Today’s Prognosis on Pomegranate Juicers

Some might say it’s like a religion or a cult.

I mean, what would you think if a group of crazy, wide-eyed individuals rushed up to you in a supermarket, their mouths blood-red with a liquid so heinous it would force you to guard your eyes… What would you think about a group of people so intent on getting you to drink “the elixir of life” that they would force the crystal glass goblets into your hands and close your own hands around the bottle. What kind of fear would you feel when your belief systems were challenged by a group of well-dressed, Stepford-like juice-wielding strangers?

Welcome to the world of POM.

A pomegranate (in case you didn’t know) is an “orange-sized fruit with a tough reddish outer skin and a sweet red gelatinous flesh containing many seeds.” Those seeds are somewhat sweet, awfully hard to excavate, and if they fall on your clothing they are bound to stain. Up until recently, the pomegranate was what I like to call “the most annoying fruit on the face of the Earth” and not too attractive to boot.

But somewhere in the last few years a group of marketing folks and farmers with an over-abundance of the damn red things, came up with a way to create The Cult of POM. And, well, the rest is history.

First, the Jim Jones of super-fruits carted out the pomegranate juice and dubbed the damn things “the antioxidant superpower.” They created the 100% Pomegranate juice flavor (the flagship flavor, so to speak) and then went even farther in an attempt to create a variety of flavors that would appeal to the public. Here’s a quick cheat-sheet so you can be in the loop about what flavors taste like what:

100% Pomegranate Juice
Tastes like blood.

POM Blueberry
Tastes like blood, with a hint of blueberry.

POM Cherry
Tastes like blood drenched atop a sundae.

POM Mango
Sort of a tropical blood flavor.

POM Tangerine
Oranges and blood. Mmm.

The cult of POM doesn’t stop at blood (er, juice), though. Recently, upon the discovery of the Gospel of Judas, the clever publicists over at the POM Super Headquarters decided to release this news blast about how, yes, POM juice was actually used to write the unearthed original Gospel of Judas.

Yes, the cult of POM went all religious on our butts.

But even worse than the blood-flavored treats and the red-mouthed crazies who will shake you silly as they proclaim how they feel the best they’ve ever felt in their life thanks to the wonderful antioxidant power of POM juices, and even worse than the fact that the company is now connecting the elixir of life to ancient religious texts and scrolls, is the fact that when you put that glass jar to your mouth, open wide and taste it…

It tastes like blood.

I don’t know about you, but today’s prognosis on POM is not good. Unless you like the taste of blood.

In which case, go getum tiger!

30 comments on “Today’s Prognosis on Pomegranate Juicers

  1. Jacquie - April 27, 2006 at 7:47 am -

    I don’t know what blood tastes like. But I will take your word for it.

    I saw a recipe once for pomegrantini. It doesn’t sound so appealing anymore

  2. mikey - April 27, 2006 at 7:54 am -

    LOLOL Stepford “I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe!”

  3. Flower Girl - April 27, 2006 at 7:59 am -

    All I need to know about POM juices:

    They all taste great when you ad just a splash to a giant glass of vodka and ice.

    and

    They do not taste like blood to me.

    But then, my tastebuds are probably trashed, so…

  4. Dean - April 27, 2006 at 8:41 am -

    Tastes like blood? Really?

    I hope you’re right.

    I’ll have to let the rest of my vampire club know.

    Switching to POM sounds like it would cut down on a lot of the mess and trouble of hypnotizing defenseless maidens and draining their supple necks.

  5. Pauly D - April 27, 2006 at 8:56 am -

    Dean, you’re scaring me.

  6. Dean - April 27, 2006 at 8:58 am -

    I’m scaring you?

    Aren’t you the one who came up with the blood drenched Sundae?

  7. Pauly D - April 27, 2006 at 9:01 am -

    Hm. I guess you’re right.

  8. Keith - April 27, 2006 at 9:03 am -

    Vodka basically has no taste (at least the good ones don’t, unless you’re drinking the flavored kind). I see no way possible to make blood palatable by adding to vodka.

  9. Flower Girl - April 27, 2006 at 9:30 am -

    Keith,

    I wouldn’t lie about something as serious as vodka.

    and

    It doesn’t taste like blood to me.

    Try it! You’ll like it!

  10. Pauly D - April 27, 2006 at 9:34 am -

    “Try it, you’ll like it!”

    That’s what that group of red-blood mouthed POM cult members said to me in the local supermarket last week while they shook me down in the paper goods aisle.

    Don’t listen to her, Keith.

  11. Bre - April 27, 2006 at 9:46 am -

    Ugh – I think it’s disgusting. The only time I’ve ever enjoyed POM was when it was diluted with seltzer water and an awful lot of vodka.

