The Monopoly Piece Obsession
January 26th, 2006
You’ve got a problem.
Every time you sit down to play a game of Monopoly, you demand that you must be the thimble. You can’t be the dog or the car or the cowboy. You can’t be the iron or the shoe or the wheelbarrow. You can’t be the top hat or the cannon or the battleship. Not even the sack of money.
You’ve got to be the thimble or you’re not playing. In fact, if you’re not the thimble, your entire world will collapse and implode.
It’s an obsession that must stop.
“The thimble reminds me of my grandmother,” you’ll say and then go on to explain that your grandmother had the best luck of all the people in your extendend family network and that thimbles resemble sewing which has something to do with hard American know-how and follow-through. And that in playing a game of Monopoly, you’d rather be associated with hard work instead of going to the bathroom outside (dog), a vehicle that is responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths each year (the car), a piece that makes you think of two gay men in the wilderness finding love (cowboy), a dangerous burning piece of metal (iron), a shoe (you can never find your size), a wheelbarrow (hard labor is a problem in this country), a top hat (the Depression hurt so many people), the cannon (war is bad), the battleship (did I mention war is bad?) and a sack of money (we are too materalistic in this world).
Oh, but the thimble is okay?
Sewing involves needles — that’s the main reason you’re wearing a thimble. In fact, a thimble is personal finger-armor if you ask me. And what does that say for the rest of your fingers. I mean, honestly. Is one finger more important than the other nine? Sure, they’re your fingers, but c’mon. And besides, a THIMBLE? If you’re going to play a game involving buying up properties and becoming the Trump of real-estate board games, the last thing you want to be associated with is sitting at home, with big piles of yarn…and sewing.
Yet you’re obsessed with the thimble.
Surprisingly, in a recent triple-blind survey taken at some of the biggest Ivy League colleges in the continental United States, 68% of all Monopoly players preferred the car. Out of those 68%, 41% of car choosers demanded to use the car in a game or would refuse to play altogether. Seemingly, the car piece represented “moving around the board in a timely manner” versus the dog (walks slow), the cowboy (riding a horse for a whole game can be murder on the hind-quarters if you know what we mean), the iron (no wheels), the shoe (walking may be good for your cardiovascular system but it ain’t good for your knees), the wheelbarrow (hard labor, again), the top hat (unless you’re a magician and can pull a car out of your hat you’re screwed), the cannon (heavy), the battleship (need large body of water, which ain’t happenin’) and the sack of money.
Ooh, the sack of money.
If I was going to sit down and play Monopoly, I would choose the sack of money because at least then I’m aligning myself with the one thing I want out of this game. And in the real world, a sack of money can buy me any of the other playing pieces (even the cowboy). It’s surprising to me that more people don’t choose the sack of money. It’s a sack of money, people! I mean, please. That’s cold hard cash. I choose cold hard cash over a shoe or a thimble, anyday.
Fortunately, at least the insane mutterings of thimble-lovers and battleship believers is far better than the lot of people obsessing over “that yellow piece” or “that red piece” in games like SORRY that have thrown out the creative-piece manufacturing in lieu of boring, identical looking pieces (save, for their colors). It’s the color piece conversations that drive me batty:
Her: “I want to be yellow.”
Him: “I already picked yellow.”
Her: “But yellow is my favorite color. I have to be yellow.”
Him: “Take red. Red is still available.”
Her: “But I can’t play with red. I have to play with yellow.”
Him: “Why?”
Her: “Umm…”
Exactly. WHY. Why why why why why why why? Why does it matter what piece you have? What psychological obsession do you have that you must be the yellow piece or the silver thimble or Professor Plumb? What childhood trauma turned you into an adult who must hold the timer and the hungry hippos all at the same time?
Seriously, what’s going on here?
Cause if you ask me — you should have chosen the bag of money. At least in this day and age, that’s a Monopoly piece that makes total sense to obsess over. But the thimble?
Please.
