My job would require standing in an elevator all day long.
No, I would not be the guy pressing the buttons. No, I would not be shouting out what’s on this floor and oh, here comes that floor and nice weather we’re having. No, I wouldn’t know how the red phone works or why it’s red and I wouldn’t spend time keeping track of the elevator’s capacity and how many people can or should be inside.
But I could be your elevator door holder — and you’d love me for it.
Sure, “being an elevator door holder” sounds simple. People with no respect for the position would simply say things like, “oh how boring you just have to hold open the elevator door.” But in fact, just like calling someone an eye-doctor doesn’t mean they just fix your eye. They do tons of other things like, um, tons of other things. So, while you may (at first glance) assume all I did all day was hold open the elevator door you would be sorely wrong.
As your elevator door holder I would also be an elevator door holder/motivator. I would motivate other people closer to the “OPEN” and “CLOSE” buttons on the elevator’s console to press the buttons if we saw you running. No more of this, oh here comes someone asking us to hold the door open and here I go trying to attempt to press the button in time and oh no I’m sorry but I just couldn’t get to it in time crap. I would use my almost jedi-like elevator door holding motivation skills to get you to do the right thing.
“I think you’d feel really great about yourself if you actually made an effort right now to reach out and press the OPEN button so that pour soul could make the elevator before the doors close,” I might say.
You would turn to look at me, turn to look at the haggard mother with the two kids hanging on her shoulders, with the three bags of groceries, with the stroller and the stuffed animals and you would all at once feel a sense of responsibility wash over your body and you would REACH OUT AND PRESS THAT BUTTON.
Ding! Problem solved.
As your elevator door holder I would also make sure that I was well versed in the escape hatch in the elevator. See, most people see people climb up through the hatch in movies where there’s a bomb attached to the elevator car or the cables are about to be snapped — and for the life of me (before my training) I would have had no idea how anyone could have gotten up there. I mean, there’s always the interlocked-hand lifter-uppers but most people hate getting their hands dirty. There’s the Matrix, use-the-walls to propel yourself up towards the apex of the elevator car procedure as well. There’s many ways to get up there but only one detail worth mentioning: the hatch is bad.
Did you know they make the hatch only big enough for people under 125 lbs. to make it through? Did you know that they do this to keep heavier people from wandering around outside the elevator because anyone who weighs over 125 lbs. and falls off the elevator car while exploring outside the hatch will die from the fall but that a 125 lb. person who falls will just sustain major injuries but survive?
I would know how the secret red phone works and how to open the hatch to reveal such a phone. While most people can’t figure out how to dial the damn thing because there’s only one grey button on it, I would be versed in being able to dial outside numbers (like your family members, to tell them you were OK) using clicking-sounds that only my mouth and tribal members of certain South American lands could make. I would know the secret “backdoor” button presses that would allow you to be taken to your floor, even if buttons for other floors before yours, were pressed. These are the secrets of being an elevator door holder and it’s just par for the course.
But above all, in being your elevator door holder, I would have to be willing to throw my body in between the rapidly closing, 10-ton-like looking doors — in the event no one would take my cue and open the doors for you.
And that’s freaky.
Because although most of us are fairly, pretty-much sure that the doors won’t close all the way upon “seeing” our bodies or limbs or heads poke through and inbetween the closing doors…we’re never really quite sure or confident that it’s going to happen. There’s a part of us that will tempt fate, cautiously placing our hands before the evil-eye sensors and then pull them back before the doors close for sure… There are few of us that would stand strong, thrust our entire body between the two doors, close our eyes and hope for the best…
But for you, as your elevator door holder — I would do it.
No, I’m not kidding.
Why you gotta be hatin’ on me?
I would be there for you in darkness and light. I would be there for you in malls and small apartment bulidings with old elevators. I would show up for you in doctor’s offices, libraries, stadiums and rehabilitation centers. Wherever there was an elevator and wherever you needed someone to make sure those doors stayed open…I would be there.
As long as I got benefits.
Benefits are KEY for an elevator door-holder.