  12. Max - April 27, 2006 at 9:59 am -

    Paul, I have to agree with you. I tried POM juice once, and I nearly spit it all back up. There’s no way I could finish a whole bottle of that by myself – without a hundred dollars.

    I do like eating actual pomegranates though. But they are very annoying and un-filling

  13. the swede - April 27, 2006 at 10:14 am -

    I’ve had pomegranate mixed with other juices, but never tried it ‘straight up’. I must say I’m really curious now as to whether it does indeed taste like blood, so I’m going to have to go purchase a bottle.

    And those of you who claim not to know the taste of blood: I’m glad you have obviously never had to have mouth surgery. Congratulations on also never having had a split lip.

  14. Flower Girl - April 27, 2006 at 10:46 am -

    See…Bre knows.

  15. Dave2 - April 27, 2006 at 11:54 am -

    POM is the drink of choice for recovering vampires and goths world-wide!

    I also smear it on my door for Passover, and keep a few bottles in the trunk in the event I come upon a bad road accident and find somebody in need of a transfusion.

  16. sandra - April 27, 2006 at 12:13 pm -

    Do you think vampires are angry with the POM folks? It’s kind of like the juice version of a dick-tease…

  17. Nicole - April 27, 2006 at 1:32 pm -

    I don’t even like orange juice so I think its safe to say I won’t be trying POM. Unless there’s vodka involved. Lots of vodka.

  18. ACG - April 27, 2006 at 1:36 pm -

    The easiest way to get the seeds from a pomegranate:

    Fill a large/deep bowl with cold water

    Cut the flower end off the pomegranate (the bit that sticks off one end). You’ll be able to see segments of seeds in white pith.

    Cut the pomegranate into 4 sections following the pith so you cut thru as few seeds as possible.

    Take one section and hold it completely under the water. This is what will keep that red juice from getting on your clothes. Run your finger between the pith and the seeds. The seeds will drop down to the bottom of the bowl and any pith or rind will float to the top.

    Do the same with all the sections. Skim the pith and rind off the top of the water and strain the seeds.

    You can eat them as is, or run them thru a blender and strain thru a cheese cloth to make pom juice.

    I do that, and then simmer it down with simple syrup so it’s thick and sweet. Use it for mixed drinks.

  19. Will - April 27, 2006 at 3:37 pm -

    All the advertisements that I have seen for POM have appeared to be strangely erotic, and that is enough to keep me away. Still, it’s helpful to know that it tastes like blood. Once again, you’ve done me a great service, Paul. Thank you.

  20. Pauly D - April 27, 2006 at 4:15 pm -

    Will – I do what I can for the greater good of a bloodless society.

  21. Kevin - April 28, 2006 at 8:05 am -

    I’ve had POM once before and I don’t remember it being particularly blood flavored. Well, maybe it was. But I’m not sure I want to remind myself as it’s damned expensive! I could slice a limb for free if I want that sultry copper taste. Alas, no cravings at the moment.

  22. Belinda - April 30, 2006 at 1:33 pm -

    Wasn’t it 6 pomegranate seeds that consigned Persephone to Hades for 6 months of every year? Was that not enough of a cautionary tale?

  23. Phil - June 7, 2006 at 11:24 am -

    I like POM Juice. In fact I JUST had a sip. It made my head shiver. It was a little tart. I don’t think it taste like blood. (However, I was thinking about blood when I was drinking it) Maybe if you heat up POM Juice to 98.6 degrees it would taste like blood. Plus, how do you know what blood taste like unless you drink it? Sucking on a cut finger doesn’t count. Or sucking on your child’s cut finger doesn’t count either. If you drink a pint of warm blood from the blood bank, then that qualifies you to compare POM Juice to blood.

    Well, after all this talk about blood and POM Juice, I think I will have another drink. Ahhh. Still made me shiver and I still thought of blood. Thanks for the warm thoughts!

  24. Edward Guie - June 10, 2006 at 6:45 pm -

    How healthy is POM juice when it is laced with sanitizers?

    I have been drinking POM pomegranate juice for some time – a year or more.

    I buy the 16 oz bottles and then I started to buy the 46 oz glass bottles too – it was a better deal.

    In late March 2006 I noticed the store that I frequent did not carry the 46 oz glass bottles. Then a 48 oz plastic bottle appeared the first week of April in the store that I frequent. So I bought some. When I drank it I got severely ill. It had the taste of some type of sanitizing chemical in it – CHLORINE.

