“Hi. I’m in Skokie.”
If I was in Skokie, Illinois, I would walk around the city streets all day long saying this wonderful little phrase to people. Of course, most of the people I’d say “Hi, I’m in Skokie” to would probably shoot back in their trademark awesome Skokie accent something to the effect of, “Yeah, I’m in Skokie too.” Of course, when it got old telling people IN Skokie that I was also IN Skokie, I would pick up the cell phone and call my friends outside of Skokie and let them know just exactly where I was.
I might also ask them if they knew that on Halloween, in Skokie, trick or treating hours are only from 3 to 7 pm.
Being in Skokie, of course, would never have the kind of exciting ring to it like being in Hawaii or being in Paris. And because of that, if I was to rattle the buzz-machine across the country by my being in Skokie, I would have to make Skokie sound like it was more exciting than those other high-watermark cities of culture. I would probably start out by reminding people that Skokie isn’t “a city” and it isn’t “a town” — it is a village.
If I were in Skokie this very minute I would probably change the title of this post to something like “I Am In Skokie, Illinois” instead of the current “If I Were In Skokie, Illinois” — which technically only represents a difference of removing the word “If”, using the “I” and then adding the “Am” after the “I” and voila, new title. If I had just been informed that the town of Skokie prefers to be referred to as a village, and I was told this by a passionate local, I may actually have titled this post something like, “I Am In The Village of Skokie, Illinois” which would represent adding a bunch more letters which in the long run would have an almost imperceptible effect on my carpal-tunnel syndrome — and so I would happily add the extra letters to make sure my newfound friends in Skokie felt that what I was writing was as accurate to the reality of Skokie as possible.
Did you know that you need a permit to have a garage sale in the wonderful village of Skokie?
If I were in Skokie right this minute and I wasn’t just a visitor but I had rented out a house or apartment of some kind right nearby Skokie Boulevard and the Evanston Golf Club — you’d better believe this entire post would probably be me complaining about needing a permit to have a garage sale. I mean, please. I get that everyone in the village of Skokie likes to treat things in the most organized of ways, but garage sale permits? I would head right down to Downtown Skokie off of Oakton Street and find those responsible for making such laws a reality and then give them a piece of my mind…
That is, if I was in Skokie, Illinois.
Sometimes when it’s late at night and the questions run so deep for such a simple man as myself, I go to the window at the edge of my bedroom and I look up into the night sky. Usually I can’t see stars or anything because I live in Los Angeles where the smog has pretty much blanketed the sky in a nice grey hue that blocks out the majesty of the Universe… But what I do see is the potential of a clear night sky in the village of Skokie and I can often be heard, just murmuring in a low whispery voice something that’s awfully reminiscent of the Jodie Foster whispery lull-voice she used in Nell wherest I find myself saying over and over again something like, “If I Was in Skokie, Illinois…” over and over again.
Some people consider Hawaii a paradise. Others consider Paris the artistic wonder of the world. But why does Skokie always get left out in the cold? Just because the Southeast Industrial Area is less paradise and more parking lot… And just because the North Shore Center for the Performing Arts in Skokie is more “Artie” (who is a ticket taker) than “Artistic” is no reason to shove it aside like a half-eaten chicken McNugget.
Skokie is a village just like most villages are villages and I’m here to support the villageness it has. That is, I would…if I was in Skokie, Illinois.
“Hi. I’m in Skokie.”
I suspect it would get tiring saying that day in and day out to the people of Skokie and my friends via cell phone, and the postcard thing (where I would write “Hi, I’m in Skokie”) would also get tiresome if not simply for the fact that it’s really hard to get stamps specifically manufactured for postcards cause the Post Office is always out of them… But despite that fact, I think that being in Skokie would provide me with a life that, here in Los Angeles, I can only hope to have.
A life filled with fantasy, wonder and the Skokie Northshore Sculpture Park — free of charge for you and your entire family.
If only I was in Skokie.