Today’s Thoughts on Mic-Stand Knocking Over

A realization hit me, yesterday, while seeing the movie Walk The Line.

No — it wasn’t that Kevin Smith, Jason Bateman or Randy Quaid go to the movies just like me (they were all there seeing flicks) but rather that musical artists who are in deep pain, on drugs, coping with depression or just plain angry always choose one way to communicate their negative feelings…

They knock over the mic stand.

Is there really so little on stage to destroy that these outbursts must always begin with knocking over the mic stand? Are musical artists (who are, in my opinion, some of the most creative cultural icons in the world) so devoid of original thinking that they must knock over the first thing they see during a chaotic rage? Can’t they think of something a little more unique to communicate how they feel right at the minute things turn bad in their head?

I would hope so.

If I were an angry, tortured, soulless musical artist who was having trouble with women, fighting a battle with alcohol, down on my luck, looking like crap, feeling like everything was about to crash in all around me AND I had a show to do that night… The minute I got onto stage I would walk right over to the wings of the stage and I would pull out a huge gardening shear and snip the wires that hold the curtains up. I would make sure that all the curtains, on all sides, collapsed and fell to the floor.

Dramatic, huh?

Much more dramatic than knocking over a tiny, pitiful, faux-steel mic stand if you ask me. I mean, why not cause the lighting rig above the stage to crash down to the floor? Why not bring out a huge lamp and smash yourself in the head a few times? Why not stuff a hundred crazy bouncy superballs into your mouth so you can’t breath and which results in an almost lyrical throwing-up/fainting scenario on stage? Why not have your drummer shoot you with a taser gun or why not jump head first into a huge vat of water while wearing a hybrid iPod helmet/toaster still connected to an electrical current so you could electrocute your body…right there in front of a live audience?

But knocking over a mic stand?

It’s like the antithesis of being a rebellious, violent rock star. It’s like being hired to kill someone (assuming you were an assassin) and getting to their house, sneaking up into their bedroom, training your gun on their skull, waking them up and then… giving them a raspberry on their arm.

It’s like being a horse jockey (which I am currently training to become) and being in the middle of a race and being in first place and then at the very last minute, right as you’re about to win…you stop. And lose.

It’s like pouring yourself the biggest, most awesomest bowl of Fruity Pebbles ever (like a whole box, a half a gallon of milk and in one huge bowl) then sitting down to eat it and having a fruit roll-up instead.

Anti-climatic. Anti-exciting. Anti-rock star.

So, then — if this all makes sense to me (and it does) and to you (which it should) can’t we all come up with a better way for tortured rock stars to communicate their frustration and depression on stage instead of knocking over a stupid mic stand?

I have faith in my WFME pals. I know you’ll have the answer.

In other news, it looks as if Consumer Joe the TV show may have found the perfect host. It’s amazing to me how long it takes for these things to progress in Hollywood — but I may have an exciting announcement soon on this front. Not to mention, things are coming along with The Lost Blogs in the blurb/quote world. You can check out the first quote for the book (from the best-selling author of The Know-It-All…A.J. Jacobs) in the book section of the site.

In additionally-other feeling news, yours truly just spent the last weekend participating in a unique and exciting project involving such kick-ass bloggers as Jessica Stover, AJ Gentile, Shane Nickerson, Star Effer and more… The details aren’t up to me to reveal, but I suspect more about this will be coming down the information super-pikeway sometime this week.

And finally, I just wanted everyone to know that I’ve decided to purchase ear muffs. They will be manly ear muffs and they will be made of dark fur instead of light-femininy fur and they will have an AC/DC logo on it and anyone who sees me will not laugh, but instead say something like “dude, cool ear muffs.” I have had a fear of ear muffs for a long time, so my vocalization (or textual admission) that I am going to purchase previously referenced “ear muffs” is a big step for me. Thanks for all your ear muff support, by the way. (Which I know you are about to give me.)

20 comments on “Today’s Thoughts on Mic-Stand Knocking Over

  1. Rabbit - December 4, 2005 at 4:11 pm -

    Pauly D, the knocking over of the mic stand must be purely symbolic of rock star angst. If your angry, tortured, soulless musical artist had a cathartic experience on stage by causing the first electric to explode, then he’s NOT able to channel that energy into a kick ass song. It all about choosing the right creative outlet.

  2. annabel lee - December 4, 2005 at 4:20 pm -

    Wouldn’t it be cool if there were a club for people named Michael Stand, and at every rock concert, the rock star would hire one of the members of the club to stand on the stage, and then when the rock star succumbed to a fit of chaotic rage, he (or she) would knock over Mike Stand?

    Or not. I mean, I guess it would kinda suck for Mike.

  3. Pauly D - December 4, 2005 at 5:07 pm -

    Well, it would be a better job than a roadie cause you’d get to be on stage during the concerts. I bet Mike would get a lot of tail, if you know what I mean.

  4. Dave2 - December 4, 2005 at 5:14 pm -

    I’ve never thought of kicking over my mic stand before… but you make it sound so darn glamourous and exciting that I feel I have to give it a try…

    THE SET-UP
    My mic stand is a “Musician’s Friend” house brand that’s constructed from die-cast metal with a lovely black finish and a cast-iron base. I bought it for podcasting, but never got around to it. I’ve set the stand in the middle of my my living room after having moved all the furniture out of the way.

