Today’s Thoughts on ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’

It’s not me…it’s you.

I don’t know what’s happened out there in society, but when did the trademark breakup phrase “It’s not you, it’s me” suddenly become the much more accusatory “It’s not me, it’s you”?

The original phrase used to work wonders in breaking up with someone you were dating, keeping one from having to list all the other person’s faults and hurting them at the same time — by just admitting (although it was a lie) that the reason for the break-up was out of the breakee’s hands since it was all due to the breaker-upper’s own issues.

But today? Things have substantially changed.

Now that we’re in the me me me me me era of society where people are more concerned with how others refer to them, write about them, blog about them and talk about them — no one wants to be the person whose fault it was that a relationship broke up. For if twelve relationships break up and it’s YOU, not THEM — that kinda stuff is gonna get around quicklike. Then, before long, society will mark you as a troublemaker and a constant problem in the world of romance.

Before long, such actions will cause your online dating profile to be blacklisted forever by that eHarmony guy (who is, in my opinion, a combination of Joseph McCarthy, Hitler and Captain Kangaroo all rolled up into one wrinkly package).

And so, today, when people break up with someone due to the fact that they’re just not feeling it anymore — brutal honesty seems to be the policy being utilized. It’s not me, it’s you… It’s the new, honest, blunt way of ending things on a not-so-positive note.

But I figure, as I often figure (without any mathematical equations whatsoever), that if you’re going to be honest about breaking up with someone, be a little more creative. Instead of “It’s not me, it’s you” why not try some of these other (brand-new) alternative cutting edge one-liners, which are sure to get you out of a smothering situation ASAP while still making reference to the phrase that started it all:

“It wasn’t you at first, but now all it IS, is you.”

“It’s not you, it’s the other you…the one who only comes out when the dark times come.”

“It’s not me and it’s not you. It’s her.”

“I just suddenly woke up one day and realized that YOU…freak ME out.”

“You, me…whatever. Isn’t the most important thing that we get as far away from each other as quickly as we possibly can?”

“Look, you know I’ve always disliked you.”

“Look, YOU.”

“This is me telling you, that, well… Me doesn’t like you no more.”

“There’s no ME in YOU. In fact, there’s no YOU in ME, either. But there is a YO in YOU. And OY…that’s in YOU, too. And do you remember those old battery commercials with the Australian guy who used to yell “OY!”? Yeah, that was awesome.”

These are just some of the “better alternatives” to “It’s not me, it’s you”. They are far more honest, far more communicative and far more entertaining than switching up the trademark phrase used throughout the last century. For if you are going to break up with me, the least you can do is be completely honest while being as complicated in your wordage as you can possibly be.

Romance IS confusion. And confusion IS romance. Isn’t it time the two meet somewhere in the middle?

(That last line made no sense, and I love myself for it.)

24 comments on “Today’s Thoughts on ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’

  1. Alissa - November 3, 2005 at 10:08 am -

    I once broke up with a guy because he was well… completely racist with an anger management problem. It got to the point that I didn’t even want to speak to him because he made me so angry. So when I told him “it wasn’t working” he of course went off on an angry rant and told me our problem was that we don’t communicate, we just don’t talk anymore. To which I replied “Yeah, exactly, because you are Satan!”

    Love the brutal honesty thing.

  2. Kristi - November 3, 2005 at 10:11 am -

    “It’s not so much YOU as it is all the little idiosyncrasies and characteristics combining to make you uniquely YOU. And that you annoys the shit out of me.”

  3. Keith - November 3, 2005 at 10:18 am -

    On a tangentially related topic… I once saw a personal ad by a black woman who wanted to date a Jewish guy. It was titled “Yo Wants Oy.”

  4. Meg - November 3, 2005 at 10:20 am -

    Pauly, did you mean something like confomance or romusion? Because dude, new words are cool.

  5. kingbenny - November 3, 2005 at 10:26 am -

    I love this post.

    “It initially might have been ME, but it became YOU when YOU drove YOUR convertible over MY cat. Twice.”

  6. C(h)ristine - November 3, 2005 at 10:37 am -

    I just had hilarious flashbacks to my dating days!

  7. Pauly D - November 3, 2005 at 10:38 am -

    Do share, C(h). Do share.

