It appears as if someone owes George Clooney some money.
Let’s face it — George Clooney doesn’t act because he likes to gain weight and get his ass kicked (which eventually causes years of chronic pain and suffering) nor does he enjoy getting into a latex bat suit and having the horrific memory follow him throughout his career. Clooney is in it for the money, and that’s why WFME found it so strange to find out there’s money out there that he just hasn’t scooped up.
Thanks to Kevin, who directed us to the California State Controller’s Office we were able to determine that Clooney is owed a great deal of money ($180) from Warner Bros. for something he did for them in the past. But just what “thing” could that be and why Clooney would leave such cold hard cash in the coffer is the mystery at hand.
Here at WFME, we’d like to suggest that the $180 is for:
One forteenth of a second of acting on E.R.
Total profits (so far) from Batman & Robin.
Gum money reimbursement.
“Hello Fee” which involves forced saying of hello to executives.
Upon further investigation, however, WFME also found that in addition to the $180 owed to Clooney by Warner Bros. Studios, there was also a court settlement in the amount of $31.02 due to Clooney as well. In fact, it seems as if Clooney has left money all over town in a variety of LA based burroughs, in an attempt to bury a seemingly dark secret that we are about to reveal for you and which can be identified by the bold AND italics you are about to see:
Rich movie stars don’t need money.
Yes, you heard it here first.
And while I can sit here and tell you about the 165 tacos I would buy with Clooney’s “lost money” or the 30 Blockbuster Video rentals I would purchase with this misplaced cash — it seems as if Mr. Clooney himself has no need for money nor does he care to recover it now, or at any point in the near future. It seems, that yes, a guy who used to be best known as the dorky guy on The Facts of Life who caused the show to “jump the shark” — well, he can’t be bothered by the kind of chump change currently languishing in the state of California.
As for why people like Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, Tom Cruise and Leah Remini have zero dollars languishing anywhere, that’s more a question for Scientologists than the State of California…if you know what I mean.