Seven Paragraphs About Chicken Wraps
May 15th, 2006
Chicken wraps are the new french fries.
Go anywhere in this great world and walk into a restaurant or a fast food stop or a place that is portable, has wheels, and often has a colorful little umbrella keeping the business owners protected from harmful UV rays and you will find a myriad of food choices at your disposal. Including chicken wraps.
That is why I would like to write seven paragraphs about chicken wraps today.
Strangely, there’s a debate currently raging about whether or not a single sentence can count as a paragraph. I often don’t really know how to begin the debate, but I’m the kind of person who thinks that a paragraph is a new thought, no matter how long it is, no matter how much punctuation, no matter where it starts and where it ends. That being said, this is the fourth paragraph of this post about chicken wraps.
It used to be you had to go to restaurants to get chicken wraps. But then places like Jack in the Box and McDonald’s started serving up the “chicken rolled up in the soft goodness of a white-bread infused tortilla.” They stuffed it with chicken and sauces and lettuce and tomatoes and gave it exciting names like The Chicken Rollonator. (Okay, no one named it that, but I would name a chicken wrap just that if I was put in a position where I could be held responsible for naming chicken wraps.) And the public, upon hearing such unique chicken wrap names, came running with their pedometers and their lycra workout unitards and thought to themselves, “Wow, now I can have something healthy at a fast food restaurant.”
Welcome to the sixth paragraph about chicken wraps. This is the paragraph where I originally planned on taking the post a step further — talking about how chicken wraps are more than just the new “french fry” — but they are, in fact, an allegorical (read: symbolic) theme that really pulls back the so-called tortilla layer of society, revealing none other than a society who wants everyone to think they want to be healthy but instead are secretly still wanting to eat food that is really bad for them. But that sixth paragraph would have been boring, so I’d like to instead use this sixth paragraph to let you know that my cousin once was eating a chicken wrap and I made him laugh by smearing ketchup on my friends backpack without him knowing, and my cousin choked on the chicken wrap and a piece of shredded lettuce came out his nose.
And this…this is the seventh paragraph.
—
In other news, I am in New York City. That’s all.
You picked a bad couple of days to visit (I know, not your fault). The weather is not too nice right now. Supposed to have heavy rain this afternoon.
Comment by Curt Sawyer — May 15, 2006 @ 5:02 am
Hey, Pauly! Enjoy your media blitz in New York. As for what constitutes a paragraph, here is a definition, courtest of dictionary.com:
“Paragraph: A distinct division of written or printed matter that begins on a new, usually indented line, consists of one or more sentences, and typically deals with a single thought or topic or quotes one speaker’s continuous words.”
There you go.
This comment is totally four paragraphs.
Comment by Karl in the Dark — May 15, 2006 @ 6:29 am
new york city.
sweet!!!
you’re so much closer to me.
ummm, trying real hard to leave you seven paragraphs as well.
this counts too, right?
mmmmmmm, chicken wraps are great.
i just re-read my comments, i guess sweet isn’t really a sentence though.
huh.
Comment by better safe than sorry — May 15, 2006 @ 6:47 am
I have a friend who we call “half wrap”. He once ordered a “full chicken wrap” but couldn’t eat it all. I know that sounds lame, but it was funny at the time.
Maybe you could write 7 paragraphs on the origin of nicknames?
Comment by H.F. Peterman — May 15, 2006 @ 7:45 am
Hey Pauly, I just caught you on Cold Pizza - very funny! Initially I thought, why would a sports show highlight a book about blogs? Der, you highlighted all the sports figures, Babe Ruth, Wilt Chamberlain etc. I would never spontaneously watch a sports show like that (at least not when I’m in control of the remote). Consider yourself complimented!!!
Comment by susan — May 15, 2006 @ 7:58 am
I thought fried cheese was the new french fry.
Comment by Syd — May 15, 2006 @ 8:00 am
Damn, I was really hoping for EIGHT paragraphs about chicken wraps. What a disappointment.
