It’s Over, Okay?

It’s over, okay?

When a holiday comes but once a year but then comes every single year after the year in question, you have one day and one day only in which to discuss said holiday, wish others said holiday’s greetings and smile and joyously tout the greatness of your once a year holiday extravaganza.

But as of today…you shouldn’t be able to do that anymore.

If you’re one of those people who (sadly) must return to work today and begin punching the clock yet again, you know you will attempt to take the first half of today sitting around the water cooler, the fax machine, the cafe downstairs, the traveling bagel guy who shows up at 10:25 each day or a variety of other time wasting locations. You will attempt to talk about your holiday, your holiday weekend, your presents, the presents you’ll be returning, the weather, the drama, the food, the sickness brought on by the food and will utter a variety of phrases that include but are not limited to: “Oh man, I am wiped out”, “You would not believe the size of that ham” and “Yeah, that’s what this bruise is from”.

But let’s refocus back-to-workers… it’s December 26th now.

Some people, feeling the need to keep the holiday-talk going on as long as they possibly can so the thoughts of doing work stay as far away from their brains as possible will begin to talk about the next holiday on the docket — New Year’s Eve. But can I just take a moment to tell you something before you start wondering aloud about what you might do, what you might drink and where you might end up naked…?

It’s not here yet.

And when it does get here and it comes and goes and you find yourself back at work that following Monday after having recouperated the previous Sunday, and you are hoping deep down that you can spend the entire first part of that Monday morning telling stories about that person you woke up with or that heavily-spiked alcohol or that dog you glued to the ceiling… Remember something for me:

It’s over, okay?

This trademark mentality does not only apply to single-day holidays, either. This thought process should not be limited to Christmas and New Year’s Eve and your best-friend’s, brother’s cousin’s birthday party at the local water park. No, this mentality must also be applied to a variety of other one day events that you should stop talking about immediately. These holidays include, but are not limited to Arbor Day, Groundhog Day, that day where you broke your ankle and got a cast, that other day where you saved someone’s life after giving them the Heimlich Maneuver, Easter, President’s Day, that day you got food poisoning, New Year’s Day, the eighth day of Hanukkah, the seventh day where God rested (and which you continue to talk about each and every Sunday it seems), that time you got the prize on the 18th hole of the local miniature golf course, that day you saw the entire Peter Jackson LOTR trilogy in an actual theater, your birthday, your parent’s anniversary, the memories of that day when you think you were being followed by a potential child kidnapper (and which never happened) and a variety of other days that you insist on talking about whilest the day has already passed and nobody really cares because they have their own problems they’d rather talk about.

It’s over, okay?

Listen to me. It’s not your fault. No, look at me. Seriously. It’s not…your…fault. No, stop turning away and pretending you’re not reading these words… Turn this way. Pay attention.

It’s. Not. Your. Fault.

It’s theirs.

The media, your bosses, your friends, those schoolmates, your parents, your cousins, your idiot co-workers, your doctors, your mailmen, your garbage collectors, those guys who ask if you want them to re-paint the street number on the curb of your house just because…but really because they want to sell you magazine subscriptions, and a variety of other culture and trend-adopters who think that just because so-and-so on the Channel 4 morning news wants to talk about their holiday that already happened that you should be doing the same when you hang out with your friends on the day after. It’s not your fault.

But it’s over, okay?

So talk about anything but yesterday. Work on something for tomorrow. Develop something that may make you a million dollars next week. Put away the half-consumed bottle of FIJI water and put down that handful of paperclips that you’re just going to throw away in the garbage after you’re done talking about yesterday that you only hold onto because it’s your nervous tick, anyway… Throw away the food and pull down the lights and return whatever you have to return as quickly as you can so no one has to hear about the nightmare you had at the local mall. Put yesterday behind you as fast as you possibly can…

Because it’s over.

Okay?

25 comments on “It’s Over, Okay?

  1. tony - December 26, 2005 at 7:01 am -

    “…one of those who (sadly) must return to work…”!?!?!

    Today’s my Wednesday, bub.

    And the only thing worse than working on (that late December holiday that only comes once a year) is trying to figure out how to greet co-workers in this God-forsaken… errr… “supreme being that may or may not exist, whatever you believe is your own preference, and we, as a company, are okay with that”-forsaken PC world we live in.

    Heaven… uh… “potentially-existent afterlife” forbid I wish someone a Merry certain late December holiday only to have them pleasantly remind me that they celebrate a different December holiday. Not that it happened at all, but the fear of offending anyone really makes that late December holiday just like any other late December day.

