My Book Is Thicker Than Yours
January 24th, 2006
The galley copies of The Lost Blogs arrived this past week.
For an author, finally getting the chance to hold an actual bound copy of your book after all the editing and revising and what not has got to be one of the most exciting moments next to it getting released in the first place. From the cover to the spine, to being able to flip through it, is a pretty exciting moment.
Except I’m a little more obsessed with the fact that my book is thicker than yours.
Sure, I know you may not necessarily have a book that you’ve written per se — but go ahead, pick up any book nearby and I’m willing to be that my book is thicker than yours.
Does your book have more than 280 pages? Does the cover resemble the thickness of a graham cracker? If it does resemble the thickness of a graham cracker, is that graham cracker cover bendable or does it crumble into a thousand pieces when you try to flip the pages? Does the book you just picked up have the kind of weight you find in paperweights (like mine) or is it light and waif-like, making it possibly thicker but lighter?
Aw, who are you kidding? Unless you’ve got a copy of “War & Peace” or one of the Harry Potter books, you might as well just give up, join the club, and agree that my book is just plain thicker than yours. In this society, it’s all about excess and quantity and more more more more more. Well, with my book, that’s what you get. More thick pages than ever before. Thickness you can touch. Thickness more exciting than TV.
So, yeah. It was good to get the galley copies.
—
In other news, I wrote a piece about the process of writing The Lost Blogs over at Media Bistro that you might want to check out.
I’m almost done with Consumer Joe so I sooo look forward to The Lost Blogs. You’re brilliant PD and yes, your book is thicker than mine.
Comment by Jacquie — January 24, 2006 @ 8:40 am
Oh, Jacquie. That’s so nice of you to say. I’m so glad you liked Consumer Joe. Really. And thanks for calling me brilliant. And for agreeing that my book is thicker than yours. And for mentioning how you’re looking forward to The Lost Blogs. And for almost being done and being nice and all.
I’m amazed I was able to re-state your whole comment and make it way longer than yours in the first place.
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 8:41 am
Loved the article. Btw, do your peanuts answer you? And also, kudos. And also, your book is infinitely thicker than mine. And I don’t toss around words like “infinitely” lightly, so you know I mean it.
Comment by annabel lee — January 24, 2006 @ 8:51 am
Well, I don’t have a book…yet. So as of now, your book is thicker than mine. Thanks for sharing a great article Pauly.
Comment by Hilary — January 24, 2006 @ 8:57 am
So which do you have, DirecTV or digital cable?
Comment by Keith — January 24, 2006 @ 9:02 am
Keith - Technically, isn’t DirecTV a digital signal?
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 9:03 am
I hope this one is better than the last one.
Does a manuscript for a new world order written in six volumes stacked at the bottom of my wardrobe count as a “booK”? If so, I think mine might be thicker than yours. Oh wait, were we not supposed to say it like that?
Comment by Pierce — January 24, 2006 @ 9:11 am
Your book IS thicker than mine, which makes me wonder “Is Pauly’s brain bigger than mine?” And now I’m all paranoid.
Congrats — I can’t wait to read it…
Comment by Amber — January 24, 2006 @ 9:11 am
Pierce - Some people might fall for your “six volumes” talk — but the reality is that each of your volumes are probably only 25 pages, making your new world order yarn clock in at about 150 pages. Nice try, buddy.
Amber - Brain, schmain. (I don’t know what that means, btw.)
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 9:14 am
they’re on to me
Comment by Pierce — January 24, 2006 @ 9:17 am
OK - you win. Your book is thicker than mine. In fact, I’m only on page 3. Not too good.
Best of luck.
Comment by cassie-b — January 24, 2006 @ 9:27 am
Once I finish the book I do have with me — which, ironically, is the latest Harry Potter book — I, too, will be reading the copy of Consumer Joe I picked up at Barnes & Noble which is also ironic considering that B&N is the target of the first letter in the book. Or so it appeared upon initial inspection. Took those B&N bastards over a month to get a copy for me when they told me 3-8 days.
