Some might say it’s like a religion or a cult.
I mean, what would you think if a group of crazy, wide-eyed individuals rushed up to you in a supermarket, their mouths blood-red with a liquid so heinous it would force you to guard your eyes… What would you think about a group of people so intent on getting you to drink “the elixir of life” that they would force the crystal glass goblets into your hands and close your own hands around the bottle. What kind of fear would you feel when your belief systems were challenged by a group of well-dressed, Stepford-like juice-wielding strangers?
Welcome to the world of POM.
A pomegranate (in case you didn’t know) is an “orange-sized fruit with a tough reddish outer skin and a sweet red gelatinous flesh containing many seeds.” Those seeds are somewhat sweet, awfully hard to excavate, and if they fall on your clothing they are bound to stain. Up until recently, the pomegranate was what I like to call “the most annoying fruit on the face of the Earth” and not too attractive to boot.
But somewhere in the last few years a group of marketing folks and farmers with an over-abundance of the damn red things, came up with a way to create The Cult of POM. And, well, the rest is history.
First, the Jim Jones of super-fruits carted out the pomegranate juice and dubbed the damn things “the antioxidant superpower.” They created the 100% Pomegranate juice flavor (the flagship flavor, so to speak) and then went even farther in an attempt to create a variety of flavors that would appeal to the public. Here’s a quick cheat-sheet so you can be in the loop about what flavors taste like what:
100% Pomegranate Juice
Tastes like blood.
Tastes like blood, with a hint of blueberry.
Tastes like blood drenched atop a sundae.
Sort of a tropical blood flavor.
Oranges and blood. Mmm.
The cult of POM doesn’t stop at blood (er, juice), though. Recently, upon the discovery of the Gospel of Judas, the clever publicists over at the POM Super Headquarters decided to release this news blast about how, yes, POM juice was actually used to write the unearthed original Gospel of Judas.
Yes, the cult of POM went all religious on our butts.
But even worse than the blood-flavored treats and the red-mouthed crazies who will shake you silly as they proclaim how they feel the best they’ve ever felt in their life thanks to the wonderful antioxidant power of POM juices, and even worse than the fact that the company is now connecting the elixir of life to ancient religious texts and scrolls, is the fact that when you put that glass jar to your mouth, open wide and taste it…
It tastes like blood.
I don’t know about you, but today’s prognosis on POM is not good. Unless you like the taste of blood.
In which case, go getum tiger!