The Washcloth Conspiracy
January 17th, 2006
“You mean, you don’t use a washcloth in the shower?”
The words rang out, in fact they echoed in my head as I heard two people discussing this very issue recently in a local Bed, Bath & Beyond store — one person trying to convince the other that the only way to clean ones’ body was to use a washcloth. That without it, ones’ body would not become clean but would just “appear to be clean” when in reality it was just clean “on the surface.”
Yes, once again — the washcloth conspiracy had reared its ugly head.
There are soap rubbers, body wash slatherers, water drenchers, loofah scratchers and drip drainers — and yet, come in contact with one of the supporters of the washcloth conspiracy and you will be met with a look that convinces you that you’ve just kidnapped, tied-up, fried and eaten someone’s favorite pet. For, if you do not use a washcloth as an intregal part of your daily showering experience to cleanse and strip your body of the previous days’ dirt — you are a heathen plain and simple. You deserve to be drawn and quartered.
“Really? You’re kidding, right? You don’t use a washcloth? Then how do you get clean?”
Just like the Scientologists or any other really well-oiled cult-like machine (more on this tomorrow) — members of the washcloth conspiracy will attack you with moral cleansing questions in the hopes that you will suddenly go out and buy a 3-pack of cloths and start wiping and washing. They will give you looks and address your non-wash cloth wiping butt in front of as many wash cloth users as possible… It’s all they know and it’s all they’ll do until you bow under the pressure of the washcloth conspiracy.
But alas (did that sound English?) — I will not bow to the pressure.
In fact, alternative titles for this post included (but were not limited to): I Will Not Bow To Washcloth Conspiracy Pressure, Oh The Pressure Will Not Be Mine [Regarding Washcloths], Pressure Pressure Poo-Bam-Bow [Or, I Can Rhyme And Not Use A Washcloth Even With This Pesky Washcloth Conspiracy Rearing Its Ugly Head [Which Is A Phrase I’d Like To Use In This Post]] and Do You Have A Washcloth? Do You Love It? Then I Hate You.
When I go into the shower, it’s my opinion that taking a bar of soap and lathering it up and then spreading said lather across said referenced shower-taking body is fine. Sure, some body wash proponents (which is the same as the previously mentioned soap latherers) will tell you that they put some of the body wash into a loofah and rub that on their body. But some body washers don’t even do that. So if soap latherers and body washer/spreaders can successfully cleanse themselves without the use of a washcloth, well…you know where I’m going.
Washclothes aren’t necessary to the daily cleansing going on in our world.
Yet the washcloth conspiracy would have you believe that if you don’t use a washcloth that you are doing the rest of society a disservice. That you are walking around with a less-clean body than the rest of the wash cloth users throughout the world. That without using a tiny little square of cloth, you are overlooking the second most important aspect of cleanliness (flossing is #1) on the face of the Earth.
If I could spit on people involved in this conspiracy using text in a blog entry, I would do it right here and now.
So, enough with your wash cloth thoughts. Enough with the pressure. Sure, you may believe it and you may live your life by the guidelines set forth in your fictitious cleansing cult — but no matter how often you talk about it you still won’t ensnare me. You still won’t convince me. You still won’t get me to change the way I do things.
I refuse to use a washcloth. And yet I sit here now, smelling as fresh as a field of Dial (whatever scent that actually is) and feeling clean and scented and happy.
So, pfft, on you.
washcloths are almost as obsolete as stamps.
Comment by ms. sizzle — January 17, 2006 @ 7:48 am
and even if washcloths were self-adhesive, I’d still hate them.
Comment by Pauly D — January 17, 2006 @ 7:49 am
i use bodywash and my own bare hands. i don’t think i stink, can you smell me from where you are?
Comment by better safe than sorry — January 17, 2006 @ 7:54 am
This is just so personal … I use a washcloth when I need a washcloth and a loofah when I need a loofah. I don’t swear by anything. It depends on what your body has been up to.
Aren’t you glad you use Dial, Pauly? Don’t you wish everyone did?
Comment by nic — January 17, 2006 @ 8:05 am
better safe than sorry - PU! You smell great!
Comment by nic — January 17, 2006 @ 8:07 am
Ooo, nic stole my line.
