If I Was In ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’
November 14th, 2005
If I took over Kathy Bates’ role in the film Fried Green Tomatoes, things would be different.
Don’t get me wrong… Kathy Bates was a tour de force of acting greatness in her role as ‘Evelyn Couch’ — she served up sass, independence and hilarity all the way through the 1991 film. But besides her sass and her tomatoes (which were fried) and her highlighted hair and flowery dresses and her spitfire attitude…well, I question some of her actions.
Most specifically, the sequence in which she smashes her car (on purpose) into someone else’s.
You may or may not recall the sequence in which Evelyn Couch is waiting patiently for a spot in a shopping center parking lot. Just as the spot becomes available, two younger girls speed in and snake the spot away from her. Well, Evelyn is stunned, and as the girls get out of the car the exchange goes a little something like this:
Evelyn Couch: “Hey! I was waiting for that spot!”
Girl #1: “Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster! “
Then, without warning, Evelyn snaps…and rear-ends the girls’ car about six times. The girls freak out, screaming aloud that she’s crazy and what the hell is she doing…all the while Evelyn just smiles, looks to them and says:
Evelyn Couch: “Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.”
So so so so so so wrong.
First of all, let me just throw out my huge problem with this whole scenario. No matter how old anyone is, age has nothing to do with having more or less insurance. You could be 25 and 55 and still have the same amount of insurance. And, duh, Kathy Bates? Don’t you see that there are eyewitnesses standing around watching you smash into someone else’s car? And even if there weren’t, don’t you expect that two people against one person is a losing battle you should not want to be a part of — especially (and this is key) when you’ve got tomatoes that need frying?
And even on top of that whole real world situation — doesn’t it also make sense that when the local accident investigators (or police) arrive, that they’ll be able to tell from the damage to their car, just who was responsible for it? Sure, maybe that’s why Kathy Bates said she’s got more insurance. Maybe she’s willing to have to pay for it. Sure. But there are way more cleverer ways to get back at these girls than openly smashing their car while they watch.
Here, imagine me in the Kathy Bates role, and let’s go back to the point in the scene where the girls have stolen the spot I was waiting for, and now they’re getting out of their car:
Me: “Hey! I was waiting for that spot!”
Girl #1: “Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster! “
Me: “I’m not a lady. I’m a guy.”
That’s where they’d look at me — I don’t know if my wardrobe would still have to be the same as what Kathy Bates wore in the movie, but I expect it would so…
Girl #2: “Good god, then why are you wearing a dress?”
Me: “Look, forget about the dress. Either you move your car or else.”
Girl #1: “Or else…what?”
See? They took the bait. I said ‘or else’ and they said ‘or else, what?’ Now, I had them thinking, I had those wheels turning. I had them wondering just what exactly I might do to their car while they were in the supermarket. They would disappear into the market and when they came back out I would be gone. (I would have moved on to another store altogether since I wouldn’t want to get involved in a whole insurance claim that would end up causing me more stress than ever before.)
But. And here’s the big BUT.
When those snarky girls got back to their car, after having had that verbal run-in with me…Evelyn Couch… They would have remembered that I had said that whole “or else” line and when they got into their car, they might wonder to themselves (just like people who piss off waiters wonder about their food when it arrives) just what exactly might be wrong with their car?
For all they know I could have disconnected their brake lines. Or drained all the oil. Or put sugar in their gas tank. Or very carefully stuck tiny little splinters of wood in the seats (which would, during the summer months, catch on their bare legs and cause problems). Or reprogrammed their clock. Or changed their presets on their radio to all talk radio. Or, or, or, tons of other stuff. Psychological stuff. Stuff that would, again, leave me time for the tomatoes and a life free of insurance claims and waiting on hold with my insurance company and trying to come up with a good explanation for why I smashed into some girls’ car, six times, that actually didn’t make me look like a loon.
