Housewarming Sayings

People keep searching for “housewarming sayings” on my blog.

I have no idea why there are so many people having housewarming events and I have no idea why there are so many people agreeing to attend these “housewarming parties” and even if I can get past those facts, I still have no idea why all these people attending all these events have no idea what to say when they get there.

So, I thought I’d step up and do a two-for-Monday here with a double-posting and give these desperate souls a little help for their upcoming housewarming events.

Whether or not you know it, there are basic housewarming sayings and there are intermediate housewarming sayings. There are even, believe it or not, advanced and super-masterfully psychotic housewarming sayings. But for today I would like to break down the basic category for those looking for help in this area and give some suggestions for your next basic housewarming event.

Basic Housewarming Sayings: These are to only be used when you are going with someone who is dragging you to a housewarming event of people you’ve never met. These are also to be used when some idiot is having a housewarming party at an apartment or a boat or a mobile home. If you’re having a housewarming party at an apartment, you call it a partment party. On a boat? A water welcome. In a mobile home? A wagon wheel welcome. But if you have shown up in any of those situations, you should feel obligated to say only one of the following basic sayings…and only when you arrive and when you leave. They include:

  • “Wow. This is nice.”
  • “Oh hey. Verrrrry cool.”
  • “Your house? Oh, sweet.”
  • [Nod of head, half-smile.]
  • “Great mailbox.”
  • “I love the carpet.”
  • “I was supposed to be playing softball today, but I am so glad I came here instead to witness the majesty that is your brand new abode.”

These should get all of you started. I’ll be back in future weeks to identify the Intermediate Housewarming Sayings (for use with single-level homes or townhouses), Advanced Housewarming Sayings (for two, three and four story homes, farms, ranch houses and condominums on lakes) and Super Masterfully Psychotic-Housewarming Sayings (for mansions, the White House, and foreign homes on the French Riveria).

Stay tuned!

24 comments on “Housewarming Sayings

  1. Jacquie - April 24, 2006 at 5:14 pm -

    I’m waiting in keen anticipation!

    Oh, I can make a 1st comment but I can’t be one of the first 3 replies to your lost blogs mailing list today? What gives?

    By the way, I need suggestions on how to get my friends to throw me a REMODELING IS FINALLY FINISHED party. (which it’s not yet but it doesn’t hurt to start throwing the hints now. )

    And I don’t care what they say about my house, as long as they bring good gifts.

  2. Bre - April 24, 2006 at 5:47 pm -

    Don’t forget the all important “housewarming blessings!” Every single member of my (very) Irish (very) Catholic family who was able to put a stamp on a card sent me one when I moved into my new place!

  3. H.F. Peterman - April 24, 2006 at 7:45 pm -

    Just love the concrete goose dressed in a raincoat on your front lawn. BTW here’s a chocolate Babka.

  4. Karl - April 24, 2006 at 7:50 pm -

    Huh. I’ve always just gone with turning to my significant other and saying, “Geez, hon, I don’t know what you’re talking about. This isn’t a piece of crap at all.”

  5. sandra - April 24, 2006 at 8:14 pm -

    “Great grout!”

    or

    “Your doorknobs kick ass”

  6. mikey - April 24, 2006 at 10:50 pm -

    Which house warming do we need for you Pauly?

  7. Keith - April 24, 2006 at 10:51 pm -

    “That spackle looks great there!”

  8. Janet - April 24, 2006 at 11:01 pm -

    College-dorm-warming:

    OMG!!! OMG!!!! OMG!!!! You have a mini fridge and EVERYTHING!!!

  9. Pauly D - April 24, 2006 at 11:11 pm -

    Sandra – “Your doorknobs kick ass” is amazing.

    Keith – Any comments about spackle are more than a welcoming phrase.

    Janet – Ah, the mini fridge. Gotta love.

  10. Sara J. - April 25, 2006 at 3:45 am -

    Pauly, tell H.F. Peterman NEVER to mention the concrete goose again. Those things give me the willies.

