Words for My Enjoyment

Words For Your Enjoyment: Games People Play

September 23rd, 2005

If a man got up at 9AM and got onto a bus that pulled up right outside his apartment in or around New York, NY and it was traveling at approximately 43 mph and at THE SAME TIME a man got up at 6AM and got onto a bus that pulled up right outside HIS house in or around Los Angeles, CA and it was traveling at approximately 42 mph — and both buses were heading towards the opposite city (NY to LA, LA to NY)… On which day of the week would both buses cross each other’s paths if they had left their originating cities at the previously mentioned time on the previous Monday of the work week?

And while you’re trying to figure out the answer to that word game, let me tell you that such games got me to thinking that how great would it be if today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” had something to do with games?

And then low and behold I got a great submission (and box of cookies and a hooded sweatshirt with the word “SOY BEAN” ironed on the back of it) from WFME All-Star Kathleen who wrote:

“Is my relationship bound for failure if I can’t play leap frog with my boyfriend? I’m 5′4 and he’s 6′6. Discuss.”

Games and dating. Aaah. (FYI, that Aaah sound is the kind of sound you make after observing something interesting, not taking a thirsty drink out of a can of soda or scented-water.)

Sure, there are games IN dating — the kind that guide you in when to call someone after a date, how many days a week to see said person, when to introduce them to your family, your friends, et al. There are games that denote just when you should say those very important THREE WORDS (“I’m Feeling Smothered”) and at what point you give up the key to your parking garage, the key to your place and the key to your heart.

But I’m not talking about those games.

Just like Kathleen suggests - dating almost always puts two people into a situation where they end up playing games that they never thought would shape their relationship. And sure, while leap frog might cause issues due to height coefficients and limberness (as does Twister and other unnamed physical activities) — it’s the way two people go about playing BOARD GAMES that really can make or break a relationship.

Take Monopoly. The game of Monopoly will peel back layer after layer of the personality behind the person you’re dating. Do they have the stamina to play a game that might last four hours? (Then they’re patient and they’ll wait for your sorry ass to decide where you think the relationship can go.) Do they hoard their money and don’t buy houses on every friggin crappy real estate purchase? (Frugal, good.) Are they more obsessed with passing go and collecting $200 than landing on the Railroads? Are they giddy every time you have to give them money? (Hide your credit cards.) Do they have to be the CAR or the GUY ON THE HORSE? (Very unflexible.)

Or what about PICTIONARY? The game of PICTIONARY challenges players to sketch drawings that represent a certain phrase (”Baby Fish Mouth”) while the others must guess the phrase from the artistic drawing before them. Does the person you’re dating have zero artistic abilities whatsoever? (You’ll never have to worry about them taking an art class, sketching nude models or falling for a foreigner with a great accent.) Upon glancing the card that denotes what they’re supposed to be drawing do they say something like “Oh boy this is a hard one” or “There is NO WAY”? (Not so confident, a little self-conscious and they’re going to need a lot of coddling and support to go after their dreams.) When challenged to draw a picture in order to get you to guess the phrase “happy” do they instead draw a picture of someone getting run over by a huge eighteen wheeler? (Morose, with a dark side worth examining.)

And there’s always Battleship — the game where two players must repeatedly shout out coordinates (B4! E9!) in order to hit and sink the others’ battleships. Does your current girlfriend guess in sequential order, going from A1 to A2 to A3 to A4 to A5 and so on? (She’s stupid.) Does the guy you’re dating repeatedly shout “I’ve sunk your Battleship!” only when he’s just gotten ONE HIT? (He’s not going to be fun at family holiday events where he will always want to be the center of attention.) Does the potential love of your life put every ship right next to each other in one area on one side of the board, in a risky and somewhat ill-planned out strategy? (This person is going to cycle through a variety of hair-brained entrepreneurial schemes that will, most likely, all fail.)

From Candyland to Connect Four… From Twister to Hungry Hungry Hippos… From Risk to Clue. Every single game you play can tell you more about the person you THINK you want to spend the rest of your life with than any date, social engagement or sexual interlude will ever tell you.

The way they place their hands and feet on the colored circles of Twister will give you great insight into how they handle pregnancy. The fashion in which they drop black and red game pieces into the Connect Four game will allude to how they will drop the ball in numerous situations. Hungry Hungry Hippos and eating disorders… Candyland and drug addiction. Clue and murder, Risk and risk.

So when someone like Kathleen asks, “Is my relationship bound for failure if I can’t play leap frog with my boyfriend?” the question isn’t whether or not your relationship is bound for failure based on playing leap frog — it’s how said boyfriend leaps over you. Does he consistently smash his huge sneakers into your head as he tries to jump over you? Does he press too hard on your back as he sails over your body? Is he abusive? Well, it may simply be foreshadowing for that late night when you have to call the police and file a restraining order.

But if he’s careful and cautious as he floats over you — thoughtful enough to not really even leap over you but to fake the leaping just so he doesn’t scratch your face with his belt buckle… If he’d rather let you leap over him than him leap over you… Well, he’s a keeper. He’s going to be the father to your children, Kathleen. The ying to your yang.

The leap to your lept.

Posted under Dating, Games, WFYE. |