Comment by Hilary — January 17, 2006 @ 8:18 am
I used to use a washcloth, but discontinued when I stopped bathing. It seemed pretty pointless after that.
Comment by Dave2 — January 17, 2006 @ 8:19 am
I think I stopped using washcloths around the time I was 18…aka, when I started doing my own laundry. But since I am dirt-repellent (the teflon coating has done wonders), it doesn’t really matter anyway.
Comment by sandra — January 17, 2006 @ 8:25 am
So what are your thoughts on washclothes versus sponges when cleaning dishes?
What about towels? I had a friend in college who used a different towel everyday and she thought that people who didn’t do the same were unsanitary. Never mind the fact that she was the only person in our dorm who had a basket full of towels each week in the laundry room.
I barsoap it up. And change towels once a week. If I remember. To change towels, that is. Not shower.
Comment by Kevin — January 17, 2006 @ 8:35 am
Am I the only one here who still uses a washcloth and enjoys it?
But don’t worry — I promise not to try to enforce my washcloth beliefs on you. I’m no Jehovah’s Washcloth Witness.
Comment by Keith — January 17, 2006 @ 8:46 am
Washclothes will only be obsolete when motels and hotels stop putting them in rooms and people stop “borrowing” them and taking them home. This cycle is almost as old as the sun rising in the morning and 7-Eleven being open for nachos and Mt. Dew at 3:30am. If they have it, we MUST use it.
In fact there is archeological evidence to prove that early cavemen clearly stated, “motel 6 have washclothe, must use it”. Pauly are you suggesting that we make a paradigm shift and discard this primitive, yet essential tool of all mankind?
So, pfft, on you.
Nope, it would be: “So, pfft, on you mankind!”
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 17, 2006 @ 8:51 am
Wash cloths are silly. They have a tendancy to get stuck in the washer and explode.
I’m with you on this one.
Comment by Daniel Nicolas — January 17, 2006 @ 8:53 am
A washcloth?
Alas, I think you mean “a flannel”.
Comment by Rodford Barrat — January 17, 2006 @ 9:07 am
ooooh, can’t wait for tomorrow!
Comment by kristine — January 17, 2006 @ 9:07 am
Personally, I am a soap and bare hands sort of person. It’s just one less thing to throw in the laundry later on.
Comment by That Guy — January 17, 2006 @ 9:11 am
oh…you’re supposed to use soap?
Comment by Wendi — January 17, 2006 @ 9:16 am
I do not use a washcloth. (However, I ADORE dental floss and it freaks me out that not everyone flosses daily.)
What I want to know is, for those who do use a washcloth, do you use a new washcloth every day? Because say you don’t. You’d be soaping up a rag to wash your face that yesterday you used to wash your…well, you get the picture…
Comment by Flower Girl — January 17, 2006 @ 9:23 am
I cut the washcloth out of my shower routine years ago. In fact, I’ve had a garbage disposal installed in my bathtub. I now prepare my meals as I bathe.
Comment by H. F. Peterman — January 17, 2006 @ 9:35 am
I can switch it up depending on whom i am showering with (YOWZA) so i dont have a strong feeling towards washcloth or no washcloth… what i do feel strongly about is soap bar on skin vs using your hands to suds up soap and then applying sudsy hands to skin… it’s just NICER people!
Comment by shawna — January 17, 2006 @ 10:30 am
I’m not even comfortable with the word washcloth. It looks and sounds wrong, and should be eliminated from the national personal hygiene lexicon.
Still, if people use washcloths, whether in addition to or instead of loofahs or body puffs (don’t even get me started, why do we have to sound like idiots in the shower, when we’re already physically exposed), they should not be ostracized by society. Well, not over-ostracized, anyway.
Comment by Esther Kustanowitz — January 17, 2006 @ 10:34 am
I get this stupid washcloth debate every time I go to see my family, I get the pinched in disbelief face with maybe an indrawn breath, “You, you don’t use a washcloth?!!!!” WHATEVER. I used those sponge puffie things and a loofa and guess what? I’m just as clean as the washcloth using person, only I don’t have dead skin cellls trying to overtake me and kill me while I sleep.
