It’s not me…it’s you.
I don’t know what’s happened out there in society, but when did the trademark breakup phrase “It’s not you, it’s me” suddenly become the much more accusatory “It’s not me, it’s you”?
The original phrase used to work wonders in breaking up with someone you were dating, keeping one from having to list all the other person’s faults and hurting them at the same time — by just admitting (although it was a lie) that the reason for the break-up was out of the breakee’s hands since it was all due to the breaker-upper’s own issues.
But today? Things have substantially changed.
Now that we’re in the me me me me me era of society where people are more concerned with how others refer to them, write about them, blog about them and talk about them — no one wants to be the person whose fault it was that a relationship broke up. For if twelve relationships break up and it’s YOU, not THEM — that kinda stuff is gonna get around quicklike. Then, before long, society will mark you as a troublemaker and a constant problem in the world of romance.
Before long, such actions will cause your online dating profile to be blacklisted forever by that eHarmony guy (who is, in my opinion, a combination of Joseph McCarthy, Hitler and Captain Kangaroo all rolled up into one wrinkly package).
And so, today, when people break up with someone due to the fact that they’re just not feeling it anymore — brutal honesty seems to be the policy being utilized. It’s not me, it’s you… It’s the new, honest, blunt way of ending things on a not-so-positive note.
But I figure, as I often figure (without any mathematical equations whatsoever), that if you’re going to be honest about breaking up with someone, be a little more creative. Instead of “It’s not me, it’s you” why not try some of these other (brand-new) alternative cutting edge one-liners, which are sure to get you out of a smothering situation ASAP while still making reference to the phrase that started it all:
“It wasn’t you at first, but now all it IS, is you.”
“It’s not you, it’s the other you…the one who only comes out when the dark times come.”
“It’s not me and it’s not you. It’s her.”
“I just suddenly woke up one day and realized that YOU…freak ME out.”
“You, me…whatever. Isn’t the most important thing that we get as far away from each other as quickly as we possibly can?”
“Look, you know I’ve always disliked you.”
“This is me telling you, that, well… Me doesn’t like you no more.”
“There’s no ME in YOU. In fact, there’s no YOU in ME, either. But there is a YO in YOU. And OY…that’s in YOU, too. And do you remember those old battery commercials with the Australian guy who used to yell “OY!”? Yeah, that was awesome.”
These are just some of the “better alternatives” to “It’s not me, it’s you”. They are far more honest, far more communicative and far more entertaining than switching up the trademark phrase used throughout the last century. For if you are going to break up with me, the least you can do is be completely honest while being as complicated in your wordage as you can possibly be.
Romance IS confusion. And confusion IS romance. Isn’t it time the two meet somewhere in the middle?
(That last line made no sense, and I love myself for it.)