Sure, we all find ourselves in situations where we want to smash into other people’s cars because they’re idiots, but in the end, isn’t it much more satisfying to yell obscenities at them while alluding to the fact that you might be insane, crazy, and willing to secretly do things like blowing hot air on their back window from your mouth, writing a nasty phrase in the fog, then knowing that the next cold morning when they defrost it — voila… That nasty comment will suddenly appear?
I don’t want to bag on Kathy Bates or anything, but I think she should have spoken up to the Producers and given them a few other alternatives to the sequence, that would have come across as more “real” and more “true” to the real world. Although, when you really sit down and think about it, people don’t get all crazy over fried green tomatoes either, so I guess the whole movie is sort of a fantasy/sci-fi kind of flick.
Still.
If I was in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes as the Evelyn Couch character, I would totally do things differently and never smash into that car. I’d also try to not have to wear the same wardrobe as Kathy Bates did, but by the time I got involved you never know how much of that stuff they’d have already purchased….and with budgets of films going through the roof these days, I may have no choice. Just as long as I didn’t have to wear a flowery print.
I’m a Winter. Not a Spring, okay?
At least as part of my deal, I’d hope the Producers would respect that fact.
Those are great suggestions- especially the switching the station to talk radio. I am definitely going to start doing that instead of my usual ramming the car bit that I’ve been doing since FGT came out.
but the real question is, would you still wrap yourself in saran wrap?
Comment by Lizzie — November 14, 2005 @ 10:08 am
If you did play Evelyn Couch in Fried Green Tomatoes that would explain why she didn’t want to look at her vagina in the mirror at the women’s group. Interesting.
Comment by Alissa — November 14, 2005 @ 10:26 am
Yes to Saran Wrap. Yes, to Alissa.
Comment by Pauly D — November 14, 2005 @ 10:34 am
i definitely agree- you are more of a winter than a spring.
and really, poor kathy bates being forced to wear those hideous dresses. just one more way the media wants to be “down on the fat chick.” shame, shame.
that moment though, the parking lot scene you speak of, couldn’t go down any other way. it is necessary for her to TOWANDA because she has reached her breaking point. that moment snaps her into action and she stops being a shy, overly nice doormat. it’s perfect (even if the insurance line doesn’t make sense).
Comment by ms. sizzle — November 14, 2005 @ 10:46 am
Intentional destruction of property = denied claim. Good ol’ Evelyn would have to get a full time job at the local Fried Green Tomatoes stand to pay for her PLR (parking lot rage.)
Pauly, though I’m sure you have the legs for it, I don’t think you should have to wear a dress to play Evelyn. Couldn’t you just be Edward Couch?
Comment by Flower Girl — November 14, 2005 @ 10:49 am
I’m with Sizzling here, that scene is cathartic! It’s one of my favourite scenes in the movie and I don’t care if the insurance thing is bogus - love the look on the girls’ faces.
But I really enjoyed this post, first time I ever heard a man even acknowlege that the movie even exists - and the debate with the girls is priceless! So, I’m thinking this scene would be a favourite either way…
Comment by Rarity — November 14, 2005 @ 11:27 am
I am simply speechless. And it rarely happens.
You’re a winter?
Comment by LisaBinDaCity — November 14, 2005 @ 11:32 am
I refuse to answer that question, Lisa, as it may incriminate me.
Comment by Pauly D — November 14, 2005 @ 11:35 am
I’m going to disagree with you, I actually do get all crazy over fried green tomatoes. I wait all year to eat them and then when I can, I make entire meals that revolve around them. Sure my husband will beg me, no more fried green tomatoes, but do I listen? I think not, my friend, I think not.
Comment by Fully — November 14, 2005 @ 11:58 am
I guess I’ll just ask what everyone is thinking: what if you were the Kathy Bates character in Misery?
Comment by jenny — November 14, 2005 @ 12:15 pm
Well then, Jenny. We’d probably have a big problem.