Comment by Virenda — January 17, 2006 @ 10:49 am
thank you for calling those conspirators out, pauly!
we should not sit by and allow the members of the military-cleansing complex take over. i mean, isn’t that exactly what hannah arendt warned us about in “the origins of totalitarianism?”
gawd!
Comment by dgm — January 17, 2006 @ 11:50 am
Does it not seem obvious to the washcloth users that by scrubbing dirt off yourself with a cloth you will thereby get some (a lot) of the dirt absorbed into the cloth and then the next day you are just scrubbing yourself in yesterday’s dirt. Gross!
Comment by Hope — January 17, 2006 @ 12:39 pm
H.F. Peterman or Cosmo Kramer? Hmmm.
Comment by nic — January 17, 2006 @ 12:42 pm
As long as it’s referred to as a washCLOTH and not a washRAG. Eww! Who would bathe with a rag?! That’s just ….. not right.
Comment by nic — January 17, 2006 @ 12:46 pm
Flower girls makes my point exactly. If the washcloth is the only way to get properly clean in the shower, then reusing it can only invalidate its intended purpose. Washing yourself clean with a previously used wash cloth isn’t washing yourself clean at all. And to take this to its conclusion, merely washing the wash cloth in the laundry after each use does not promise a fully sanitized wash cloth for the next shower unless it is washed properly (heavy dose of bleach and hot water only).
In fact, not knowing for certain that hotels even wash their towels and wash clothes properly, I never ever touch the washcloth in the hotel room. it is for that same uncertainty that I also wrap myself in saran wrap before getting under the sheets in that hotel room — if I sleep there at all. Most nights at a hotel I sleep in my car.
I think the only thing less sanitary than a damp washcloth in the shower is that pummus stone used to grate dead skin off of your feet. If ever anything should be disposable after every use, it is the toecheese stone. I would rather sit in my own stink and dead skin than hop into a shower stall that contains that rock.
Comment by Jerry — January 17, 2006 @ 1:01 pm
Wow. So much to respond to. But I am glad I am not the only one who so obviously agrees this conspiracy should go the way of the “dishwasher detergent” and “coconut flavored rum” conspiracies (more on those later).
Dave - Do you think that the fact that you’ve stopped bathing has anything to do with WordPress asking me to approve your comments three times before they allow them to go up? Is there a connection between your stinkiness and my blog software?
Kevin - Regarding washcloths versus sponges while doing dishes, I agree with other people who have commented about how once you use a cloth once, it’s DIRTY. If I scrub a pan I used to cook sausage in with a sponge or cloth, no matter how much I wash it out, it’s going to spread sausage stink on whatever the next thing I clean is. I use a new sponge each night. Primarily, I try to not use sponges at all and just let the dishwasher/disposal do their thang.
Keith - Apparently, you ARE the only one who still uses a washcloth.
Monkey - I never touch anything in a hotel room after seeing that Dateline NBC piece where they used C.S.I. like devices (a.k.a. blue lights) to show you the “dirt” left everywhere. Ick.
Rodford - If I was trying to woo an American girl with my English accent, then yes — I mean a flannel.
Flower Girl - More people don’t floss than DO floss. I’m telling you. This is totally true.
Virenda - I think the parents of today are big on washcloth guilt. I think it’s from the old days. Every parent I know sings the washcloths praise when, in reality, they are holding onto a stinky old tradition.
Hope - Exactly. Gross.
To Everyone Else - You know what you’re saying and I agree with you wholeheartedly and you deserve a free ice pop. Grape or cherry?
Phew. I’m spent.
Comment by Pauly D — January 17, 2006 @ 1:11 pm
Do you know how many washcloths one needs in a household of 4 if you use one EVERY time you shower/bath? A B-zillion. Know why…those pesky disgusting washcloths start to stink as soon as they start to dry, and then they become a disgusting crinkly smelly germ cloth. That eliminates multiple usage in my opinion…and after all who wants to wash their face tomorrow in the shower with the washcloth you used yesterday to wash your butt. EWWWWWWWW…washcloths are not for me.
K.
Comment by Kris — January 17, 2006 @ 1:20 pm
I had a roommate in college who used a pair of her underwear as a wash cloth. We didn’t room together the following year. Ick.
