WFME’s Battlestar Friday

Sometimes people need vacations.

And if you’re like every other insane person out there, you often look at inanimate objects and apply personality traits to them. You talk to your plants, you coddle your blankets, you talk to the hand… Well then, shouldn’t a regular blog feature like “Words For Your Enjoyment” get a day off once in a blue moon due to the human fatigue it’s feeling?

That’s why our regularly scheduled WFYE has been replaced today [it will be back next week] with WFME’s Battlestar Friday!

If you’ve been living under a rock or you don’t get SciFi Network you may not have watched one of the greatest new TV shows in a long time — Battlestar Galactica. A much more mature “re-imagining” of the original camp series, this one is at the top of its game on a weekly basis. It’s not a “SciFi” series per se…it’s a human drama with some scifi elements.

That brings us to WFME’s Battlestar Friday.

As the show airs tonight on SciFi (and every Friday) I would like to take the opportunity to pull sequences from past shows (and in an attempt to show you how timely and real the show actually is) – lay out how each of these moments mirror moments from my own life. It’s something you can do on your own, you’ll be amazed how stunning such an experiment is. And so, without further adieu I give you:

WFME’s Battlestar Friday In Which I Pull Sequences From Past Shows And Then Show You How The SAME EXACT Sort-Of Similar Things Have Happened To Me, Which [In The Process] Will Uncover The Fact That Battlestar Galactica Is A Human Drama Instead Of Something Far Less Important

  • Humans are attacked by robots (Cylons) that they themselves created in the first place.

The other day I was using one of those Black & Decker can openers in order to get at some of that juicy chicken in a can stuff, and as I was in the middle of opening it the top of the can opener flipped back and snapped at me, slicing open part of my finger and causing me to bleed in the process.

  • There’s a character named Starbuck, who is a female fighter-ship operator constantly whipping the other soldiers into shape.

This morning, before I wrote this post I went to Starbucks, where a female employee operated the blender in order to get me my caramel Frappacino with no whip.

  • Battlestar includes a pretty animated character named “Baltar” who strives to gain control of the government, but is seemingly constantly made fun of but who (I believe) will triumph in the end and save the day.

I often like to watch the movie Balto — an animated movie about an outcast wolf (voiced by Kevin Bacon) who is never taken seriously but triumphs in the end and saves the day.

  • President Laura Roslin had cancer and then it mysteriously disappeared this past week.

I once knew a girl named Roz whose astrological sign was “Cancer” and then suddenly one day she mysteriously disappeared.

  • Although the people who inhabit the world of Battlestar Galactica curse often, they use the word “frak” which seemingly doesn’t seem to bother anyone.

Although I curse often, I use the word “goo-yah” which seemingly doesn’t seem to bother anyone.

  • The President of the fleet is extremely sick and as recent as the last episode, completely oblivious to everything going on around her.

Our President. Completely oblivious. I’ll leave that one somewhat general for the Republicans.

  • Lately, in this season’s storyline — an attractive blonde woman who is also secretly a genetic Cylon is loose among the home fleet, sabotaging anything and everything.

Yes, there is a blonde in my life who is sabotaging everything.

So, as you can very well see — Battlestar Galactica is not the cheesy sci-fi outer space shoot fest you thought it was. In fact, it mirrors my life (and probably yours) and in doing so, creates a human drama that is more familiar than not.

Well, except for the fact that it’s in outerspace, and in a different galaxy, and they’ve got really advanced technology and there are sentient robots and highly-futuristic DNA manipulation going on and Edward James Olmos as a spaceship Admiral…and it’s a TV show. Yeah, except for that.

Otherwise…my life. Exactly.

18 comments on “WFME’s Battlestar Friday

  1. Melina - January 27, 2006 at 8:25 am -

    Long Live Battlestar Gallactica! I was so in love with Starbuck (Dirk Benedict) back in the original series’ day. I don’t get this channel, so I haven’t watched the “re-imagining” eps.

    Is it wrong to like the Cylons Pauly?

    The world is a mysterious place with all these, um, “coincidences”…

    Have a great wkd!

  2. Flower Girl - January 27, 2006 at 8:32 am -

    Brother Pauly:

    Hmmm…Am I more surprised that you watch Battlestar Gallactica or that you seem think plants are inanimate? I need to go have a martini (or four) and consider this in depth.