Comment by Kevin — January 24, 2006 @ 9:35 am
Congratulations!
I’ve never written a book, but I do know how good it feels to have something you’ve worked on for months finally printed/produced and in-hand (my first CD released last July). But if I ever did write a book, I’m sure yours would be thicker than mine.
Comment by Nicole — January 24, 2006 @ 9:42 am
Ooooh…! Pauly, I can’t wait to get my hands around your thickness!
xoxo
C
Comment by Thoughtsgalore — January 24, 2006 @ 9:54 am
If I ever wrote a book, yours would definitely be thicker than mine. I barely have the attention span to make it through a short story.
As for the book closest to me . . . it’s a dictionary. That’s all I’m saying.
Comment by Rabbit — January 24, 2006 @ 10:04 am
My copy of Consumer Joe just arrived yesterday (great so far!), so now I know I’ve got your new book to look forward to as well (yes, I preordered!)
Sincere congratulations to you! May you have many more thick book ideas to come…
Comment by Flower Girl — January 24, 2006 @ 10:08 am
I’m going to buy your book, Pauly.
Comment by C(h)ristine — January 24, 2006 @ 10:11 am
Your book is definitely thicker than all of mine; including all my translations.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity, Pauly, to write such a pretentious statement. And I now have “thickness” envy. Oh, no, more therapy sessions to pay for…
Comment by Rodford Barrat — January 24, 2006 @ 10:12 am
If you download the book as an audio book, then how can you judge the thickness? My head is starting to hurt. Help!
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 24, 2006 @ 10:25 am
congratulations on the thick book. i contend, however, that my blood is thicker than your water.
Comment by dgm — January 24, 2006 @ 11:02 am
Okay I am SOO behind. I am still waiting for Joe Consumer to arrive in the mail.
I tried my local B&N but they take forever as well, so once I’m done reading Joe Consumer then I’ll be getting your Lost Blogs book, which apparently is thicker than my book. :0) There are so many ways in I could talk about thickness but really it’s starting to gross me out, lol so congrats on your new book Pauly and I look forward to reading it.
Comment by Virenda — January 24, 2006 @ 11:22 am
i can’t wait until your book in on my “written swoons” sidebar on my blog.
Comment by Melina — January 24, 2006 @ 11:36 am
I just received my copy of Consumer Joe last week (haven’t started it yet) and pre-ordered my Lost Blogs! So excited about both of them, although clearly not so excited that I would blow off my college courses since I haven’t started Consumer Joe yet.
Comment by Alissa — January 24, 2006 @ 11:43 am
I too have no book in my resume.
But guess what I DO have, as of 10 am this morning:
The one and only XBox 360.
Bry bought it for me this morning. “Just because”.
I am SO getting that game for you. And SO kicking your ass.
Comment by Jennifer Lankenau — January 24, 2006 @ 11:48 am
If by ‘thick’ you mean Alan then you definitely have me beat, but if you are referring to the girth of it all it pals in comparison to my Playboy stack all bound together in one nice and tight voluptuous volume.
Comment by Scrivs — January 24, 2006 @ 12:18 pm
Dear Paul,
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my comment and telling me that that’s so nice of me to say. I’m glad that you’re glad that I liked Consumer Joe. And you are so welcome for calling you brilliant. I mean it sincerely. Your humor and the way you write your thoughts really intrigues me and keeps me coming back to your site. And yes, your book is thicker than mine. And again, I am looking forward to The Lost Blogs.
I’m even more amazed at your amazement by the fact that you were able to re-state my whole comment and make it way longer than mine in the first place. And I am equally amazed that I was able to almost accomplish the same thing with your comment to me. And now it’s a fact that my comment back to you is longer than your original comment to me.
I have been reading your stuff too long now. I think you’re rubbing off on me.
But I’m sure we all agree, that’s a good thing.
