Today’s Prognosis on Thank You Notes
September 15th, 2005
Thank you notes have outlived their usefulness.
How many times have you arrived home to check your mail and found a tiny little envelope with a handwritten address on it hidden among the coupon inserts and bills? You know what that little envelope is, you think to yourself. You know that the text hand-written on the inside already says:
Dear So-and-So: I just wanted to write you a note to thank you for the wonderful and generous gift you sent me. It was really so great and wonderful. I just wanted you to know how much I love it. Thank you so much for the gift. It’s lovely. Love, So-and-So.
Then what do you do with this lovely thank you note? You leave it on your mail table or the kitchen counter for a day before you throw it out. Into the garbage. FIN. Or you use it to pick food out of your teeth or scratch your back or you tape it on your kids bicycle tire so it can make that cool “flappaflappaflappa” sound while he’s practicing jumps out on the sidewalk.
Here’s the thing: isn’t it much more meaningful for someone to pick up the phone and call you and tell you that they got the gift you sent them and they love it? What does the scribbling of typical thank you text on a small card, accompanied by the sticking of a stamp on the outside and mailing to your house actually do for you, personally? Is it any more meaningful than a call?
Sure, some of you will say that YES it is more meaningful because someone took the time to write a short note, look up your address and drop it in the mail. But I say that it’s because they don’t want to get stuck on the phone with you for hours and then have to pay for the phone bill. You may say that the act of writing a thank you note requires thinking about what to write which communicates a caring and thoughtful attitude. But I say that they write the same damn thing on every thank you note and just fill in the blanks where necessary. It’s the same note every time except the name of the gift you gave them, your name, and one personal item that makes the reader sure that this wasn’t printed out on a printing-press.
For example, they thank you and say they love the gift and it was just what they wanted and then before signing the damn thing they’ll throw in something like this:
Hope your back is feeling better!
Can’t wait to go fishing with you again like in ‘93!
Hope those magic tricks are coming along nicely!
Say hey to my little friend!
Remember the Alamo!
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!
Hope your goldfish’s ick is cured.
And so on.
There are people who write thank you notes and people who don’t write thank you notes and the people who don’t write thank you notes have been brainwashed that they are bad people when in reality, they are the ones who put more time and effort into giving the gift-giver a call to verbally thank them for the present in question. Thank you note writers live in a world where they prefer no verbal communication — and where small tiny envelopes with scented backflaps and melted wax seem to make them think that their responsibility to thank someone can be accomplished with a 3 minute process.
I say, NAY.
I say that the prognosis on thank you notes is totally not good because thank you notes are an outdated concept that is hanging on for its dear life from the 1600’s. I say that the prognosis on thank you notes is way bad because all of us think the same thing when we get thank you notes — oh, great, another thank you note. I say that the prognosis on thank you notes is so not good because a majority of the public, upon handling a thank you note in their pile of mail, get the same let-down feeling we all get in seeing a personalized letter that we know, upon opening it, won’t really be personal at all.
I think you know where I’m coming from, and I think you want to join me.
Thank you!
Comment by meme — September 15, 2005 @ 8:56 am
I don’t do thank-you notes. I either send a thoughtful email, comment on their website ( for example, thank you for the wonderful evening, the sex was great, but you really should change the curtains, it makes the whole house seem like it was made in the 1940s ), or heck, most of the time I don’t send thank you notes. I think this mostly comes to the point that most people don’t send me things in the postal mail, so I can’t thank them. But when I do, I call them up and thank them personally. That’s the key, do it personally. Don’t let Mr. Delivery Man or Mr. Mailbox get all action, take pride in the fact that you are a respectable person and pick up the phone, or better yet arrange to treat them to lunch.
Of course, if you’re not trying to be sincere, a storebought “Thank You” card, with “Thanks for Nothing” will do (for the “mother-in-law” type of people).
=) great entry Paul!
Comment by Daniel Nicolas — September 15, 2005 @ 9:12 am
My thank you note for raising this issue is on its way through the USPS to you right now.