    I called the company in Los Angeles, CA and spoke to Darelee, Consumer Advocate and she told me that they were having a problem with the bottles coded 11 JUN, that cleaning solution was not poured out of the bottles during production, that in the past few days over 25 people have complained since late March early April, that everyone at corporate HQ tasted it and were fine and it will not hurt you, she did not know what the chemical was and to continue buying POM just do not but the 48 oz bottles coded 11 JUN.

    A day later, Fiona, VP Corporate Communications called me and offered me coupons. I asked her what I drank? She said she did not know. I asked her what sanitizers they used in the production process – plumbing, holding tanks and bottles. She said she did not know. I asked her the name of the company that supplies POM with sanitizers. She said she did not know.

    I have called Fiona several times and e-mailed her several times and she still says she does not know. Some VP of Corporate Communications. So I turned them into Poison Control, the FDA, the Attorney General of Pennsylvania and California and numerous other agencies.

    The FDA is investigating POM.

    I have an unopened bottle of that swell and I am currently having it tested by a lab. I am considering a legal remedy too.

    My health and well-being were compromised due to the negligence of POM. They knew there was a problem and continued to sell their tainted juice when that swell should have been recalled.

    Drink POM juice at the risk of your health!

  25. Jessica - July 5, 2006 at 2:23 pm -

    lol at edward…. your health and well-being were compromised by the negligence of POM? i can see dollar signs forming in your eyes. but unless POM made you sick (which doesn’t seem to be the case), you don’t exactly have a legal remedy. it’s funny how quickly we all turn to the legal system. take the coupons and run.

  26. Edward - July 10, 2006 at 4:48 pm -

    Jessica…. Learn how to R-E-A-D. What a buffoon you are – sub-moron really. I did get sick, try reading. I still have the bottle and you and your big mouth are invited to drink some and become sick too. It is funny how, more than likely, a POM employee would take the time to search the web for aanything against POM juice. As for the coupons, I threw those away – why take another chance on getting sick?

    Oh and Jessica, by the way I tried for several weeks to get Fiona Posell, VP Corporate Communications, to tell me what I drank, what the sanitizer was and the company that supplies them with the chemical that I ingested that made me SICK for weeks and she kept telling me that DAAA, I don know, DAAA. VP of Corporate Communications – what a JOKE. She is just some 22 year old do nothing and feed consumers some bovine fecal material until they go away. I will wait to see what the Freedom of Information Act at the FDA shows from their investigation and if POM made a mistake in the production process by not flushing out the bottles before filling and that made me SICK, well then they should and will be held responsible.

    Jessica, or who ever you are, put up or shut up, come on over and you can drink some of POM’s finest. You know the bottle of crap that I have, that POM filled with what I now know to be a form of HYDROGEN PEROXIDE (PAA), and get sick from POM juice as I did.

    Drink POM juice at the risk of your health Miss Jessie.

  27. David B. - July 10, 2006 at 5:01 pm -

    lol at Jessica…….
    Hey jessica I read what Edward wrote and he did say that he got severely ill. Isn’t that the same a sick? Maybe you have been drinking some of that POM juice with cleaner in it and your brain is fried now?

    Edward, I had a similar situation, but with milk. It was filled with some type of cleaner. But I didn’t drink enough to get sick. I took the milk back to the store and they told me that it happens some times. They offered me another gallon of milk and some coupons and I said no. I get my milk from another company.

    If you got sick, as it appears to me from reading your posting, I would sue those idiots. Forget about Jessica and her comment about coupons because she would be stupid enough to continue drinking that sludge.

    Isn’t it funny that it doesn’t take much to secure the confidence of a person like Jessica but a few coupons. LOL. What a jerk.

    See ya Jessica wouldn’t wanna be-.ya

  28. […] Simply logon to Single Juice and answer one simple question. What’s your favorite juice? Is it orange? Tomato? Kiwi? Guava? Orange-Pineapple? Orange-Pineapple-Banana? Pomegranate? Lime? Celery? Coconut? Or even apple-cranberry? […]

  29. tendecades - July 13, 2006 at 6:16 am -

    I’ve eaten pomegranates and I actually like them – to me they taste a bit like cranberry juice. However, I’ve not had the juice by itself. I am an avid juicer and when I first started drinking raw vegetable juice, I thought I was going to puke. However, now I really like it. I drink fresh chilled carrot juice every day and it actually tastes fantastic. Plus, the health benefits of drinking fresh juice from raw fruits and vegetables are fantastic. If you are interested in juicing, my website has a number of articles and guides to help you get started.

  30. […] “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s elaborate collection of candles, then go out and spend a small fortune on your own elaborate collection of candles that include (but are not limited to) such scents as: kiwi-strawberry, chocolate, coconut-pineapple, summer breeze and pomegranate-distraction.” […]

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