It’s become an epidemic.
You may recall the two previous times Kristy McNichol (70’s mega star of such gems as Little Darlings and The Pirate Movie as well as the 80’s show Empty nest) was caught following me. The first, at a patio furniture store… The second, at the movies.
Well, on this glorious Sunday, Kristy McNichol has struck again. At the supermarket.
What began as a “oh how funny there’s Kristy McNichol” moment and evolved into “oh how ironic I saw her earlier today and now here she is again in the same place as me” suspicion has now officially become a “third times the charm as well as the confirmation that I’m being stalked by a 70’s celebrity” epidemic. Kristy McNichol is probably in my bathroom right this minute, but I’m sort of afraid to check.
But with there being two previous situations and no proof, I set out today to give WFME readers worldwide the confirmation that these things are really happening to me and these aren’t the insane mutterings of a wannabe stalkee.
I decided that I needed to ask Kristy McNichol to take a picture with me.
I followed her throughout the supermarket — watched her as she carefully picked up the items that were important to her (i.e. bananas, cherry tomatoes, two bottles of Aquafina water, some baked beans, mexican taco seasoning, etc) and followed her into the aisle that houses the candy canned food. You know, Chef Boyardee crap. Beans, ravioli, pasta in a can. I had my trusty Sidekick cell phone/camera with me and I decided that now would be as good a time as any to break the bread with the woman I had a crush on throughout my formative years.
Me: “Kristy McNichol.”
She looked at me — sad to say she was a mere shadow of what she once was. Spiky-cut hair, a little too much make-up, and an annoyed look on her face like I had just said something like “excuse me, but I think a bird just crapped on your head.” She flashed this kind of eerie smile and then turned back around like she didn’t even want to deal with it.
Me: “This may sound random, and I apologize for bothering you…” I said, “But this is the third time you and I have been in the same place and it sort of feels like we’re stalking each other… You know?”
The phrase “stalking” sort of echoed in the air for a few minutes and I realized it probably wasn’t the best way to word it.
Me: “Maybe ‘stalking’ isn’t the right word. I guess you and I just have similar interests. Patio furniture, movies… Chef Boyardee…? I’d love to just be able to get a picture with you…”
Kristy McNichol: “I’d love to just be able to finish my shopping…”
Oooooh. SLAM. I tried to regain my composure as she moved a little bit away from me and kneeled down in her jogging suit to pick out something from the shelf. I quickly swung out my already-ready Sidekick phone and took this picture. The electronic picture-taking sound of the phone alerted her and she swung around to glare at me.
Me: “I loved you in Little Darlings. I just want you to know that.”
She threw the can of whatever she’d just grabbed into her basket and turned…heading away from me down the aisle. That was around the time that I snapped this picture. Blurry and out of focus, but Kristy McNichol nonetheless.
The moral of the story, it seems, has nothing to do with celebrities stalking me or NOT stalking me, nor does it have anything to do with ravioli or supermarkets. The moral it seems is this:
Take the picture from the front. With a good camera. And not a Sidekick.
I guess you live and you learn.