Think About It

Just take a moment and think about it.

It shouldn’t matter that you have no idea what I’m asking you to think about, nor should it matter that even if you were to think about something in an attempt to do what I’m asking you do to — you’d still be clueless about what exactly you should be thinking about.

Just think about it, okay?

Find a nice quiet place, on the corner of a nice comfortable couch, and pull up a nice squishy foot stool and put your nice warm, sock-enclosed feet on the top of said squishy foot stool next to that couch in that quiet place and just start thinking about it. If you could put your chin in one of your hands as if to illustrate the fact that you’re thinking about it, that would convince me that you were indeed thinking about it — which would make me pleased.

If you could also scratch your right temple just next to your eye and make a hmm sound to make it appear like you were trying to think about whatever it might be that I’m suggesting that you think about, that would allow me to relax for a few minutes here while you were thinking about it. Also, if you’d make that swallowing, smacking sound with your mouth accompanied by a sighing/breathing sound — that would add to the “thinking about it-allure” that I was hoping for when I asked you to think about it in the first place.

Sometimes I think that maybe it would be wise for me to give you some additional hints when I asked you to think about it. Sometimes you look at me with this blank look on your face as if you have no idea what it is that you should be thinking about or why I’m asking you in my passive-agressive voice to think about something in the first place. Sometimes, when you’re particularly confused about what it is you should be thinking about, you will wander away so that you don’t have to look at me, staring at you, waiting for the thinking to begin.

Stop analyzing and just think. Can you do me that one favor?

In the end, if I ask you to think about it and you don’t know what I’m asking you to think about, you’re better off making the sounds and pretending to think about it and answering “Yeah, good point about that thinking about it thing…” than complicating the whole me asking you to think about it and you trying to think about it by challenging my request with your non-thinking challenges.

If you don’t know what to think, pretend to think. And if you can’t pretend to think, just chew gum or something.

Because, believe it or not — people chewing gum always look deep in thought.

18 comments on “Think About It

  1. kristine - November 26, 2005 at 9:47 am -

    rubbing my temple, moaning softly…i know EXACTLY what you want me to think about, Paul.

  2. Pauly D - November 26, 2005 at 9:54 am -

    You think you know, but you don’t.

  3. Rachel - November 26, 2005 at 9:57 am -

    Thinking, thinking . . .

    Still thinking about what “popped up” on my screen when you were hacked the other day!!!

  4. Pauly D - November 26, 2005 at 10:08 am -

    Did you actually get redirected to that site, Rachel?

  5. Rachel - November 26, 2005 at 10:30 am -

    Yep. First I got some kind of error code. When I tried again, I got the actual site. And for a fleeting second I thought, is Pauly some kind of perv?

  6. Kathleen - November 26, 2005 at 12:21 pm -

    should I be thinking about what you are asking to think about? hmmm.
    sadly, I don’t have time – gotta catch Harry Potter* with my Mama! I’ll pretend to look thougthful in the theatre.

    *I haven’t read any of the books, and will be completely lost in the storyline, but I’m hanging out with my Mom! yea!

  7. Fabe - November 26, 2005 at 1:28 pm -

    be careful bub, i have forged a career on pretend thinking. i can pretend think in ways that will boggle your mind and force you to spend hours contemplating my cognitive stagnation.

    spawned in grade school, honed in high school, mastered at the collegiate level, there is no better pretend-thinker than i.

  8. Fabe - November 26, 2005 at 1:32 pm -

    btw, can you post a link to the perverted site some of us weren’t lucky enough to be redirected to?

    for, um, scientific research… and um, stuff.

  9. Pauly D - November 26, 2005 at 2:46 pm -

    I have sent the link to you, Fabe.

  10. veronica - November 26, 2005 at 3:28 pm -

    i like your blog, I insist… you think about it

  11. Pauly D - November 26, 2005 at 3:36 pm -

    I’ll think about that while I think about the fact that ever since I read the Archie Comics as a kid I always wanted a friend named Veronica. And Archie.

    Nobody names their kids any cool names anymore.

  12. veronica - November 26, 2005 at 5:25 pm -

    why thank you Paul! now that you have me you’re only missing the Archie 😉

  13. meme - November 26, 2005 at 8:03 pm -



    thinking…yeah, i got nothing

  14. Dave2 - November 26, 2005 at 8:30 pm -

    I ended up thinking about how to best confine a sufficient quantity of reacting nuclei for a long enough time to permit the release of more energy than is needed to heat and confine the gas in a fusion reaction.

    It all looks so easy when Doc Brown puts the banana peel in his Mr. Fusion machine that’s attached to his time-traveling DeLorean in those “Back to the Future” movies… but, in real-life… eh, not so much.

  15. LisaBinDaCity - November 27, 2005 at 6:13 am -

    I think I will consult the magic 8 ball instead.

    “Try again later.” 😉

  16. Julie - November 27, 2005 at 6:59 am -

    I’ve got plenty of thinking to do, but I will need to secure the services of a babysitter before I can get started because it is nearly impossible to hear myself think over this racket.

  17. Flower Girl - November 28, 2005 at 6:16 am -

    I’ve been thinking it over… And, while I normally wouldn’t agree to something like this, I think I’m going to have to go for it…

  18. Shawna - November 29, 2005 at 2:12 pm -

    i knew there was a purpose to gum chewing, aside from the delightful breath, that is…

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