I usually prefer to use one of the hotels as my piece. Confuses everyone, and really, isn’t that the goal?
Comment by annabel lee — January 26, 2006 @ 7:59 am
I was never allowed to play Monopoly again after the time I made origami animals out of the dollar bills. After reading your post, I feel like I’ve been missing something…
Comment by Flower Girl — January 26, 2006 @ 8:18 am
And yet, I’m also compelled to ask… when was the last time anyone actually completed a game of Monopoly?
Comment by Keith — January 26, 2006 @ 8:30 am
AL - I don’t think I could play a game with someone using a HOTEL as their piece. It’s against the rules. It just wouldn’t sit well with me. And none of those homemade pieces either.
Flower Girl - As someone who likes their toys to always stay in perfect condition (for later day eBay selling), I would not agree with such origami-like activities.
Keith - People like you, who ask if anyone’s completed a game of Monopoly lately are the same people whose only properties include Baltic Avenue and Water Works. Jaded monopoly players, like you.
Comment by Pauly D — January 26, 2006 @ 8:33 am
i remember the last time i’ve played, but not finished.
but when i do play, gotta have the puppy dog!
and don’t even start on the hungry, hungry hippos! i KNOW mine was faulty. the marbles ALWAYS went to the pink and orange hippos, regardless of where we played.
fucking hippos.
Comment by kristine — January 26, 2006 @ 8:36 am
And I bet you’re a purist, Pauly - none of that “Monopoly Jr.” crap for you. But oh, the “junior” version was a godsend when I was a babysitter…!
Comment by annabel lee — January 26, 2006 @ 8:38 am
Hey! None of my Monopoly boards ever came with a bag of money! I was gipped!
Comment by Kevin — January 26, 2006 @ 8:47 am
In my entire lifetime, there is only one time I can remember finishing a game of Monopoly. And of course I still lord it over certain people because I was playing against the most competitive board game player ever. You know the guy, he suggests “Hey, let’s play. . .” and everyone either groans and rolls their eyes, or suddenly has to go. And I took him down. Quite possibly one of my proudest moments.
Comment by Meghan — January 26, 2006 @ 8:55 am
Ha ha, the Thimble. Do you know what the Thimble is? It’s a sitting
duck. A road apple, Pauly. The Thimble is weak. It’s feeble. I think it’s time to put the hurt on the Thimble.
Comment by H.F. Peterman — January 26, 2006 @ 8:57 am
i have solved this problem by simply refusing to play monopoly altogether. well, that problem and the one where i get really really mad at the person taking all my money and want to punch them in the arm.
Comment by Sarcomical — January 26, 2006 @ 9:17 am
when we were kids, we would play monopoly at the cottage for days on end, but i don’t recall having a dog or a sack of money as an option. i do remember a candlestick, but i think that’s from clue.
Comment by better safe than sorry — January 26, 2006 @ 9:56 am
When we were kids, whoever had the dog would “water” anyone sitting in jail when going by. Still, the dog was not the favored piece. (Today the middle s in susan is invisible).
Comment by su an — January 26, 2006 @ 10:02 am
All the pieces of my Monopoly set are missing. So when you come play at my house, you have to choose from a peanut, a wad of stale gum, a thumbtack, a condom wrapper, a jar of Carmex, or a red cherry Jelly Belly jellybean.
The houses and hotels are missing as well, so I’m thinking we could use poker chips and M&Ms…
Comment by Dave2 — January 26, 2006 @ 10:39 am
Dave2 - I’ll take the condom wrapper.
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 26, 2006 @ 11:11 am
You have touched on my weakness Pauly, Monopoly. I don’t really care which piece I get except I REFUSE the iron, female oppression Pauly, you can have the stupid iron piece.
I love Monopoly and always finish the game, I always win too. I’m a tad bit cut throat and ruthless, my goal is to not only win but bankrupt you. ;0) For some reason my friends and family refuse to play with me any more…
Comment by Virenda — January 26, 2006 @ 11:19 am
Virenda - You’ll use the iron and you’ll make sure there are NO CREASES ON MY SLACKS thankyouverymuch.
