Seth Green Doesn’t Like To Be Seen At Rite-Aid

Apparently, Seth Green thinks being seen at the Rite-Aid Pharmacy, is a bad thing.

You’d think that if celebrities didn’t have a problem being seen at Starbucks and The Coffee Bean and Ralph’s Supermarket and Hugo’s restaurant and the Arclight Cinemas and The Soup Plantation and my favorite French restaurant and the dog park and the patio furniture store and 24 Hour Fitness, that being seen at my favorite local drug store wouldn’t be a problem either.

Well, for Seth Green…apparently it is.

The Sidewalk Protectorate Factor

Let me throw out a “what if” scenario.

Let’s assume some guy was dating some girl. Let’s assume that they were walking down a busy street on a sidewalk. Let’s assume that the guy was walking on the street side while the girl was walking on the side further away from the street. Let’s assume a car came out of nowhere and smashed into both of them, killing them instantly. The fact that the guy was walking on the street side would have added no additional protection in the least.

Yet strangely, there’s a group of people out there who will always insist that it is necessary (if you care about them) to walk on the street side of the sidewalk in an attempt to keep them safe from the ambiguous dangers of the ‘crete. (Concrete, that is.)

If I Was Going To Break Out of Prison

If I was going to break out of prison, I would have to be there in the first place.

How I got there would obviously involve a story I wouldn’t like to tell often because it would have involved a shotgun loaded with blanks, twelve Capri-Sun drink pouches, a rotten zucchini, three musical dwarfs, a local bank and a family size bucket of Popeye’s chicken — and would you believe I was totally innocent despite what the jury decided?

Guilty, they had said — then deposited me into a jail where I would now be. And due to my milky-white, smooth-skinned coconut-smelling self being behind bars… I would have to get outta there as quickly as I possibly could.

Lotion, Shampoo, Hair-Gel or Food?

Lotion, shampoo, hair-gel or food?

That is the question that plagues me on a daily basis as I enter my bathroom and get myself ready for the world. That is the question that I am obsessed with asking when I smell that which makes my stomach rumble. That is the question that fills my head as I smell my beloved coconut and my hunger takes hold.

Yet what I should be asking myself first, before jumping off the ingestion-bandwagon is… Is what I’m smelling lotion or shampoo or hair-gel or food?

Think About It

Just take a moment and think about it.

It shouldn’t matter that you have no idea what I’m asking you to think about, nor should it matter that even if you were to think about something in an attempt to do what I’m asking you do to — you’d still be clueless about what exactly you should be thinking about.

Just think about it, okay?

Find a nice quiet place, on the corner of a nice comfortable couch, and pull up a nice squishy foot stool and put your nice warm, sock-enclosed feet on the top of said squishy foot stool next to that couch in that quiet place and just start thinking about it. If you could put your chin in one of your hands as if to illustrate the fact that you’re thinking about it, that would convince me that you were indeed thinking about it — which would make me pleased.