplete spoon taster is like asking someone for a taste of their chicken breast — but picking up the breast, taking a nice messy bite out of it, then putting it back on their plate to finish. Being an incomplete spoon taster is like dragging four of your fingers across the top of a pristine cake top, and grabbing enough frosting for yourself and then sneaking away into the darkness of the night.

Translation? Stop doing it.

Psychologically, I think incomplete spoon tasters do this because they don’t want the germs of the person who has been licking that spoon clean throughout the dessert process. But ironically, by doing so, they are just leaving their own germs behind and a goopy, melted residue that no one wants to content with. Every time some incomplete spoon taster hands me back a spoon with liquid garbage on it…well, I just want to call for another spoon. Or ask you why you had to let the waiter take your spoon away (since you weren’t having dessert) if your plan all along was to ask for some of mine.

It’s my dessert. Get your own.

12 comments on “Today’s Thoughts On Incomplete Spoon Tasters

  1. ginger - May 27, 2006 at 10:43 am -

    Ech… I HATE that. I really, really do. Most of the time I say “Get the rest of it!” and make them commit to the entire spoon contents.

  2. ACG - May 27, 2006 at 1:06 pm -

    I am at the point in the evening where I am feeding someone dessert or they are feeding me dessert, no one is thinking about a little ice cream or apple pie left on the spoon.

  3. Jacquie - May 27, 2006 at 4:53 pm -

    eww, that is gross. I would probably have someone just use a new spoon. I couldn’t even eat an incompletely eaten spoon after my own children.

  4. Anne - May 28, 2006 at 7:38 am -

    I think that is disgusting. When one is feeding a little kid, they do what Ginger said and make them eat the rest. If it is someone else, I make them use their own spoon.

  5. nic - May 28, 2006 at 2:55 pm -

    “HERE! TAKE THE WHOLE DAMN THING WHY DON’T YOU?!!”

    (that oughta put an end to that)

  6. C(h)ristine - May 28, 2006 at 4:47 pm -

    my OCD says: DON’T LET SOMEONE EAT OFF YOUR SPOON IN THE FIRST PLACE. I’d hand back the spoon and raise may hand for the spoon (“Uh, waiter? Can I get another spoon?).

  7. Eve - May 28, 2006 at 11:23 pm -

    Luckily, spoon sharing doesn’t gross me out. Now, if you’re like a friggin herpes carrier, then please, have the decency to NOT share things like utensils, cups, the air, with me. Otherwise, there’s probably nothing that would deter me from finishing my dessert. You can drop that spoon on the floor and i’d keep going.

  8. susan - May 29, 2006 at 9:24 am -

    How freaky! You have completely spoken to my soul! What is wrong with those people? Obviously, only those closest to you would ask for a taste in the first place. They oughta know better. My theory previously was that they were being delicate, like “oh, I know I asked for a bite, but I don’t NEED it (enough to be meticulous about spoon cleanage). Message: You wanted it, you asked for it, NOW EAT IT!

  9. Syd - May 29, 2006 at 9:26 am -

    Suggestiion: Tell the waiter to leave the spoons.

  10. parTyChic - May 29, 2006 at 7:00 pm -

    I have to be the one to give them the Amount they can taste. If they want to taste my dessert, I get a new spoon, get the required amount and give it to them.

    They can finish it all off and I will be happy they did not take more than I’m willing to give.

    What can I say, I am selfish when it comes to desserts.

  11. Adri - May 29, 2006 at 7:17 pm -

    grossest. thing. ever.

  12. Nicole - May 30, 2006 at 6:56 pm -

    Sick! I would never, under any circumstances, eat backwashed dessert. And I loves me some dessert. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I would share my dessert at all because I love it so much. Problem solved!

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