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True Men of Genius: The DVD Jukebox Filler-Upper
Here’s to you, DVD Jukebox Filler-Upper.
Here’s to the way you blindly purchase two 400 disc Sony DVD jukeboxes, without doing the research. Here’s to the way you envision a world without DVD boxes, freeing those gleaming discs from their dark, enclosed spaces and putting them into…a larger dark enclosed space. Here’s to how you go out and purchase a PC keyboard (blasphemy for a Mac user) so you can connect it to the DVD jukebox so you can type in 800 different DVD titles for the on-screen menu instead of hunting and pecking on a crappy ‘ol remote… Here’s to a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
It seemed like a good idea in the beginning. I mean, it’s a jukebox. And it holds 400 DVDs. So it’s like a big DVD wall shelf but it’s electronic. And it’s a jukebox. And you don’t have to ever touch a disc again with your bare hands. So it protects your discs. And it’s a jukebox. And if you put all your TV show DVDs in there, you’ll have more than 1000 different episodes to watch at the drop of a hat.
And it’s a jukebox. Why does the word jukebox make people spend money blindly?
It’s like your own personal HBO without the repeated shows over and over again. It’s like your own cable network that doesn’t require a monthly fee or a satellite signal. It’s the mammoth monster of media and it is mine, mine, mine.
And it’s a jukebox.
The process in filling up two 400 DVD jukeboxes is a process that some have said “feels longer than the amount of time it took the Lord our God to create the Universe” but I just say, “p-shaw” to that. It doesn’t just feel longer… It actually, totally does take exponentially longer. While it took seven days to create the Universe, it will take me about 15 days of constant un-boxing, placing, editing, loading up, typing and categorizing all 1000+ DVDs that I now have in my possession in order to complete the job.
So the question is this: is creating a Universe in 7 days more important than categorizing and placing all your DVDs in a DVD jukebox in 15 days?”
Yes. Because it’s a jukebox.
I have quickly adapted to the process. I have speedily found short cuts to transporting hundreds of DVD cases from one room to another without having to make numerous trips (hint: it requires great balance). I have put together elaborate positive/negative lists that help me decide if I should include the BONUS DVD from TV show collections, or just leave them languishing in their boxes for years to come. I mean, when will I ever need to watch BONUS FEATURES?
Yes, the bonus feature depression quickly set in when I realized that BONUS FEATURES (the thing that gets us all to buy DVDs in the first place) are far less exciting when you’ve got a DVD jukebox, than ever before.
But proud, I am. Quick, swift motions, I can make. Before long, the thousands of movies and TV shows will be expertly categorized, organized, and placed inside the dark DVD domain — ready to be watched at any given time, at the flip of a switch or the tip of a hat. I will no longer need to “fetch the box” from another adjacent room. I will no longer have to search endlessly through a wall of multicolored DVD spines.
They will all be alphabetically listed in an on-screen menu that will make watching programming the easiest, most pleasurable experience on the face of the Earth.
Here’s to me and my DVD jukebox, my DVD jukebox procedures, my empty DVD boxes that will soon be locked away in a musty garage for years to come, my awesome genius when it comes to DVD jukeboxing decision making skills, and the sad sad reality that I will probably never watch a DVD ever again cause, well, I can’t look at the boxes to help me decide.
This sucks.
what’s a jukebox?
Oh, Melina. You’re probably better off not knowing. At least, from a sanity-standpoint.
Does the jukebox fit on the shelf for the DVDs? Or what are you putting on the shelf? Pictures of yourself? Stuffed monkeys? Beer cans from around the world?
holy hell, not one but TWO DVD jukeboxes, Pauly?
And sadly, Benny, even two aren’t enough to hold everything.
I’m thinking about hiring a dwarf who would just kneel by the two jukeboxes anytime I was watching a movie or TV show and I could have him switch out movies and stuff when I wanted to watch something that hadn’t been able to fit in the jukeboxes in the first place.
Pauly, I feel your pain. I’m about to make the jump from one juke to two. However, beig the geek that I am I hacked together a little program that runs on the PC next to the jukebox which taps into the DVD Profiler data, makes webpages and then after I choose which DVD I want to watch from the house’s intranet site, it spits out the IR commands to make the jukebox load the appropriate disc.
Of course, it’d be way easier just to keep the boxes handy… but then the kids get into them, and that’s a whole ‘nother ball o’wax.
Love the site.
The concept of a jukebox sounds cool… on paper. But I’ve played with them before (without actually owning one) and can honestly say that I’d rather not own one.
Funny how I had the actual voice and background music from this commercial series accompanying me as I read this entire post.
It might be worth it if it could make a chocolate malt. Mmmm. Delish.
holy crap…i really don’t know you at all, do i? or has the ‘condition’ progressed so far beyond the point of no return?
that reminds me of that song, “you’re taking me…to the point of no return”. do you have that on your juke?
now it’s stuck in my head…damn you.
Wow, it is SO agonizing that, as a result, you momentarily began to speak like Yoda. Must be a real burden indeed.
But thanks for the warning.
Dude – more about hiring the dwarf. A media dwarf could come in so handy to people like us, who have so many DVDs, CDs and Video Tapes. And they’d be great as stocking stuffers.
T. Malone – I honestly wish I had a friend that was a dwarf. I wouldn’t make him or her be my slave either. I’d just wanna hang out with them and do tequila shots at bars and stuff.
just drop by…. the jukebox look ok but its kinda bulky….nice blog.
…or maybe have them as an ice-skating partner.
I know exactly what you mean Pauly. I myself have over 20 DVDs now and they are starting to take up a lot of room. Maybe I need to buy a jukebox, or should I get two, too?
The true men of genius are those who’s marketing schemes made you think you had a NEED to not only own hundreds of DVDs of programs and movies that really aren’t worth collecting but also TWO jukeboxes to store them all. Seriously, I think you would have to measure in terms of years the amount of time you must spend to watch each and every one of your dvds from start to finish. The creation of heaven and earth would be a mere blip on that timeline.
I love a man with a large DVD collection.
And I know how to use it, too, HMH.
when are you inviting all of us over for a demo?
Couldn’t help but think of this.