Enough With The Chips
January 1st, 2006
Seriously, enough with the chips.
With New Year’s Day upon us, and football games and barbecues and gatherings by the millions taking place all across the World… With gatherings and parties and lots and lots of food being consumed… With supermarkets filled with people all slapping down their hard-earned cash for food to feed said referenced gathering and party attenders…
Can’t we at least say enough is enough with the chips?
Chips were popular in the 80’s. Do you remember? Dorito’s Nacho and Cool Ranch chips were the Rat Pack of the chip world, selling more than any old bag of silly salty potato chips and ushering in a new era of chip manufacturing — which brought us some of the most quirky flavors and types.
There were Pringles and Terra Chips (vegetables made to look like chips) and pizza flavored and guacamole flavored and ones with ridges and ones that looked like scoopers and so on and so on and so on.
But somewhere, someone forgot to stand up and shout to the world something like this:
Uh, excuse me…everyone? Can I have your attention please? Yeah. No, thanks. You too, buddy, over there in Michigan eating a whole bag of Doritos at once. Right. Okay — here’s the thing. Don’t you think it’s time we all gave this chip thing a rest? I mean, they’re chips people. Do they really need to be the center of every gathering? Do they really need to fill the empty holes in our lives? Can’t we find something that communicates that we put a little more effort into throwing a party than just picking up a few bags of chips? Don’t you think that time has come?
Keep in mind, on that last part of my speech where I ask if you think if the time has come…there’d be some kind of echoing sound so everyone within earshot would hear the words “that time has come?” over and over again so it would be a very dramatic moment that would strike a chord within each of our chip-chomping souls.
So yeah. Enough with the chips.
If you’re going to throw a party and you invite me to come over and I show up and when I walk in the door I spot a table and all there is on that table is two of those huge metallic or tupperware bowls filled with chips… And other than that there’s some drinks in the fridge… And maybe a warm bowl of salsa…
Yeah…no.
Why not put your effort into something a little more original? Or why don’t you NOT invite me to your house and I’ll just sit at home and eat chips out of my kitchen cabinet? I mean, a New Year’s Day party is nice and all, and really it’s so awesome that you invited everyone over…but have you heard of something called “being a host”? Being a host requires that you provide food, drink and entertainment and that also indirectly requires you to not put all the responsibility of party-success on three bags of chips.
So enough with the chips.
Seven layer dip, great. Freshly cut veggies to go with it, awesome. Some mini-croissant sandwiches, oh yeah. Do it up. Get some real food in there. Put out some fold-out chairs so people don’t have to sit on the floor. Provide some paper plates, at least, so I’m not walking around like an ancient Mayan chip-holder getting my hands all salty and then wiping the residue on the side of your couch.
Time + effort + no chips + good food = success!!
So today, as you get in the car and go down to the supermarket to pick up the fixings for a party that you’ve invited tons of people to that will be taking place today or tomorrow — remember this extremely helpful piece of advice and walk right on past those chips. Don’t even give them a second thought. They’re out-dated, a waste of your time, and no one who is anyone really wants to come to your party and eat nothing but fried, flat triangles of crunch.
Oh, and while you’re at it — get some napkins.
We all have to wipe our mouth, right?
My first thought was: “But… I like chips…”
But then, as I continued reading, I realized that nothing but chips at a party is horrible. Thankfully, I seem to nowadays have very sophisticated friends who always provide several kinds of dip and crackers and cheese (etc.) at their get-togethers, so I haven’t been to a “chip only” party since high school.
I’m not even sure it’s officially a party if all you offer to eat is chips. Seriously. Then again, I don’t mind a bowl of chips (or two) to munch on in the wee hours of a social gathering.
Comment by the swede — January 1, 2006 @ 11:22 am
I am slightly freaked out by your pyschic powers. How did you know that I ALWAYS eat Cool Ranch Doritos on New Year’s? Seriously, how did you know? And I live in Michigan too. Only thing is, I never eat the whole bag.
Comment by Jaclyn — January 1, 2006 @ 1:37 pm
Jaclyn - You so eat a whole bag. Stop denying it.
Comment by Pauly D — January 1, 2006 @ 1:50 pm
chips do nothing but give you baggy eyes (salt) and constipation (corn). and yet…
if there is salsa in the room i will eat chips until i die.
Comment by Sarcomical — January 1, 2006 @ 2:42 pm
Uh-uh Pauly, I so do not eat a whole bag
Comment by Jaclyn — January 1, 2006 @ 3:29 pm
i hate potato chips. bbq fritos on the other hand, mmmmmmm.
Comment by better safe than sorry — January 1, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
I’m okay with the chips. It’s the dip I object to.
Comment by Keith — January 1, 2006 @ 8:45 pm
Can we still have tortilla chips? Please?
Comment by Manic Mom — January 1, 2006 @ 10:52 pm
Manic Mom - You can have black corn tortilla chips, the real ones. You can’t have the multi-colored tortilla strips, the ones with fake-tortilla seasonings or any chips if you pronounce them as TOR-TAYLA chips.
Comment by Pauly D — January 1, 2006 @ 11:02 pm
But tortilla chips with salsa is the best! The salt, and the spiciness–MAN winning combo!
Now if that’s all that was there then that sucks. But you need the chips!
It’s like having beer and nuts without the beer!
Comment by Brian J. Hong — January 2, 2006 @ 12:07 am
Well, I for one love some CHiPs.
Comment by Erik Estrada — January 2, 2006 @ 1:28 am
Chips Chips everywhere…I am saying stop with the chips! but if they are in front of me I’m going to eat them…TTYL
Comment by Diana — January 2, 2006 @ 6:34 am
All this talk about chips has given me a serious craving for chips.
Comment by the swede — January 2, 2006 @ 9:59 am
People don’t want to make the effort, Pauly. That’s why they love chips. How difficult is it to throw out a few bowls of chips? If you deny them that choice, they’re not going to make you veggie platters and sandwiches. They’ll move on to the next available easy snack — popcorn.
Comment by Rabbit — January 2, 2006 @ 10:34 am
I love the chips. At our office HOLIDAY party, we had the white elephant gift exchange. My wife ended up with a box of Kettle chips. Hell yeah, said I! Chips, chips and more chips. I have more chips at home and some at work. Chips are good. And you know, you just can’t eat one.
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 3, 2006 @ 4:37 pm
LOL, well it seems to me as if you are out voted Paul, everyone LOVES chips. I agree there should be more than just chips, but you have to have some chips or its not a party.
Comment by Virenda — January 13, 2006 @ 6:34 pm
Paul, like an alcoholic I make up excuses to go to the store in order to buy chips. Does it get any worse than that really?
Comment by Lena — January 13, 2006 @ 7:44 pm