Comment by Pauly D — November 14, 2005 @ 12:16 pm
you would surely win an award for that performance! ;-)~
Comment by Wendi — November 14, 2005 @ 12:19 pm
I actually knew the girl that played little Idgy in Fried Green Tomatoes.
Comment by Shanon — November 14, 2005 @ 12:56 pm
If you, as Evelyn, were in NJ, you could have gotten away with rear-ending the parked car and most likely you could have also pulled off a whiplash claim and taken the younger, faster chicks’ insurance company for a great settlement. It is a No-Fault State and younger and faster in Jersey means obscenely higher insurance rates so most young and fast try to skimp on their policy specifics. You - Boy Evelyn - could have not only gotten that cathartic release the women here seem to love, but you could have also gotten enough cash to permanently hire someone else to fry your tomatoes, purchase your new “winter” dresses and even get gastric bypass surgery to make that saran wrap scene so much more hot. Fried Green Tomatoes and the Garden State? Perfect Together.
Comment by jerry — November 14, 2005 @ 1:11 pm
She could have just waited 90 minutes until the parking space opened up again when the girls returned. Then the movie could have been about her “waiting.” It could have been an experimental “real-time” piece of cinema as the camera slowly zooms in on her face as she sits in the car and remembers her childhood ala Ingmar Bergman — and how she was always “waiting” for her Prince Charming to come along, but he never did. And “Fried Green Tomatos” would be a southern psychological term for someone slowly going insane — and also a metaphor for life itself.
I’d see that one.
Comment by Neil — November 14, 2005 @ 1:14 pm
What if she followed them into the store and rammed them with her shopping cart? Not repeatedly, as that would be obvious. Perhaps once by the soup, and once more by the produce… and then before they got into line to check out, step on the back of their shoes?
Let’s brainstorm.
Comment by Shawna — November 14, 2005 @ 1:56 pm
If I were Evelyn, I would have let the girls go inside, gotten out my mist-sprayer full of water, some generic rice crispies and plastic spoons.
I would dance about the girls’ car, misting it with water, then sprinkling the crispies generously over their gleaming paint. I’d gracefully toss on a few spoons for garnish.
While those b*tches were in the store, the sun would be baking the crispies onto the paint.
Sweet, sweet revenge…kind of tastes like fried green tomatoes.
Comment by Flower Girl — November 14, 2005 @ 1:56 pm
“Misery,” Jen? That’s strange, I instantly envisioned Pauly D taking on Kathy Bate’s role in “About Schmidt.”
At first I was scared, but once I got to thinking about it… the hot tub scene was actually improved.
Now I am REALLY scared.
Comment by Dave2 — November 14, 2005 @ 3:43 pm
I’m thinking about Pauly D as Mama Boucher from “The Waterboy.” She was a pretty tough cookie, always saying things like, “It’s the devil!”
Comment by Fabe — November 14, 2005 @ 6:53 pm
If you were cast in the part, who would care about tomatoes, young, old, or fried, they would just skip to the Saran Wrap scene.
Comment by Robbie — November 14, 2005 @ 11:32 pm
It’s almost like you are the James Caan of “Misery” - forced to write blog after blog, day after day. There is no escape for you.
Comment by nic — November 15, 2005 @ 6:11 am
I was gonna say, in Jersey she wouldve had the spirit of it right. My damn neighbor came home drunk and hit my car parked in the street THREE times and got insurance to cover it. In case you’re wondering, my insurance went up too. Of course. @#$% Jersey. But his insurance bill :::laughs evilly::: I hope his wife knows CPR.
Comment by That Girl — November 15, 2005 @ 10:25 am
You all missed the point. It’s the action that Kathy Bates took, we all at one time or another would love to act out what it going on in our mind but we don’t because it is not politically correct! That was the beauty of it, somebody did what we all wished we could do.
Comment by Sherry — August 15, 2006 @ 9:25 am