Today’s Brief Question About Why You Need People To Carry Your Crap

There’s a reason pockets and purses and briefcases only have so much space to store crap.

It’s because when you leave the house, you should only be able to take with you the stuff you can carry. So if that means you can make it to the car with a cell phone, a PDA, a sandwich and an apple in a plastic supermarket bag, a backpack filled with work papers, something wrapped in tin foil, a small bottle of water and a mini-cactus plant for your office desk…then that’s what you should take.

But why would you bring more than you can carry? Why would you expect that friends and family should be your overflow option in carrying crap? Why do you do this to people over and over again?

That’s my question.

30 comments on “Today’s Brief Question About Why You Need People To Carry Your Crap

  1. Keith - May 25, 2006 at 9:16 am -

    I’m still waiting for it to be socially acceptable for men to have some sort of man-purse. I’ve got to carry my wallet, keys, cell phone and sunglasses case. Heaven forbid I go anywhere that I might need something else, but then my pockets would shear right off my jeans. As it is, I’ve started wearing carpenters’ jeans more often because of the extra pockets.

  2. H.F. Peterman - May 25, 2006 at 9:25 am -

    Pauly, I thought thats what your intern was for. Looks like someone needs to go on a successful pocket diet.

    Keith – It’s not a man-purse, it’s an European Carry-all.

  3. monkeyinabox - May 25, 2006 at 9:26 am -

    Sounds like someone needs some cargo pants.

  4. Pauly D - May 25, 2006 at 9:45 am -

    Monkey – No on the cargos. No on the fanny packs. If you can’t fit them in your pockets, you don’t deserve to have ’em.

  5. Hilary - May 25, 2006 at 9:58 am -

    What about a backpack? Messenger bag?

  6. monkeyinabox - May 25, 2006 at 10:00 am -

    What about those caribiner clips so that you can hang all sorts of stuff off your person?

  7. Pauly D - May 25, 2006 at 10:04 am -

    Hilary – Well, that’s the point. If you carry one with you, and you STILL need to ask other people to hold crap, you’re doing something wrong.

    Monkey – I suggest, if you’re going to talk about caribiners that you look at this post and decide if you’re the kind of man who should be carrying one of those metal monsters.

  8. Merel - May 25, 2006 at 10:09 am -

    What if you’re just plain lazy? I think that is a perfectly legitimate reason! 🙂
    Oh, and men in Europe don’t have man-purses either, just to let you know.

  9. jodi - May 25, 2006 at 10:30 am -

    Pauly, I think people want to have their cake, and have someone else carry it as well.

  10. Bre - May 25, 2006 at 11:47 am -

    I thought that was what personal assistants existed for… hmmm… If they aren’t going to carry my crap around for me, maybe I don’t want one now…

  11. Dan - May 25, 2006 at 12:07 pm -

    I routinely have to carry my girlfriend’s digital camera whenever we go out because “she doesn’t have any pockets.” And I didn’t put that in quotes because she said it, I put it in quotes because it’s a blatant lie. She has pockets, just not ones big enouhg to hold her digital camera. And, honestly, mine aren’t big enough either. It’s not like I’m not already carrying a wallet full of money to buy everything for her. OK, I’ll stop now.

  12. Neil - May 25, 2006 at 12:09 pm -

    You know, in some Asian and African cultures, they carry a basket atop of the head.

  13. better safe than sorry - May 25, 2006 at 12:51 pm -

    alot of times i leave the house with my car keys and debit card, so much easier.

  14. Jerry - May 25, 2006 at 12:53 pm -

    I have always had issues with dudes who need a sunglass case. What is that all about? If you don’t like to hang them from your shirt collar then don’t take them off when you go inside. Make people wonder who are — rock star, fugitive, strung out trust fund child.

    Paul today’s question could really set me off about not only too much crap to carry but also all those people with multiple key chains and too much spare change in the pockets. The might as well walk around ringing a bell to announce their presence.

  15. Jacquie - May 25, 2006 at 12:57 pm -

    so were you forced to do this today or something?

  16. kathleen - May 25, 2006 at 1:36 pm -

    I wonder what’s in the tin foil.

  17. LisaBinDaCity - May 25, 2006 at 2:02 pm -

    And to think I left my cactus as home. Harumph!

  18. Rabbit - May 25, 2006 at 2:50 pm -

    I would totally make someone else carry my cactus. It just doesn’t fit in my pocket.

  19. Belinda - May 25, 2006 at 3:24 pm -

    I want to hang out with Jodi, where someone apparently carries around cake for you!

  20. Jacynth - May 25, 2006 at 3:51 pm -

    This post reminded me of my favorite Jack Handy quote: “You should always carry around two sacks, one in each hand. That way, if somebody asks you to hold something, you can say, ‘Sorry, got these sacks'”.

  21. Anne - May 25, 2006 at 5:09 pm -

    It’s supposed to be a “girl thing” to carry and like purses, but I don’t. I think they’re cute, but I detest carrying them. If it can’t fit into my pockets and still look good (I don’t want to look like I have any more growths on my hips or rear than I already have), then I don’t carry it.

  22. Pauly D - May 25, 2006 at 5:51 pm -

    Anne – You are a GOD among carry-ers.

  23. Dennis Bullock - May 25, 2006 at 7:33 pm -

    I’m with you Paul…..if you cant carry it you dont need it. I carry a small laptop bag to work and can fit everything I need in it.

  24. susan - May 25, 2006 at 8:30 pm -

    I’m not admitting to this offense, but if I agree to not ask others to carry “my crap”, then no one better ask me where THEIR stuff IS. (especially if they have not looked at all!)

  25. Keith - May 26, 2006 at 12:31 am -

    Jerry — re: sunglasses case. I wear glasses normally, and I hardly ever wear button-down shirts. Given that my glasses and sunglasses are prescription and I don’t want to risk the lenses or the frames at all because I can’t see without them, I need a case to carry whichever pair I’m not wearing at the time.

  26. Dave - May 26, 2006 at 4:16 am -

    Keith – I think there is something akin to a manpurse out there. Keifer Sutherland wore one all this past season on 24. Although, to be fair, I think killing dozens of terrorists an hour helps to pull it off without being emasculated.

  27. Syd - May 26, 2006 at 10:11 am -

    Why? Because we just have to.

  28. Eve - May 26, 2006 at 2:32 pm -

    I know of the Overflowers of whom you speak, and I do detest them. I carry the tiniest pocketbook which holds my essentials. For work, I carry also a small totebag. The last thing I want to do is carry someone else’s shit!

    I’ve actually devised a way to carry the lest bit possible when going to a concert: I found a tiny bag with a clip (the size of my palm) that fits my driver’s license, bank card, cell phone, keys, and an itty bitty bitty pill case. I hook it through one of the belt loops on my jeans and bang! no hands — NO CARRYING!

    And Jacynth — thanks for the reminder, that was a good one, and totally spot-on for this question!

  29. Lia - May 28, 2006 at 8:52 am -

    If you have to bring shit carry it yourself.

  30. Mutant Cacti - December 19, 2006 at 8:06 pm -

    That’s why we blokes have belts, so we can hang even more stuff off that, of course it then looks like you’ve got a spare tire from one too many pie..

    What I want to know is why my wife not only insists on finding the biggest “purse” that’s been made, but then expects me to carry it around for her when we’re out shopping!

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