Comment by Jacquie — January 24, 2006 @ 1:29 pm
I have on my list to read “Consumer Joe” I will also add “The Lost Blogs”. I read your media bistro article…Why didn’t you just buy some “ripping good yarns” from “Kramer” and call it a “Davidson”
Comment by H.F.Peterman — January 24, 2006 @ 2:04 pm
Paul,
I can’t wait to read the rest of Shakespeare’s Dude, Where’s my car entry.
You’re a funny man.
Tara
Comment by Tara — January 24, 2006 @ 3:13 pm
Congrats on the book! I can’t wait to read it. And what a great premise. What’s next? Famous historical figures leaving COMMENTS on blogs?
That being said, I must take issue with your statement above, as my book is CONSIDERABLY thicker than yours.
Sincerely,
Leo Tolstoy
Comment by Tolstoy — January 24, 2006 @ 3:26 pm
Your big ole book is now in my Amazon shopping cart waiting to be delivered and is totally eligible for free super saving shipping. I think they only do that for the big books. Books that make other books jealous in the Amazon locker room.
My hope is that it’s completely unfunny and poorly written so that I can say to myself, “Hey, if that guy can get this published, there is hope for me”. (And I mean that in the most supportive way.)
Comment by Sher — January 24, 2006 @ 3:50 pm
Tolstoy - You’re already IN the book for God’s sake, what are you complaining about? And actually, the book does include comments on some entries as well — like Freud’s readers giving him their own annoying dream interpretations in the comment section.
Sher - For your sake I hope my book sucks ass.
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 5:24 pm
It’s not the thickness of your book, it’s what you DO with it!
Comment by Dave2 — January 24, 2006 @ 5:26 pm
Dave - We all know that’s a total fallacy. It IS the size of your book that matters.
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
Okay Pauly your book finally came in the mail (joe consumer) and I haven’t had a chance to read it all but the letter to Six Flags was HILAROUS! Lena and I cracked up and I even used my “nerd’ laugh which means your pretty darn funny Pauly. :0) My brother-in-law stole the book, and I’m a little pissed but I’ll get it back tomorrow and finish it.
So does black pepper really turn your colon black? That is some hard core journalism.
Comment by Virenda — January 24, 2006 @ 6:12 pm
Say… it’s not a hardback is it?
Nope… looks like a softcover to me!
I have some email in my spam-box that may be able to help…
Comment by Dave2 — January 24, 2006 @ 6:28 pm
have you got a movie deal on your book yet? i don’t have time to read, but i’ll watch the movie.
Comment by better safe than sorry — January 24, 2006 @ 7:06 pm
BSTS - There may very well be a TV/movie project in the works, but if there were I couldn’t talk about it.
It’s starring Brad Pitt as Lincoln.
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 7:08 pm
My theoretical book is soo thicker than yours. But that’s ok, because yours is way funnier. Congratulations!!!!
Comment by Adri — January 24, 2006 @ 7:09 pm
Okay.
So.
I just did the “look inside” feature on Amazon for your book Consumer Joe.
I think I may just have to order that one.
I’ll think about it.
Comment by Jennifer Lankenau — January 24, 2006 @ 9:11 pm
funny, i was just writing about thickness. . . the delicate thickness of necks. phallic, wonderful, male necks.
nowhere near as important as the lost blogs. or the found blogs. or the blogs that have been merely displaced.
in any event, congratulations on the publication of the graham cracker. hopefully you can take it to a high school reunion or something. i would do that. totally.
Comment by cecilia — January 24, 2006 @ 9:34 pm
congrats Paul…can’t wait to read it. I deserve an advancement copy for my daily reading of your awesome site, but more than that because I’m kind of a big deal. Help make me famous Paul!! I work at a bank for Gods sake!!! I need out…I’m pleading…I’m meant for more…
Time to dream of transactions
Comment by Nathan Best — January 24, 2006 @ 9:57 pm
Nathan - What exactly is an “advancement copy”? Will that get you a promotion at the bank? If it will, I’ll be happy to send you the advancement copy you’ve requested.