Comment by Keith — September 15, 2005 @ 9:18 am
actually pauly, i don’t 100% agree with you. on the one hand, yes, most thank you notes are trite and full of perfunctory statements like, “i loved the crocheted shawl! thanks!!” i hate nice-ities for the sake of decorum. but on the other hand, the occasional note arrives with heartfelt sentiments on a cute card that you might want to tuck away in your keepsakes box.
i’m old fashioned in the sense that i love handwritten mail and i keep most of it. obviously, you have never received a card from me. if you did, you might just change your tune. ask my friends- i give good card.
i think we live in a day and age where people don’t pick up the phone but rather send an email that is easily deleted. and half the time the crap they put in a card is false, so they don’t want to pick up the phone or else you might catch onto the fact that they are full of shit.
Comment by ms. sizzle — September 15, 2005 @ 9:24 am
Thank you notes are for suckers!
Comment by Dave — September 15, 2005 @ 9:49 am
I must say, I prefer getting any piece of mail that’s not a bill or a catalogue to getting a phone call. Almost any phone call. If Gena Rowlands or some other idol of mine is calling, I’m into it! But 9 out of 10 times, when the phone rings, I’m like, DAMN. Even if I love the caller.
I’m phone grinchy.
And I even loved getting the rsvp cards for my wedding, and those didn’t even have a perfunctory little statement on them! They were just checked boxes! But they came in an ENVELOPE WITH MY NAME HANDWRITTEN ON IT.
Comment by Tina — September 15, 2005 @ 10:07 am
The most god-awful thing that I have to do now is send thank-you notes after I go on an interview. The worse the interview, the more important I rush out a “thank you” note thanking the guy for the “wonderful meeting,” even though during my last interview, the producer spent more time knocking golf balls into this mini office golf course that he had set up right in the middle of his office (true!) — rather than listen to me talk about my “qualifications.”
Comment by Neil — September 15, 2005 @ 11:23 am
Isn’t it also annoying when people send/give Christmas cards at say, the office, that just have your name (misspelled) on the envelope and their name signed on the inside?
I hate it when that happens.
Comment by C Ro — September 15, 2005 @ 11:31 am
you leave it on the counter for a day or two?
wow, I throw it away immediately after reading it. hell, sometimes I don’t even read it at all.
of course, I’m just an evil person like that.
Comment by Dawn (webmiztris) — September 15, 2005 @ 11:42 am
You’re not evil, Dawn. I don’t know who told you that you were evil but you shouldn’t believe them when they call you that. Instead, you should use your magic potions and special voodoo wand of death to inflict them with the most painful disease ever.
But evil? Naaah.
Comment by Pauly D — September 15, 2005 @ 12:11 pm
Paul, I normally agree with you, so much that I don’t even bother to comment, because I’d just be repeating everything you’ve said…
But I’m with Tina on this one- getting mail is awesome, no matter what it is. Email, too. I’d rather get the clap than a stinkin’ phone call. No thank you…
Comment by Eve — September 15, 2005 @ 12:27 pm
I hate them because I am terrible at sending them, so every time I receive one it reminds me of all the people I haven’t thanked “properly” who probably hate me now.
I also hate them because I feel like I should send a note to thank them for their kind and thoughtful thank you note.
Comment by EverydaySuperGoddess — September 15, 2005 @ 1:54 pm
After reading this by way of fauxy.blogs, I received the NYTimes Circuits newsletter with this article… http://tech.nytimes.com/2005/09/15/fashion/thursda...
and thought it fit. Was going to email the article directly to Wsub4, but figured this was more polite.
Comment by Stevievep — September 15, 2005 @ 2:22 pm
What about us people who will actually hand make a thank you note with all that fancy paper, dried flowers and ribbon and stuff? I happen to be one of those out-of-date sentimental people who love getting cards, notes and letters and I keep them forever.
Comment by groovebunny — September 15, 2005 @ 3:17 pm
Dear Mr. Davidson, our General Counsel has reviewed your written blog entry entitled “Today’s Prognosis on Thank You Notes” and has determined that a lawsuit against you by our company is imminent as you have singlehandedly wiped out our entire thank-you division. If not for our Snoopy birthday cards, we would have to file for banktruptcy. We shall see you in court.
