Words for My Enjoyment

Today’s Rumors About Celebrities

April 11th, 2006

Living in Hollywood is a unique experience.

Because everyone you know happens to know a celebrity. Everyone who knows a celebrity happens to know something about said celebrity. And everything that everyone knows about those certain celebrities may or may not be entirely true. That’s why they’re called rumors.

And that’s why they’re so amusing to read about.

Did you know that just last week, Mel Gibson, just having finished the filming of his Aztec-ian new film was seen living in a cardboard box on Hollywood Boulevard, eating a raw fish out of a brown paper bag? And that when a passerby said, “Hey, aren’t you Mel Gibson?” the Lethal Weapon star was rumored to have said, “Hey, aren’t you the President of the Asking Stupid Questions Club of America?”

Would you be stunned to know that neighbors of uber-TV producer Aaron Spelling (Charlie’s Angels, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Beverly Hills 90210) have said that lately, they’ve started to smell the unmistakeable scent of rotten Quail wafting over the Spelling estate’s massive tennis-court walls? And that when they called the police to investigate, that every officer who responded to the issue was said to have never returned from behind those hallowed walls?

What about Angelina Jolie and her “supposed”, “soon-to-be-born” baby? Did you know that some of the staff of Amnesty International, who have worked with Jolie, have been rumored to say that Jolie and Pitt had a name all picked out for their child until Gwyneth Paltrow named her new baby “Moses”? And that because of Paltrow’s naming scheme (the first baby was Apple, and now Moses) that Jolie and Pitt would like to name this baby “Snake” and a follow up baby “Eve”? Yes, there’s a Garden of Eden theme going on here, some have said — except someone needs to tell Paltrow that Moses had nothing to do with such a place.

Malibu residents are buzzing about Kirsten Dunst’s in-public conversation with a friend (at a local outdoor cafe) about not “liking her snaggletooth overbite” and that she’s considering having all her teeth ripped out and replaced with the kind of “horse-teeth” that actress/singer Hilary Duff went with. And the rumored reason for such an extreme makeover? “Guys like big teeth,” she was rumored to have said. And that, my friends, is a rumor straight from the horse’s mouth.

And speaking of mouths, and big mouths — did you know that Jessica Simpson was recently seen at a Bel Air mansion party trying to stuff as many marbles into her mouth as humanly possible? As part of a dare thrown her way by the secretly-autistic Courtney Love, Simpson was rumored to have been able to successfully stuff 54 glass marbles into her mouth and still sing the National Anthem. Except, according to party-goer Seth Green — she didn’t know the words.

But those are just the bigger rumored stories from Hollywood, this week.

As for the short ends, did you know that Michael Douglas has tourette’s syndrome? And that Woody Allen is afraid of the sun? And that Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla once dressed up as women so they could get into a lesbian convention and then enjoyed it so much they continued doing it for 72 hours after? Lately, people have been reporting that The O.C.’s Micha Barton can’t add small numbers together (1+1 is 8 and 2+3 is 43) and that Everybody Loves Raymond’s Patricia Heaton prefers to go out bowling, with her hair in a net while making sure everyone calls her Patrick?

Valet parkers all across Hollywood have rumors to report as well. From Shannon Elizabeth having old chewing tobacco in her ashtray, to Kevin Smith’s akward tipping (he only gives out $2 bills) to ER’s Maura Tierney supposedly telling a valet parker that if his “smell gets on the leather” she’d “teach him a thing or two about personal hygiene.”

And let’s not forget the best short bits from the last few weeks: From Ed Norton’s supposed fear of cottage cheese with pineapple chunks to Julia Roberts supposed love of all things “bleu cheese” to James Van Der Beek’s recent quest to rescue a little puppy with only three legs (so he could name him or her Tripod) — there’s been some interesting rumors that have come to us here at WFME. The best of the bunch, though, has to be what we heard from Australian locals who spotted Ashlee Simpson cavorting with her new beau down-under. What did they have to say? Well, just that the golden-throated lip-synching younger sister of the Starkist marriage-breaking pop star is said to have recently been spotted eating her weight in chalk. Yes, chalk. The yellow kind, thus the yellow-crusty film that some paparazzi have spotted around the edges of her mouth as of late.

Yes, rumors in Hollywood — they’re intriguing to say the least.

So for now, good morning and good day.

Posted under Aaron Spelling, Adam Corolla, Angelina Jolie, Ashlee Simpson, Brad Pitt, Celebrities, Ed Norton, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hilary Duff, James Van Der Beek, Jessica Simpson, Jimmy Kimmel, Kevin Smith, Kirsten Dunst, Maura Tierney, Mel Gibson, Micha Barton, Overheard, Patricia Heaton, Seth Green, Shannon Elizabeth, Woody Allen. |