    Which actually, I guess I’m cool with.

  2. Mike - December 26, 2005 at 7:56 am -

    Before, during and after: business as usual.

  3. Dave2 - December 26, 2005 at 7:56 am -

    Most people coast on a Christmas high until the New Year, when there is a good excuse to get drunk and start coping with the fact that it’s all over.

    Until now.

    Nothing quite like a reality check to start your post-holiday depression a full week early! Now, thanks to you Pauly, I’m not waiting until New Year’s… I’m going to start drinking right now UNTIL New Year’s!! Good times!

  4. Pauly D - December 26, 2005 at 8:05 am -

    Tony – Today is your Wednesday!? I’m trying to wrap my head around that one, but I don’t think I’ll be able to.

    Dave – Just what I was hoping for! Shoot for three drinks an hour every hour and then go out and operate some heavy machinery! Oh, and at least then it won’t be your fault.

    It’ll be mine.

  5. kristne - December 26, 2005 at 8:36 am -

    shit. i’m still milkin’ that food poisoning day. and that was like two years ago.

    i guess i should take down my tree, too? how about the christmas lights? i’d like to leave them up on that one tree because it was a bitch to get them up there, paul. a real bitch.

  6. nic - December 26, 2005 at 8:46 am -

    Well said, Tony. And Dave2? Since when do we need an excuse?

  7. Glen - December 26, 2005 at 10:12 am -

    aw thanks Pauly. I needed that. Tough love.

  8. Rabbit - December 26, 2005 at 11:03 am -

    If all the presents aren’t opened yet, is it still over?

  9. Pauly D - December 26, 2005 at 11:55 am -

    Yes, Rabbit. It’s still over.

  10. nic - December 26, 2005 at 12:59 pm -

    It can’t be over. I haven’t started singing yet.

  11. Dawn (webmiztris) - December 26, 2005 at 1:55 pm -

    it really is over, huh?

    HOORAY!

    Hope you’re having a fabu holiday, paul!!

  12. The Moviequill - December 26, 2005 at 2:11 pm -

    Yep, now we speak of gifts we didn’t want and need to return

  13. Rachel - December 26, 2005 at 3:22 pm -

    Thank God (or whoever your higher power is) it’s over!!

  14. tony - December 26, 2005 at 4:06 pm -

    Yes, PD, Wednesday.

    My work week is Saturday-Wednesday, so Monday, being my third day of work, is my “Wednesday”. Go find Jon Cryer, he can explain it to you. *laugh*

  15. Will - December 26, 2005 at 5:23 pm -

    “You would not believe the size of that ham”

    Yeah, I’ve said that before.

  16. Jaclyn - December 26, 2005 at 8:45 pm -

    I just discovered your podcasts. They’re awesome! Thank you Pauly D.

  17. Pauly D - December 26, 2005 at 8:55 pm -

    Jaclyn – You’re welcome. I’m glad you liked them. Think of it as your holiday present I forgot to give you earlier.

  18. Keith - December 27, 2005 at 12:24 am -

    Wait… we haven’t held the Feats of Strength or the Airing of the Grievances yet! Festivus can’t be over!

  19. jenny - December 27, 2005 at 5:39 am -

    I still feel like it’s my fault.

  20. Tom Flowers - December 27, 2005 at 5:58 am -

    Love Thy Neighbor. We keep the tree and lights up until New Years Day; or later — which irritates the hell out of a certain neighbor.

  21. heather - December 27, 2005 at 8:41 am -

    It actually ended on the 25th, when Meagan’s kid knocked over the Christmas tree while we were playing Scrabble. So it’s not my fault, or her fault…

    It’s the kid’s fault. Everyone blame the kid.

  22. Helena - December 27, 2005 at 11:25 am -

    Thank you for destroying the one shred of joy I had left in my life, Pauly.

    I need these holidays to last. And you know why? Because the next one the docket is Valentine’s Day.

    *sigh*

  23. annabel lee - December 27, 2005 at 1:01 pm -

    Grrr. Apparently someone in my office didn’t get the memo. They’re still piping Xmas music through the cafeteria.

  24. Pauly D - December 27, 2005 at 10:49 pm -

    Someone should write New Year’s Day music. You know, songs like Not-So-Silent Night and I Can’t Sing Right Now, I’m Throwing Up.

    You know, for kids!

  25. Flower Girl - December 28, 2005 at 7:14 am -

    Ok…now it really is over. That makes this my Monday, but tomorrow is my Friday! Tomorrow night, I can begin my Four Nights of New Year…

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