  11. Nicola - April 25, 2006 at 6:14 am -

    Thankfully us brits call apartments flats, cos having to say I was at a ‘partment party’ is too much like hard work. So…. I was at a flat warming on Saturday night and my compliment was “ooh, I like your bathroom floor covering”… am I sad or what?

  12. Pauly D - April 25, 2006 at 7:49 am -

    Sara J – Sure, will do. But isn’t a concrete goose better than a plastic swan? Or a garden gnome with a light inside of it?

    Nicola – You’re not sad. Just, um, taking the easy way out.

  13. Flower Girl - April 25, 2006 at 8:11 am -

    How about “Nice digs! I sure hope your new place never burns down or gets hit by a tornado.”

    I kind of like it in the same way as when you tell someone to “have a great evening” and they respond with “Try not to die.”

  14. Kevin - April 25, 2006 at 8:30 am -

    As a townhouse owner myself, I am looking forward to the introduction of Intermediate Housewarming Sayings. We will be meeting several of our neighbors this summer and need things to say. Please give us two options… ones for people you really know well and ones for people you know only so-so.

  15. annabel lee - April 25, 2006 at 8:42 am -

    Pauly, is it OK to have a “partment party” if you’re just moving down a floor? Or does that just look like a shameless plea for presents?

  16. Pauly D - April 25, 2006 at 9:01 am -

    AL – Don’t do it. You can have a “moving floor” party, but people only can give you gifts they got from someone else and then re-gift them to you, since that’s pretty much what you’re doing by moving down one floor – regifting yourself to a new domicile.

  17. Nicole - April 25, 2006 at 9:06 am -

    Would it seem presumptuous and/or greedy if I were to register for my preferred housewarming gifts? Because I don’t want a bunch of crap that I’m just going to have to take time out of my busy and very important schedule to return. Alls I’m sayin’.

  18. Pauly D - April 25, 2006 at 9:16 am -

    Nic – You’re getting a snackster. That’s like a hot sandwich press where you put in two pieces of bread, put tuna and cheese on one side, close that baby like a vice grip — and then 1 minute later you have a self-contained, closed-at-the-edges, tuna melt.

  19. Rabbit - April 25, 2006 at 9:33 am -

    Housewarming parties? That sounds only minimally more enjoyable than baby showers.

  20. Nicole - April 25, 2006 at 9:42 am -

    Pauly – While I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your gift (how did you know I love tuna melts?!), and your attendance at my housewarming party, and most of all the fact that you don’t make me wait to find out what the gift is, I already have a snackster — got it as a white elephant gift at a holiday party. Use it all the time. See, this is why the registry would be so helpful!

  21. nic - April 25, 2006 at 10:09 am -

    Gee, thanx!

  22. the swede - April 25, 2006 at 12:08 pm -

    While I do get invited to housewarming parties occasionally (I use the standard “This is nice!” phrase right after I step through the door), I’ve only had one myself once.

    It was technically an apartment warming party, but I moved in on the bottom floor with my own entrance and a huge patio overlooking the neighborhood soccer field (this was in Sweden). I’m not saying the outcome of the event has anything to do with the fact that I’ve never had any kind of “warming” ever since, but the party ended with one friend yelling “Nazi” (and other things) to one of my new neighbors, and another spending the night sleeping on the soccer field.

    I felt bad for about a week, until I found out that I had a high-trafficking drug dealer living five apartments down from mine. Then I figured I was not in a neighborhood where I needed to feel ashamed. The “Nazi” neighbor was very upset though and dropped a letter of complaint in my mailbox the next day, asking me kindly to pass it on to the friend who had instigated the argument…

  23. Sara J. - April 26, 2006 at 4:08 am -

    I’m somewhat partial to the plastic pink flamingo with spinning wings.

  24. James Caffrey in Costa Del Sol Spain - September 22, 2006 at 11:37 pm -

    Pauly – While I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your gift (how did you know I love tuna melts?!), and your attendance at my housewarming party, and most of all the fact that you don’t make me wait to find out what the gift is, I already have a snackster — got it as a white elephant gift at a holiday party. Use it all the time. See, this is why the registry would be so helpful!

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