Okay, time for a reality check.
Unless you are a magician or something and unless you can make birds appear where they normally shouldn’t appear — you need to stop telling people (as you cradle that one bird in your hand) that somewhere nearby there are definitely two birds in a bush.
It’s a lie, plain and simple — and it must stop.
First and foremost — having a bird in your hand in this day and age while we’re out and about near other citizens isn’t the smartest idea with this whole bird flu thing about to kill the entire population of the globe. But even worse than carrying foul in your fingers is the fact that you proclaim at the top of your lungs no matter where you are that there are also two birds in a bush. And what’s this whole thing with a bird being WORTH two more in the bush? Everyone knows that if you go to a pet store to buy birds, this whole proclimation is revealed as a total sham.
Here, let’s look at the math before continuing:
Bird #1: $15.99
Bird #2: $15.99
Bird #3: $15.99
Assuming we are only purchasing the same kind of bird, and they’re all priced out at a reasonable $15.99, we can most likely come up with this conclusion:
If Bird #1 is worth $15.99, and Birds #2 and #3 (collectively) are worth $31.98 (without tax or supplies) then it is plainly obvious to me and all of you that $15.99 is not worth $31.98. I mean, look at those two numbers. It’s obvious someone wasn’t paying attention in first grade math class.
Sure, some may say that the bush itself is worth something as well, and if you go to some kind of garden center you’ll see that most average-sized bushes that you’ll install yourself usually run about $40. That being said, if we update our math here we’ll see that if Bird #1 is worth $15.99 and Birds #2 and #3 and the bush are now collectively worth $71.98 (without tax, supplies or planting soil) that $15.99 definitely is not worth $71.98.
Thus, a bird in the hand is NOT worth two in the bush.
Some real big proponents of the bird in the hand scenario will probably say that, well, a bird in the hand can possibly be treated as performance art. I.e., you could go out in the public, set up a little cardboard box (for donations) and then do little performances with your bird. Standing outside in a busy area of Hollywood, one might pull in about $25 a day doing mini-bird in hand performances. This, of course, will offset the math we’ve been working with.
In this scenario, a bird in the hand (now worth $40.99) is still nowhere near being worthy of the two birds and the bush (worth $71.98). Some may say that if the person with the bird in their hand actually goes out and performs more than one day they will eventually make way more money than the $71.98 — but as we all very well know, the burnout rate of people/bird in hand performers is extremely high and when push comes to shove you’re going to end up being faced with a person/bird washout who is now unable to make any money, has a dead bird on their hands, and that such a thing definitely has no worthiness compared to two birds and a well-manicured bush.
That being said, I think Mr. Bird In Hand has some “classic-phrase” revising to do.