Comment by Pauly D — January 26, 2006 @ 12:24 pm
I guess I don’t care what piece I get when I play Monopoly, because my short attention span will prevent me from getting too far into the game anyway. Although if given a choice between Monopoly or Candyland, I’d choose Monopoly every time. And if given the choice of Candyland or poking my eye out, I’d choose poking my eye out.
Comment by Amber — January 26, 2006 @ 12:48 pm
I can remember the time my mother threatened to leave our game of Monopoly if my brother continued “playing like that.” And by “playing like that” she of course meant winning.
Comment by Jaclyn — January 26, 2006 @ 12:52 pm
She was a thimble by the way.
Comment by Jaclyn — January 26, 2006 @ 12:52 pm
Oh. My. God. I am always the thimble. I was just online at games.com the other day playing monopoly, and someone took the thimble out from under me.
I was mortified. I used the hat, but it just wasn’t the same.
Sometimes, you freak me out Pauly D.
Comment by Dylan — January 26, 2006 @ 3:20 pm
We weren’t allowed to play Monopoly, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Old Maid, Candyland, Battleship, or Clue when we were kids because my sister cheated at every one of them. All we had were checkers.
Comment by Rabbit — January 26, 2006 @ 3:56 pm
when i play i prefer to be datrh vader.
star wars monopoly is obvioulsy the way to go. why own a measly city block and so many red hotels when you can rule the entire galaxy? (which is conveniently divided into city block-like section for ease of conquering)
Comment by evan — January 26, 2006 @ 4:06 pm
Fun fact: I’ve never played Monopoly and don’t know how.
Comment by Glen — January 26, 2006 @ 4:10 pm
I grew up playing Monopoly. Loved it! Had to be the puppy. I even used pink nail polish to designate it …… MY PIECE!
I seem to tag everything with PINK.
Comment by Thoughtsgalore — January 26, 2006 @ 7:06 pm
Dylan - You’ll always be the thimble in my book!
Evan - That’s awesome. Can I be the trash compactor? Cause trashcompactors beat Darth Vader anyday.
Glen - I weep for your lack of Park Place knowledge.
Comment by Pauly D — January 26, 2006 @ 7:12 pm
Snap!
I have an obsession with a monopoly piece:
I have to be the little dog.
And, in most standard games, I must be the blue piece.
Not in Clue, though. Or when there are unusual color choices.
I dominate at all games, however, so these things are not to be second guessed. Maybe if you were blue, you’d win once.
(Not likely.)
Comment by JM — January 26, 2006 @ 8:43 pm
I have to be Ms. Scarlet in Clue and I will fight you to the death for her.
Comment by Jaclyn — January 26, 2006 @ 9:01 pm
I had a traumatic experience playing Monopoly as a child.
A boy I had a crush on asked me to play and then he told me I could be the “DOG”.
My therapist says I really need to move forward but I still can’t play Monopoly to this day.
Comment by Jacquie — January 27, 2006 @ 6:58 am
I refuse to play. To this day I have never beat my husband in a game of Monopoly. For this reason we only play Scrabble… and only if I can keep score **evil grin**.
Comment by kristin — January 27, 2006 @ 7:29 am
Evil. Pure evil.
Comment by Pauly D — January 27, 2006 @ 7:37 am
Pauly, I don’t recall a cowboy.
But, anyway, I am the car. I mean, isn’t that REALLY the only one that makes any damn sense?
Comment by Lena — January 28, 2006 @ 10:53 am
You mean, you peeps actually get to play while playing Monopoly. I always end up in jail first round, and somebody else gets the Get Out of Jail Free cards all the time! Nothing beats the euphoria of owning Boardwalk and Park Place. Makes you feel like Donald Trump!
Comment by Shevy — January 31, 2006 @ 6:23 am