Comment by Alissa — January 17, 2006 @ 1:51 pm
My mind is spinning:
A. How can anyone NOT floss daily?
B. Is there a correlation between those who do not floss and those who use the same wash cloth for more than one day?
C. Couldn’t someone invent a single use washing implement, kind of like a gigantic BufPuf (remember those)?
Comment by Flower Girl — January 17, 2006 @ 1:57 pm
Oh man, I love this entry. My mom’s a Washcloth Conspiracist, and loses her shit every time she catches me so much as washing my face without a washcloth. Why on earth is this a big deal?
Meanwhile, I’m a Loofah Conspiracist because being the owner of a vagina and all, people keep giving them to me. I have four, one of which I don’t even know who it belongs to. That’s kind of scary.
Comment by Jennifer — January 17, 2006 @ 2:35 pm
I think a washcloth is unnecessary. If you really want to be clean, find a shower buddy. I assure you they do not leave an inch of you unscrubbed.
Comment by Rabbit — January 17, 2006 @ 2:51 pm
I applaud you for speaking out against the washcloth conspirators of the world! This brain (and body) washing has gone on for far too long!
For the same reason that I use paper towels instead of cloth towels to clean my house or dry my hands, I will not use a wash cloth to clean my body — after you use it once, it is dirty. And I don’t like doing laundry, so I refuse to get out a new one every day, only to be soiled like the others at the end of my 15-minute shower. Disposable washcloths — now there is an idea worth considering.
But here is something odd, and possibly worth the cost of some therapy — I do not have the same hang-up about my loofah. Granted, I have four of them, which I alternate, and I wash them all about once a week. And I use my bath towels for two days before discarding them into the hamper. Why, I wonder, is it somehow acceptable to me to use those twice?
Comment by Nicole — January 17, 2006 @ 3:37 pm
My girlfriend uses something she only refers to as a “poof” to wash herself in the shower. Now, I love sports as much as the next guy - but this poof thing makes one hell of a lather.
Comment by Dan — January 17, 2006 @ 4:14 pm
i don’t think i have ever used a washcloth in my life for anything but to wash my face when i was a young girl over the sink.
we also refuse to buy washcloths in our household. i’m glad someone is finally taking a stand for all of us. the pressure was getting overwhelming. *whew*
Comment by Sarcomical — January 17, 2006 @ 4:31 pm
What is it with mothers and washcloths? My three sisters and I had to share one, yep all four of us used the same washcloth for an entire week until laundry was done again.
Oh, and I’d like to know how Jennifer ended up with four vaginas.
Comment by Rachel — January 17, 2006 @ 4:34 pm
I’m a “poof” girl myself…my husband uses a hand-knit washcloth that he swears has loofah-like qualities.
Dan - my 81-year-old father-in-law switched to poofs last year after he discovered the same thing…he saves so much on shower gel! (And trust me, he’s all boy.)
Comment by Tracy — January 17, 2006 @ 4:34 pm
I do not know this poof people are speaking of.
But how about the bath towel conspiracy? As in how many times is acceptable to re-use it?
Comment by justin — January 17, 2006 @ 6:21 pm
I actually don’t use a washcloth because I just like to feel myself, skin on skin baby.
Comment by networkchic — January 18, 2006 @ 7:33 am
Damn you! It’s been 24hrs since i read this post and i cant get it out of my head. You have questioning my whole bathroom routine. Washcloth vs none, no wax floss vs. waxed, bath towel vs airdry, when to cut my fingernails???? where does it end.
Comment by H. F. Peterman — January 18, 2006 @ 7:55 am
I actually don’t use a washcloth because I just like to feel myself, skin on skin baby.
That reminds me of that 80’s song, “When I think about you I just touch myself…”
I feel so dirty now, time to wash up. Washcloth or not? DAMN!!!!!
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 18, 2006 @ 8:50 am
Am I the only person who has trouble getting a lather on the virtually hairless parts of self, therefore require a washcloth on those parts? If you take this logic one step further, said washcloth is NOT used on hairy regions of self, nonetheless IS used only one time before being copiously washed in hot water and bleached. I think this is the one instance where persons with lots of body hair have some sort of advantage. Oh dear, this is too much information.