Enjoy NYC!
Comment by Hilary — May 15, 2006 @ 8:26 am
They wrap anything these days and tell you it is healthy. In my part of the world we have a whole food joint dedicated to the art of the wrap. It’s called Roly Poly and the menu is three pages front and back of wraps from chicken to well — chicken, all rolled up with awfull dressings and green leafy bits that lodge in your teeth for everyone to see but not point out to you.
Paul you are a genius. I suspect this blog and the revelation that wraps aren’t healthy will hit Drudge first and then the Newly News followed by 20/20, 60 minutes and maybe even E News.
Comment by Jerry — May 15, 2006 @ 8:48 am
They have pretty good chicken wraps in New York.
Comment by Keith — May 15, 2006 @ 9:12 am
Susan - Thanks for the compliment. Although I’m not a “sports guy” the book definitely hits that area of culture, including politics, religion, entertainment and old-time historical folk.
Jerry - Yeah, the wrap is so pulling the wool over healthy-wannabe eaters’ eyes.
Comment by Pauly D — May 15, 2006 @ 9:17 am
That was tres informative!!!
You are only 8 driving hours (45 minute flying) from me right now. Oh sorry, that was the stalker in me talking.
Comment by Jacquie — May 15, 2006 @ 9:34 am
Oh PS… I wanted to watch Cold Pizza but we got rid of cable last week (I know… who gets rid of cable?) Will you be posting the clip on one of your websites for those of us who missed it?
Comment by Jacquie — May 15, 2006 @ 9:37 am
Jacquie - Yeah, I’ll be putting up the radio interviews I did today (8 different stations on the East Coast) and the TV stuff next week sometime.
Comment by Pauly D — May 15, 2006 @ 9:48 am
either you’ve been eating too many chicken wraps [and cold pizza?] or it’s true- the camera puts on 20 pounds.
Comment by Mark K — May 15, 2006 @ 10:45 am
Those sound good! I love chicken.
I’ve always wanted to visit NY. Being from the country, I’m sure it’d be quite an experience!
Comment by Anne — May 15, 2006 @ 10:58 am
Fast Food restaurants are making a killing off of these so-called “healthy” chicken wraps. I should warn you that these wraps have more saturated fat than their cheeseburger and their chicken isn’t, exactly, organic. Of course.
How long in NYC? A couple of months maybe?
Comment by Janet — May 15, 2006 @ 11:18 am
That’s a big mother of a french fry. Or do we have to call them Freedom Wraps now?
Comment by Kevin — May 15, 2006 @ 11:50 am
Hmm I agree on the paragraph thing. Doesn’t matter how long the sentence is, or how many sentences there are, it’s still a paragraph. Thing is though, in my mind that only counts for other peoples’ paragraphs. If I were to write a sentence, say, 6 letters long (or short as the case may be), I’d feel a bit odd writing it then starting a new train of thought two carriage returns down. In essays for uni anyway. Gawd I love stuff like this.
Comment by Michelle — May 15, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
Jerry, you don’t like ‘Roly Poly’? Are you crazy? I used to have their wraps for lunch pretty much every day. And then I moved to a city with no ‘Roly Poly’ and now I’m sad, sad, sad. ‘World Wrapps’ is good, but it’s not the same…
Oh, and I want to eat food that’s bad for me all the time (those wraps have 5000 calories in them, I’m sure). I think it’s a Scientology curse on us “Others”, so that we will be too heavy when the mother ship comes. Or something like that.
Comment by the swede — May 15, 2006 @ 4:14 pm
There was a long period in college where I ate chicken wraps religiously because they didn’t look as gross as most of the other food available in the dining hall. Now? Not so much - I think I OD’ed
Comment by Bre — May 15, 2006 @ 6:41 pm
i just ate dinner. the pic of the chicken wraps is kinda making me feel pukey.
Comment by ms. sizzle — May 15, 2006 @ 8:08 pm