    THE PREP
    So as not to break my foot, I’m wearing my Nike ACG (All-Condition Gear) leather high-top boots with rubber soles and high-speed laces. To balance the mic stand, I’ve attached my Behringer B-1 Large Diaphragm Cardioid Condenser Mic. Known for its silky-smooth

  5. Dave2 - December 4, 2005 at 5:24 pm -

    HEY! I was truncated!

    …response and increased sensitivity, it’s a great all-around choice for voice recording.

    THE HIT
    I used a general-purpose side-kick with medium force, striking the stand 2 feet from the base. The resulting force knocked the stand over, smashing my Behringer mic into the television. As the television was on at the time, a shower of sparks erupted, setting the carpet on fire (thus eliminating my security deposit for my apartment). Fortunately, I had a fire extinguisher handy, and managed to get the fire put out before the entire room was flaming. My mic stand is in good shape, the the diaphragm on my mic has been melted, destroying my $100 purchase.

    POST-SHOW WRAP-UP
    I do admit to feeling a bit more cool now, though I don’t feel any more glamourous. I think next time, to get the full effect, I’ll try being in a drug-induced frenzy and singing Bon Jovi tunes (the good stuff from the “Slippery When Wet” era… not the crap now). I’ll let you know how it goes.

  6. Pauly D - December 4, 2005 at 5:52 pm -

    You are totally more cool now, Dave.

    But let me just remind you — mic knocking over is ONLY the kind of thing you’re supposed to do on stage. Not in front of the TV.

    Wah, wah, wah, waaaaaah.

  7. Glen C. - December 4, 2005 at 6:43 pm -

    Earmuffs? Why earmuffs? No one needs earmuffs. Chances are if your ears are freezing off then your ENTIRE HEAD IS TOO in which case you buy a winter hat. There’s no way you’re getting earmuff support from me unless you force it out of me or catch me in some sort of logic trap. Yes, that is a challenge.

  8. Will - December 4, 2005 at 6:51 pm -

    What if you trained with a sensei for a few weeks to learn the art of splitting the mic stand in half with your bare hands? Or with your FACE?!

    Congrats on the terrific quote.
    Congrats on the mysterious project.
    Congrats on conquering your fear of ear muffs. (And that’s a fear that I can totally relate to, by the way. What if someone screams out “Heads up!” but I can’t hear them because I’m so intent on keeping my ears warm, and as a result I’m crushed by a falling something-or-other? That’s a risk I’m not willing to take, so I admire your courage.)
    Good luck.

  9. C(h)ristine - December 4, 2005 at 7:35 pm -

    knocking over the mic stand…only second to when Tom Cruise runs in a movie (because he can’t act the angst or pain or anger as a character…he always has his characters RUNNNNN….)

    …earmuffs? in L.A.?

  10. Fun Joel - December 4, 2005 at 9:58 pm -

    Heh heh. You said muff.

    Err, sorry about that.

  11. Keith - December 5, 2005 at 12:33 am -

    Don’t forget about the guy who smashes his guitar on the stage. That’s real rockstar angst too. And the lead singer usually goes and kicks in the kickdrum as well.

  12. seenster - December 5, 2005 at 12:44 am -

    But it’s okay if you take your guitar, swing and slam the mic stand as if you’re playing tee ball, miserably.

    That’s what I do.

  13. Pierce - December 5, 2005 at 1:15 am -

    There’s a guy in a band over here who used bring a crappy cheap guitar to every gig especially for smashing. And no, he wasn’t taking the piss.

    If that’s not rock ‘n’ roll, I don’t know what is.

  14. Jaclyn - December 5, 2005 at 7:22 am -

    Maybe they’re doing some kind of reverse psychology. Like: “Everyone is expecting me to do something much more destructive than knock this mic stand over. Thus, I will be truly rebellious if I exercise restraint and only knock over the mic stand.” Or maybe not.

  15. Shawna - December 5, 2005 at 1:39 pm -

    what if they brought a broom onstage, and furiously swept the stage clean of ANGST?? then they could break the broom in 17 pieces and toss it out to the audience who would be overcome with passion and anger.

    or they could come and drink a giant glass of buttermilk, because buttermilk sucks

  16. Kathleen - December 5, 2005 at 10:23 pm -

    1. You live in California, why do you need earmuffs?
    2. Were you being Debbie Downer with the “wah, wah, wah…” comment?
    3. I am officially starting the Microphone Stand Awareness Fund or M-SAF to increase awareness of stands that have been unneedlessly abused. Stand for the Mic Stand.

  17. Pauly D - December 6, 2005 at 7:14 am -

    1. It’s like 55 degrees right now. That’s COLD.
    2. No.
    3. Let me know when you’ve made digital badges for websites so WFME can sport one.

  18. Kathleen - December 6, 2005 at 10:07 am -

    I think unneedlessly isn’t a word.

  19. Pauly D - December 6, 2005 at 10:11 am -

    No, I don’t think it is.

  20. Nathan Best - December 6, 2005 at 10:06 pm -

    I’ve thought the exact same thing many times, and I laughed out loud when I read the title. Good piece.

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