Sincerely,
J.H. Wiggley
Hallmark President
“We care to send the very best”
Comment by Mark Treitel — September 15, 2005 @ 4:36 pm
Here, here! Har, har!
Comment by Will — September 15, 2005 @ 5:28 pm
I am a die hard believer in thank you notes! I am probably one of the only people I know who still writes handwritten thank you notes (not the same as emails). In addition to a phone call, if I feel especially touched by the gift/gesture.
Then again, I am also a die hard believer in handwritten Holiday cards! I keep sending them out year after year…the responses are dwindling, but I.Believe!
Comment by C(h)ristine — September 15, 2005 @ 7:57 pm
ok, mister i wrote a book and i am a superior writer…please tell me you were drunk when you wrote this sentence…
“I say that the prognosis on thank you notes is way bad because all of us think the same thing when we get thank you notes…”
way bad??? pauly, please…
Comment by jenny — September 15, 2005 @ 8:07 pm
I don’t do thank you notes. I’m a pariah. I’ve tried, but they’ve never made it to the mailbox.
I’d much rather thank someone in person, even if my mother still hounds me about writing a thank you note.
I’m with you on this one, Pauly.
Comment by Amy — September 15, 2005 @ 8:23 pm
I agree that a card sent solely out of societal courtesy is pointless - But it also sounds like you get your thank you notes from people who aren’t that thankful about you. I’d say that any form of thanks — or any kind of communication for that matter — whether delivered via snail mail, email, or phone, is rubbish if there’s no emotional meaning behind it. I throw away most cards and delete most emails too, and some calls I get, I have to say are really a waste of my time. But meaningful sentiments expressed in a form I can touch and feel, I’ll keep.
Comment by green LA girl — September 15, 2005 @ 10:03 pm
do they have Thank You Post-Its?
Comment by The Moviequill — September 16, 2005 @ 7:53 am
Ok, Jenny I like to take conversational dialogue in the guise of a comment and slather criticism…
“I say” is a British phrase, a metaphor for culture.
“is way bad” is an inside joke with Valleyites
The rest is self-explanatory.
Comment by Pauly D — September 16, 2005 @ 7:53 am
I love sending and getting real letters and cards.
Open the mail box and amoung the bills and junk mail an envelope with handwriting or a return address I recongnize right away.
E-mail is great and I use it a lot… maybe too much. It makes sending and receiving letters even more special.
Then again, I’m kinda a geek like that.
Comment by anonymous city girl — September 17, 2005 @ 7:04 am
Dear Paul,
Thankyou for the prognosis on the Thankyou card. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I have a huge list of thank yous to send. Thankyou for having us over for dinner, thankyou for the gift, thankyou for telling me I had toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe the other day…. it’s crazy. I hate writing TY cards because I know when I write them, they are indeed missing that personal touch, and yet, I still write them. They are an old fashioned idea indeed.
You failed to note here that TY cards are also a work of THE MAN (not unlike bread bowls.) Think of all the money THE MAN is making from all those TY cards we purchase (not to mention, Halloween cards, Columbus Day cards, Groundhog day cards, etc…). Wedding, Graduation and Anniversary cards are way overrated too. Nobody reads what you have to write. It’s basically just a package to hold the check or cash gift.
How do we get the word out about TY cards though so that we don’t have to send them without feeling like we are bad.
We need to start a campaign to make people that believe in TY cards realize that they have the problem. Not us.
What do you suggest.
Thankyou again for this great post. I really liked it. It was great. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Jax
Comment by Jacquie — March 8, 2006 @ 10:03 am
I recently got married, and am in the process of writing thank you notes. I’m making sure that each one is personal - obviously thanking the person for the gift, adding a personal message, and if they traveled far for the wedding, adding that as well.
Also, certain generations expect thank you notes — like my 96 year old great aunts.
Comment by Michelle — March 27, 2006 @ 12:46 pm
But .. how about people (read: my in-laws) who don’t acknowledge a gift in ANY way … email (which they don’t use), paper (which they “don’t do”), or verbally/by phone (”we forgot”). I think that’s just rude as can be!!!
Comment by Ela — February 23, 2007 @ 7:53 am