Airplane Travel Rule #110

Apparently, and I had no idea about this — you are not allowed to bring a portable hot-plate on a commercial airline.

Had I lived in the time of hunting/gathering where I was responsible for hunting, killing and providing food for me and my family — any steps necessary would be acceptable in doing so. But when I am faced with a four hour flight from Chicago to San Francisco on which there is no food whatsoever — I am told it is illegal to bring my food-preparation object of choice (i.e. my metaphorical deadly spear) — the portable hot plate.

I will find a loop hole for this rule. I promise you.

21 comments on “Airplane Travel Rule #110

  1. annabel lee - December 27, 2005 at 6:23 am -

    We’re counting on you, Pauly. This portable-hot-plate oppression cannot be allowed to continue!

  2. Kevin - December 27, 2005 at 7:04 am -

    Please let me know what you uncover. And if you can find a loophole for my portable blender wand, I would be most appreciative.

  3. nic - December 27, 2005 at 7:13 am -

    FOUR HOURS! It’s a wonder you didn’t starve to death!
    Those heartless bastards!

  4. kristne - December 27, 2005 at 7:57 am -

    you didn’t take the private jet?

    is everything ok?! i’m here to talk if you need me, Paul…

  5. Rabbit - December 27, 2005 at 8:09 am -

    What if you promise to make enough food for everyone?

  6. C(h)ristine - December 27, 2005 at 8:37 am -

    …have they removed hot plates off these planes entirely? they used to serve food on them. perhaps you could use THEIR hot plate!

    it would be cool to use their microwave.

  7. heather - December 27, 2005 at 8:42 am -

    You know, you could always pick up a burrito, or a corndog, or a piece of chicken cordon bleu…

    Just sayin’.

  8. Pauly D - December 27, 2005 at 8:57 am -

    “…pick up a burrito, or a corndog, or a piece of chicken cordon bleu…”

    Yes. That and one of those bloomin’ onion things from Chili’s.

    C(h) – I’m going to try and force my way into the secured front cabin area of the plane, past the air marshalls and into the food preparation area where I know they have food.

    I just know it. And I’m going to get it.

  9. the swede - December 27, 2005 at 9:04 am -

    If they’re not going to serve food, the least they can do is let everyone bring an extra carry-on. You know, a bag full of (pre-cooked) food.

    Christine, I bet if they were to let us passengers use the microwave, they’d charge us extra.

    I wonder whether a hunger-related hallucinations defense would hold up in court? I can get VERY testy when I’m not allowed to eat, and I don’t think I should be held accountable for screaming at the top of my lungs and possibly gnawing on my fellow passengers’ arms.

  10. Pauly D - December 27, 2005 at 9:08 am -

    True story: I once was on a plane that wasn’t serving any food and the woman next to me fell asleep and I noticed the corner of a fruit-roll up (still wrapped) sticking out of her bag. I promptly grabbed it, went to the bathroom (where I consumed it), then returned later, satisfied.

    Upon returning our trays to the upright position she asked me if I saw her fruit-roll up.

    I, of course, hadn’t.

  11. Keith - December 27, 2005 at 9:27 am -

    Pauly, Bloomin’ Onions are from the Outback Steakhouse, not Chili’s.

    And even if you could bring a portable hot plate onto a plane, do you have the necessary adapter to plug it into the power socket?

  12. Pauly D - December 27, 2005 at 9:34 am -

    Keith – Yes, I have more power adapters than a small South American country.

  13. nic - December 27, 2005 at 9:44 am -

    Is that how most of your life is, Pauly? Up-in-the-air?

  14. amanda - December 27, 2005 at 11:36 am -

    what about my quesadilla maker?

  15. anonymous city girl - December 27, 2005 at 12:54 pm -

    You stole some woman’s food (or as close to food as a fruit roll up can be considered) out of her bag on a flight?

  16. Keith - December 27, 2005 at 6:08 pm -

    Silly Paul… small South American countries don’t have electricity. Why would they need power adapters?

  17. Pauly D - December 27, 2005 at 10:22 pm -

    Nic – Yes. Yes it is. I fly by the seat of my pants.

    Amanda – That, too, apparently will be taken away from you by the Federal authorities. No cheese for you!

    ACG – Yes. Well, I liberated it. It didn’t want to go with her.

    Keith – You obviously have never left the United States.

  18. The Moviequill - December 28, 2005 at 5:29 am -

    first they allow hot plates back on, then it’ll be rotating shower heads, personal floor fans, Husqvarna chainsaws and all hell will break loose

  19. cassie-b - December 28, 2005 at 6:19 am -

    I hope they didn’t confiscate your hotplate. We lost a pair of scissors on the last flight we took.

    Happy New Year!

  20. Pauly D - December 28, 2005 at 6:24 am -

    You only say that, Moviquill, because you’re a glass-half empty kind of guy.

  21. stefan - December 28, 2005 at 11:58 am -

    I just barely remember seeing a commercial this weekend and the traveler pulled out his hot plate on the plane and was busy preparing his breakfast. Oh…it just hit me. It was a commercial for some Quaker Oats cereal bars I believe. Instant Oats or something or another.

    Hey, can you work on being allowed to bring fingernail clippers on board too?

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