How Joe Pesci’s Speech From Goodfellas About Being A Clown Might Have Sounded If He Was Being Accused Of Being A NASA JPL Technician Instead

Henry Hill: “You’re sharp, you’re really smart. You’re really smart.”

Tommy DeVito: “What do you mean I’m smart?”

Henry Hill: “You’re smart, you know. You know math, that’s smart, you’re a quick guy.”

[Henry Hill points to a napkin on which Tommy’s scribbled some equations.]

Tommy DeVito: “What do you mean, you mean the way I carry the one? What?”

Henry Hill: “It’s just, you know. You’re just smart, it’s… amazing, the kind of smarts someone would need to be able to calculate and successfully get a spaceship to land on the Moon and everything.”

[It becomes quiet.]

Tommy DeVito: “Smart how? What’s so smart about it?”

Anthony Stabile: “Tommy no, You got it all wrong.”

Tommy DeVito: “Oh, oh, Anthony. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Smart how?”

Henry Hill: “Jus…”

Tommy DeVito: “What?”

Henry Hill: “Just… ya know… you’re smart.”

Tommy DeVito: “You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little f*cked up maybe, but I’m smart how, I mean smart like I’m a JPL technician for NASA or somethin’, I make astronomy seem interesting to you? I make you confused when I talk about black holes, I’m here to f*ckin’ confuse you? What do you mean smart, smart how? How am I smart?”

Henry Hill: “Just… you know, how you calculate stuff and sh*t, what?”

Tommy DeVito: “No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m smart. How the f*ck am I smart, what the f*ck is so amazing about landing a man on the Moon? Tell me, tell me what’s so smart about that!”

[Long pause.]

Henry Hill: “Get the f*ck out of here, Tommy!”

[Everyone laughs.]

Tommy DeVito: “Ya motherf*cker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.”

10 comments on “How Joe Pesci’s Speech From Goodfellas About Being A Clown Might Have Sounded If He Was Being Accused Of Being A NASA JPL Technician Instead

  1. annabel lee - May 10, 2006 at 8:56 am -

    So is this a new genre? “Gangsta math,” perhaps? ‘Cause I’d totally love to be a part of that. Y’know, if I could pull off being a gangsta. (“Mobster math” sounds too much like “monster mash,” and with a name like that, nobody would ever take it seriously…)

  2. Pauly D - May 10, 2006 at 9:01 am -

    God knows, gangsters are probably the best at math anyway. All that counting money, you know?

  3. Sarcomical - May 10, 2006 at 9:24 am -

    i have never seen that movie, but now i strangely want to so i can find out what the real words were…

  4. Bre - May 10, 2006 at 10:39 am -

    To quote Tommy Devito – ” I wonder about you sometimes”

  5. Kevin - May 10, 2006 at 10:46 am -

    Could this be called Good Will Hunting Fellas?

  6. shannon - May 10, 2006 at 12:45 pm -

    This is a fun game. Got any more revised movie speeches?

  7. Rabbit - May 10, 2006 at 5:59 pm -

    I think I may love that even more than the original lines.

  8. junaid - May 11, 2006 at 6:59 am -

    As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a NASA JPL technician. seriously. it’s why i’m an engineer.
    you should do the entire script, make the movie and show people the reality behind this seedy, math-infested underbelly of society.

  9. cutiepie - May 11, 2006 at 8:42 am -

    Wow, you never cease to amaze me, Pauly. It’s like I was in the room with them. Brava!

  10. the swede - May 11, 2006 at 8:19 pm -

    Fantastic!

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