Words for My Enjoyment

If We Were Both Trapped In A Mineshaft, I Would Totally Entertain You

March 11th, 2006

Let’s face it — getting trapped in a mine sucks.

And being a miner also sort of sucks. I mean, I’m sure there are advantages but the whole getting up while it’s still dark and then going home when it’s already dark, and having to wear those hats with flashlights and dusty overalls aren’t the most appealing thing… But above all, there’s a danger associated with the job (getting trapped when the mine collapses around you) that’s got to be the worst part about it all.

But fortunately, if you were trapped with me — I would totally entertain you.

Rule number one of being trapped in a mineshaft after it’s completely collapsed around you is laugh a lot. Contrary to popular belief and all those “experts” who tell you that you should find a way out or that you should conserve your water or that you should find an airway for oxygen — no thanks. People will OBVIOUSLY come to rescue you, there’s no doubt about that, so why not laugh and be happy while you’re waiting to get rescued?

Think about it like having to wait on line for a movie. Until they come for you and open the door for you to EXIT THE LINE, you’re just going to be standing there. Waiting. And often, when you know you’re going to have to be waiting for awhile like that you bring video games and travel Scrabble and containers filled with food and drink — think of being trapped in a mine just like that.

“But being trapped in a mine is a surprise,” you’ll say. “Something that I never planned for, so how am I supposed to know that I should bring my travel Yahtzee down with me that day to the depths of Hell?”

Think of me as your travel Yahtzee.

Having spent a lot of time alone as a child, I developed a whole group of games that can be played in small, confined and dark spaces with very little oxygen. One game, for example is a variation on the classic game of Hide & Go Seek called Don’t Move & Close Eyes. Since you’re not going to be running around or “Go-ing” anywhere, this game involves the two of us sitting in the exact places where the walls caved in around us, “not moving” and “closing our eyes.” You close yours, I close mine and we won’t move while we each start singing phrases like “I’m gonna find you!” and “I think I see you!” and “Oh yeah, I think I can make out the corner of your face!”

It’s hilarious, and will get the two of us laughing hysterically. Even wheezing like we can hardly catch our breath! Often, someone ALWAYS cheats and looks and can really see the other person — but up until that moment it’s a really fun game because it totally turns the typical Hide & Go Seek game on its head.

I’ve also developed a variation on the game 20 Questions for being trapped in a mineshaft, called 2 Questions. Mostly because we probably won’t have as much time to play the whole 20 Question game (either we’ll be rescued or, um, something else) — and also because it makes you even more aware of your surroundings because the person, place or thing you choose has to be something within your reach. I can usually get through about ten of these games pretty quickly because sometimes it’s easy. Usually the other person will either pick themself, me, dirt, a rock, a miner’s helmet or a boot. So I usually guess those right away and amaze you since you’re not thinking straight. But it’s still a laugh riot while we’re in the throes of the gameplay because it’s like 20 Questions on speed!

And you, my friend, would be totally entertained.

But besides the games and the laughing and what not — I am also quite good at the shadow puppet theater thing. I have written and developed four full length three-act plays for exclusive performance in trapped mine shafts that each have twists in order to appeal to trapped miners.

There’s one play, which is based on the movie The Poseidon Adventure (about people trapped in a boat underwater) that I call The Trapped In A Mine Shaft With Little Oxygen Adventure that involves miners, trapped in a mine shaft, with little oxygen and the adventure they go on while trapped in said mine shaft with little oxygen and the whole adventure thing thrown in as well.

There’s also a take-off on the classic play Romeo & Juliet which I like to call (and this is a tentative title) “Miner #1 & Miner #2″ which is about two miners. In a shaft. Together.

And, while I’m on the subject, I can’t forget “Guess Who’s Trapped In A Mine Shaft With Me?” which is a re-imagining of the classic movie “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?” with Sydney Poitier about a group of white miners who all meet up in a mine shaft after being trapped in a variety of places — and they realize from the soot on their faces that they’re now ALL BLACK. And since there are none of those handi-wipe things down there they leave the soot on their faces and actually try to see what it’s like to be black for the first time in their lives and it opens them up to discussing issues about race, accepting others no matter how different they are and there’s even a Color Purpleesque crying fit Tony award winning moment.

You and Me in a Mineshaft equals Total Entertainment.

There’s a whole bag of tricks I haven’t even begun to touch on, but there’s a reason for that. For if the above actually does ever happen to the two of us, you’re not going to want to know what’s coming next. You’re going to want to be surprised, be stunned, and above all…be entertained.

Because that’s what I’ll do for you, if we were ever both trapped in a mineshaft.

Posted under Mining, What If. |