    Watch out for those blondes. They(we) can be tricky…

  3. Hilary - January 27, 2006 at 8:43 am -

    You’re so going to be the guy sitting front and center at Paley, aren’t you?L

  4. Jacquie - January 27, 2006 at 9:06 am -

    So I don’t understand how WFME is taking a break when you still posted today. Maybe I need a vacay!

    Thanks for thinking of us, by the way, and not letting us go a day without a post.

    In fact, I was wondering if you could start waking up 3 hours earlier to post your daily words to coincide with EST so that when I wake up with my coffee, I can enjoy your blog at a time more conducive to a morning East Side blog reader as myself.

    You’re the best!

  5. Amber - January 27, 2006 at 9:07 am -

    I wouldn’t call what I’m doing to you “sabotaging.” More “ruining things left and right out of love.” Get it straight, please. We don’t want people to get the wrong idea.

  6. Figs - January 27, 2006 at 9:18 am -

    They made Starbuck a woman? … That is so wrong! That’s like taking the Million Dollar Man and turning him into a hot, blonde Bionic Woman… ‘cept they were two different people and eventually got married.

  7. dgm - January 27, 2006 at 9:20 am -

    when i was a kid, my family called me “gooya”–i had no idea it was a curse word because they seemed to say it affectionately. now i feel like all those years were just one big fat lie. damn, they were good actors though.

  8. Pauly D - January 27, 2006 at 9:24 am -

    Jax – I will do my best to get up at 5AM each day so you and your coffee have company.

    Amber – I told you not to leave comments anymore, didn’t I?

    Figs – Yes, Starbuck is a woman. And not just a woman, but a woman who shoots guns and flies spaceships. Long live Starbuck!

    DGM – Not only are your family members “good actors” but so are the actors on Battlestar, making your life and the show extremely similar as well! See? I’m not lying here.

  9. Jason - January 27, 2006 at 9:29 am -

    I met Baltar last night. He’s a pretty nice guy. Don’t know why he kept trying to kiss the air next to him, though.

  10. monkeyinabox - January 27, 2006 at 9:57 am -

    Pauly – It’s nice to see that after a hard day of writing (cough, cough) you still have time to bring yourself down the level of the common man, tv-watching Joe. BSG is by far one of the best shows on tv right now, because while it’s good sci-fi, it’s not just sci-fi and that’s what makes it so darn good.

  11. Neil - January 27, 2006 at 10:04 am -

    Normally, I feel I’m on top of things. I watch all sorts fof crap, like Skating with Celebrities. But am I the only one here who has never watched one episode of Battlestar Gallactica? Geeks.

  12. Kevin - January 27, 2006 at 10:09 am -

    One of my earliest childhood memories involved Battlestar Galactica. We had just moved to a new home and I found a box that said “Kevin’s Toys.” So I opened it and, sitting right on top, were my Colonial Viper and Cylon ships. I started playing with them while watching Sanford & Son on TV in the basement of our new home.

    Okay, that was a pointless comment. Just thought I’d share.

  13. Dave2 - January 27, 2006 at 12:04 pm -

    A Cylon robot would be big-time fun if you could buy them as toys. They could help with household chores, fix meals, and kill people who bug you.

    “BY YOUR COMMAND!” they would say before merrily heading off to obliterate that jerk who cut you off in traffic.

  14. Fun Joel - January 27, 2006 at 12:11 pm -

    Uncanny. That, of course, refers to the first coincidence you listed.

  15. C Ro - January 27, 2006 at 12:50 pm -

    As usual, you are so right. For example:

    The fleet in BSG is in space.
    I am spacy, or so people have said.

    Cylons believe they are better than humans.
    I pity the fool who hasn’t seen the new BSG.

  16. Rabbit - January 27, 2006 at 4:21 pm -

    Oh my God, you’re SO right, Pauly!

    Was that convincing enough? No?

    Yeah, I’ve never even heard of this show.

  17. jg - January 27, 2006 at 5:01 pm -

    All this talk about the new BSG makes me want a television.

    Um, well, no it doesn’t. Not really.

  18. anonymous city girl - January 30, 2006 at 8:25 am -

    i must be the only person still not watching this thing.
    my best friend and i have a friday ritual… after work we meet at the posh resturant that has the free raw bar… after stuff ourselves on martinis, oysters, and shrimp, we head to the cigar lounge for a port and stoogie while relaxing into the big comfy leather club chairs.
    but every friday there is a new battle star thingie, we wrap things up by 8:30… when do the reruns start?

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