  8. Amber - November 3, 2005 at 10:50 am -

    Are you breaking up with me?

  9. Pauly D - November 3, 2005 at 10:52 am -

    Amber…

    It’s not you. It’s your comments.

  10. sarah - November 3, 2005 at 10:59 am -

    I once used the line “i cant date you bc of your rancid B.O.” which to my defense we started dating in the winter, and by late spring i realized #1 he stunk and #2 saying you dont wear deoderant because you are allergic to deoderant is a crock of shit.

    I also broke up with someone because he cried….a lot. Teenaged girl crying….but thats another story.

  11. annabel lee - November 3, 2005 at 11:17 am -

    “It’s not you…it’s your really hot friend.”

    or

    “It’s not me…it’s the voices in my head. Which are telling me that it’s not me, it’s you.”

  12. monkeyinabox - November 3, 2005 at 11:50 am -

    About time someone did more than watched VH1’s I Love the 80’s, they brought it back full circle with this post. That someone is YOU Pauly D! Why did Corey Hart wear his Sunglasses At Night? Was it him or was it someone else, or was it YOU? You made him wear his sunglasses at night.

  13. ms. sizzle - November 3, 2005 at 1:16 pm -

    the one that really gets me is when people say, “it’s not personal.”

    um, excuse me? how can it NOT be personal?!

    i tend to blame myself in all break ups. it’s me! i am neurotic. i am a mess. you don’t want to date me. i am doing you a favor.

    does reverse psych really work? hmmm.

  14. AJ - November 3, 2005 at 1:30 pm -

    I’m going to use: “It’s not you, it’s Pauly.”

  15. justin - November 3, 2005 at 1:35 pm -

    How about, “It’s not you, it’s Yoo-hoo! It tastes great and doesn’t talk back.”

  16. Amy - November 3, 2005 at 4:01 pm -

    I once broke up with a guy because I didn’t like his teeth. He had poor oral hygeine and I just couldn’t take it. I used that, “It’s not you; it’s me,” line on him.

    I sometimes wonder if he ever brushed his teeth after I left…

  17. Jacquie - November 3, 2005 at 8:13 pm -

    “There’s no ME in YOU. In fact, there’s no YOU in ME, either. But there is a YO in YOU. And OY…that’s in YOU, too. And do you remember those old battery commercials with the Australian guy who used to yell “OY!”? Yeah, that was awesome.”

    That’s my favorite one because while they are scratching their brain in utter confusion, you can make your escape!

  18. Pauly D - November 3, 2005 at 9:27 pm -

    Justin – I think the Yoo Hoo thing is a little played out. Maybe you could go with “Yuri” instead of “Yoo Hoo.”

    AJ – I would be honored to be the one to blame.

    Jacquie – You’ve been watching The Great Escape with Steve McQueen, haven’t you? Did you know that WFME friend Dylan is great at escaping things, especially his oft-mistake laden Pamchenko Twist?

  19. Dina - November 3, 2005 at 9:46 pm -

    Oh, Amy, yeah I know him, too. He kissed me and I thought about gingivitis and plague and scurvy. Three things I had always thought would be as far if not farther than puss encrusted scabs from my mind while kissing.

  20. Adri - November 4, 2005 at 12:37 am -

    Oh. My. God.

    I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to kiss again. *retch*

  21. Dylan - November 4, 2005 at 1:39 am -

    One of these days, Pauly… Pow! Right in the Kissa!

  22. sharon - November 4, 2005 at 7:08 am -

    Dating sux. 98% of it (2% being sex and romance) but whatever. I’ve decided not to blame the other party, even if he is 2 inches shorter than me. I just say, its me, its my fault, i’m selfish…go on and on about faults (that I dont have) and make the person not want to date me.

  23. JP - November 4, 2005 at 9:46 am -

    Well, I would still prefer the more kind, albeit untruthful, line. For those men that are looking for a way out its simple, “I’m gay”. For women “I think you’re gay”. Whether it’s true or not it’ll start such a ruckus a breakup is inevitable.

  24. patricia - November 5, 2005 at 5:43 pm -

    I don’t need these suggestions right now but I’m so going to print them out and carry them around in my wallet. I just hope that, when the time comes, I say it first.

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