People keep searching for “housewarming sayings” on my blog.
I have no idea why there are so many people having housewarming events and I have no idea why there are so many people agreeing to attend these “housewarming parties” and even if I can get past those facts, I still have no idea why all these people attending all these events have no idea what to say when they get there.
So, I thought I’d step up and do a two-for-Monday here with a double-posting and give these desperate souls a little help for their upcoming housewarming events.
Whether or not you know it, there are basic housewarming sayings and there are intermediate housewarming sayings. There are even, believe it or not, advanced and super-masterfully psychotic housewarming sayings. But for today I would like to break down the basic category for those looking for help in this area and give some suggestions for your next basic housewarming event.
Basic Housewarming Sayings: These are to only be used when you are going with someone who is dragging you to a housewarming event of people you’ve never met. These are also to be used when some idiot is having a housewarming party at an apartment or a boat or a mobile home. If you’re having a housewarming party at an apartment, you call it a partment party. On a boat? A water welcome. In a mobile home? A wagon wheel welcome. But if you have shown up in any of those situations, you should feel obligated to say only one of the following basic sayings…and only when you arrive and when you leave. They include:
- “Wow. This is nice.”
- “Oh hey. Verrrrry cool.”
- “Your house? Oh, sweet.”
- [Nod of head, half-smile.]
- “Great mailbox.”
- “I love the carpet.”
- “I was supposed to be playing softball today, but I am so glad I came here instead to witness the majesty that is your brand new abode.”
These should get all of you started. I’ll be back in future weeks to identify the Intermediate Housewarming Sayings (for use with single-level homes or townhouses), Advanced Housewarming Sayings (for two, three and four story homes, farms, ranch houses and condominums on lakes) and Super Masterfully Psychotic-Housewarming Sayings (for mansions, the White House, and foreign homes on the French Riveria).