A realization hit me, yesterday, while seeing the movie Walk The Line.
No — it wasn’t that Kevin Smith, Jason Bateman or Randy Quaid go to the movies just like me (they were all there seeing flicks) but rather that musical artists who are in deep pain, on drugs, coping with depression or just plain angry always choose one way to communicate their negative feelings…
They knock over the mic stand.
Is there really so little on stage to destroy that these outbursts must always begin with knocking over the mic stand? Are musical artists (who are, in my opinion, some of the most creative cultural icons in the world) so devoid of original thinking that they must knock over the first thing they see during a chaotic rage? Can’t they think of something a little more unique to communicate how they feel right at the minute things turn bad in their head?
I would hope so.
If I were an angry, tortured, soulless musical artist who was having trouble with women, fighting a battle with alcohol, down on my luck, looking like crap, feeling like everything was about to crash in all around me AND I had a show to do that night… The minute I got onto stage I would walk right over to the wings of the stage and I would pull out a huge gardening shear and snip the wires that hold the curtains up. I would make sure that all the curtains, on all sides, collapsed and fell to the floor.
Much more dramatic than knocking over a tiny, pitiful, faux-steel mic stand if you ask me. I mean, why not cause the lighting rig above the stage to crash down to the floor? Why not bring out a huge lamp and smash yourself in the head a few times? Why not stuff a hundred crazy bouncy superballs into your mouth so you can’t breath and which results in an almost lyrical throwing-up/fainting scenario on stage? Why not have your drummer shoot you with a taser gun or why not jump head first into a huge vat of water while wearing a hybrid iPod helmet/toaster still connected to an electrical current so you could electrocute your body…right there in front of a live audience?
But knocking over a mic stand?
It’s like the antithesis of being a rebellious, violent rock star. It’s like being hired to kill someone (assuming you were an assassin) and getting to their house, sneaking up into their bedroom, training your gun on their skull, waking them up and then… giving them a raspberry on their arm.
It’s like being a horse jockey (which I am currently training to become) and being in the middle of a race and being in first place and then at the very last minute, right as you’re about to win…you stop. And lose.
It’s like pouring yourself the biggest, most awesomest bowl of Fruity Pebbles ever (like a whole box, a half a gallon of milk and in one huge bowl) then sitting down to eat it and having a fruit roll-up instead.
Anti-climatic. Anti-exciting. Anti-rock star.
So, then — if this all makes sense to me (and it does) and to you (which it should) can’t we all come up with a better way for tortured rock stars to communicate their frustration and depression on stage instead of knocking over a stupid mic stand?
I have faith in my WFME pals. I know you’ll have the answer.
In other news, it looks as if Consumer Joe the TV show may have found the perfect host. It’s amazing to me how long it takes for these things to progress in Hollywood — but I may have an exciting announcement soon on this front. Not to mention, things are coming along with The Lost Blogs in the blurb/quote world. You can check out the first quote for the book (from the best-selling author of The Know-It-All…A.J. Jacobs) in the book section of the site.
In additionally-other feeling news, yours truly just spent the last weekend participating in a unique and exciting project involving such kick-ass bloggers as Jessica Stover, AJ Gentile, Shane Nickerson, Star Effer and more… The details aren’t up to me to reveal, but I suspect more about this will be coming down the information super-pikeway sometime this week.
And finally, I just wanted everyone to know that I’ve decided to purchase ear muffs. They will be manly ear muffs and they will be made of dark fur instead of light-femininy fur and they will have an AC/DC logo on it and anyone who sees me will not laugh, but instead say something like “dude, cool ear muffs.” I have had a fear of ear muffs for a long time, so my vocalization (or textual admission) that I am going to purchase previously referenced “ear muffs” is a big step for me. Thanks for all your ear muff support, by the way. (Which I know you are about to give me.)