Comment by Pauly D — January 24, 2006 @ 10:00 pm
I don’t have any books nearby…only a stack of bills. And I have to say…Thank God my stack of bills isn’t as thick as your book or I’d be in major trouble! And coongratulations on getting your copies in.
Comment by groovebunny — January 24, 2006 @ 10:41 pm
Now Paul, does this book in any way make claims that are untrue that are masquerading as truth? I would hate to have Smoking Gun out you. I’m just saying is all…
My copy is on the way - if you’re lucky it may make my book column on my very popular blog read religiously by both my mother AND grandmother. You can’t buy that kind of publicity.
Good luck. I’m SURE you won’t need it.
Comment by Lena — January 25, 2006 @ 12:15 am
GB - Thanks and here’s an idea… Self-publish a book with just your bills in it. No one’s ever done that yet. Could be a fun thing?
Lena - I will admit here and now that every single thing in my book is untrue. After all, the book admits on the cover that it is the “historically inaccurate and totally fictitious cyber diaries of everyone worth knowing”!
Take that, Frey.
I wonder if Larry King will have me on now that I’ve admitted that the entire book is falsified.
Comment by Pauly D — January 25, 2006 @ 6:15 am
How come it’s always the people WITH a book that think the thickness matters? What matters is how the book makes the reader feel. Does the reader desire to read the book over and over even when the reader has a headache? Has the writer of the book really paid attention to the needs and preferences of the reader? Of course the writer enjoyed writing the book and if it’s thick, obviously he spent a lot of time and effort writing. This is important. A writer shouldn’t rush through the process. That being said, Pauly, I look forward to reading your blog everyday (and it is not thick). Somehow I keep coming back for more and I look forward to reading your thick book.
Comment by susan — January 25, 2006 @ 6:19 am
I enjoyed the article! And congrats Pauly D on your achievement. That is simply awesome! Good on ya.
Comment by LisaBinDaCity — January 25, 2006 @ 7:33 am
Books? I didn’t know they still made those things, what with the Internet and all…
Congrats Paul. I’ll be on the lookout for it…
Comment by The Centaur — January 25, 2006 @ 2:07 pm
W&P *is* on my desk, actually. Makes a dandy paper weight.
Comment by Figs — January 25, 2006 @ 3:29 pm
YAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Could you be more cool?
Comment by Lena — January 25, 2006 @ 7:12 pm
DirecTV may be digital, but it’s not cable. There’s no wire between your house and the satellite, is there?
Comment by Keith — January 25, 2006 @ 9:11 pm
Hi Paul,
Just wondering why the book website, thelostblogs.com, is one large image instead of some nicely formatted text? Do you not have any control over the site? It truly is awful!
Bon
Comment by Bon — January 26, 2006 @ 6:59 am
Bon - Yeah yeah, I know. The site is being redesigned by a kick-ass web designer and will be relaunched in the next couple of months. That is a place-holder for the moment.
Comment by Pauly D — January 26, 2006 @ 7:09 am
I’m in the middle of revisions for my editor. I guarantee at this point, my head is thicker than your book. I also have no time to read anything else.
It’s a dilemma, but congrats to you.
Comment by Heather — January 26, 2006 @ 7:30 pm
Sweet! Congrats Paul. Happy to hear that you found someone to pimp out The Lost Blogs site.
Comment by kartooner — January 27, 2006 @ 8:59 am
Are we going to find out later, on Oprah, that you exaggerated the details of the thickness, or could you spare us the pain of being duped with an exact page count right now?
Comment by Danielle — January 27, 2006 @ 2:38 pm
Danielle - I think I’ve already admitted that the entire book is a lie. Every page. The thickness, though, is as thick as I have said. Okay, maybe not AS thick. But pretty thick. Alright, so it’s a little thin but more on the thickness-thin side.
Comment by Pauly D — January 27, 2006 @ 3:22 pm