Comment by susan — January 18, 2006 @ 3:58 pm
When I was a kid, we called them washrags (or warshrags, since we lived in the Midwest). And yes, I used one every time I showered at home. At some point when I was a young adult, a significant other took issue with the term “washrag,” so the little fabric square became a washcloth. Undaunted by this upheaval in my daily routine, I continued to use one until I went to England and Paris in 1998. The places I stayed there did not have washcloths (or washrags, for that matter), which as I understand it is the custom throughout Europe. (Whether Europeans as a group are dirtier than Americans because of this difference I’ll leave to others to debate.) I haven’t used a washcloth in the shower since then but have discerned no difference in my level of cleanliness.
I do, however, use a washcloth just before bed to give a once-over to my face, feet and the insides of my knees and elbows, which sometimes become a bit, um, humid during the day.
My point? None, really. I just feel much better getting all this off my chest.
Comment by Mark — January 18, 2006 @ 11:44 pm
I too am a lover of the “poof”. Um… wait… that doesn’t sound right… but you know what I mean.
And Pauly, upon reading about your kitchen sponge habit, I must say I’m amazed to finally have found someone even more anal that I. I don’t trust any one else’s ability to properly clean out the sponge when they’re done using it, so in this house I have my own sponge and the person I live with has his. He thinks I’m crazy. Then again, my kitchen sponge NEVER smells.
Comment by the swede — January 19, 2006 @ 1:53 am
How do you get your ears clean without a washcloth? I use a different washcloth every day. They’re small, don’t take up mcuh room in the laundry.
A bigger problem–dishtowels. I never use them, but people keep giving them to me. I use paper towels, because I enjoy desecrating the environment. A girl’s gotta get her kicks where she can.
Comment by miriam — January 19, 2006 @ 12:09 pm
How do you get your ears clean without a washcloth?
Well, I soap up my fingers, rub around my ears, and rinse. Ta-da!
:O)
Comment by the swede — January 19, 2006 @ 6:08 pm
Washcloth Ettiquette 101- if you use a washcloth, you must use 3! One for your face, one for your body and the other for your- u know, privates, because the next day you don’t want to take your booty cloth and be wiping your face with it! I personally have given up this ritual and just use the bar- i’m so fresh and clean.
Comment by Vas — February 8, 2006 @ 9:43 am
My husband and I have been having the washcloth debate for years. Without going into detail, there is no way to get the ears and perianal area clean without one! As for using the same one over, yuk! I don’t know how many we have for our 3 person household, a stack of about a foot high when the laundry is all done and folded, not a big job. If you got clean with a washcloth, the bath towel should be o.k. for a second shower if you are sure it was yours. Personally, I wash the bar of soap off before I rub it on my washcloth not knowing where it’s been since I share the shower with an anti-cloth male.
Comment by Julie — February 23, 2006 @ 4:18 pm
My ex-husband used a washcloth and towel for one week before discarding… (his mom’s way)…he even hung a rack on the bedroom door to keep me from throwing the items in the daily wash. (Don’t touch my towel!!!)
I was brought up to use clean washcloth(s) and towel(s) each bath time and I still follow this routine. One cloth for face and body and a clean one for the perianal area). I have a daughter who will use the same items forever if I don’t take them down. Washcloths scrub off dead skin cells and embedded dirt (I like bare feet in the house), and eliminate the need to defoliate one’s face. Moms like them because they scrub better than hands, (look at a dirty one after you’ve finished washing feet).
Comment by Mirabella — June 27, 2006 @ 6:33 am
My step-daughter thinks she doesn’t need to use a washcloth either…even though the pungent smell of BO follows her right out of the bathroom after she has bathed. She will argue to the death that she bathed well. The use of a washcloth has been strictly enforced with her because the rest of us don’t like gagging on the way to work and school every morning because of the odor. Smelling her makes me consider my washcloth my best friend!
Comment by Stacy — October 3, 2006 @ 8:10 pm
The wash cloth is the greatest thing. You must use them. I love clean, fresh smelling washcloth people. I’m tired of the grungy nose ring wearing, ragged clothing non self scrubbing people. I have a car just so I don’t have to ride the bus with all those ‘only rinse themselves’ people.
PS: Please don’t leave pubes on the soap, use a washcloth.
Comment by John — October 6, 2006 @ 10:17 am