Words for My Enjoyment

Yes, You Have to Pay For Parking

September 1st, 2005

Yes, you have to pay for parking.

When you drove into the parking garage in the first place, I’m sure you saw the sign that said “First 2 Hours Free, $1.00 each additional 20 minutes thereafter”. I’m sure that even if you didn’t see the sign that said that, you’re aware that when you take a ticket from a machine and the little arm raises and you’re allowed to drive your car into the massive stone structure, that paying something to someone may very well (possibly, maybe) be a part of a future you cannot escape, even with The Terminator on your side.

Yes. You have to pay for parking.

Don’t you wonder, while you walk around the shopping center’s shops and in and around the restaurants and you buy things and people ask if you want your ticket validated — that it has something to do with the fact that, sometime in your near future, you will be asked to pay for something relating to your car, a space in a big massive stone structure, and/or the amount of time you’ve visited such a place?

YES. You have to pay for parking.

There is a line of cars in front of you for a reason. Doesn’t seeing other drivers roll down their window, allowing their hand to protrude while holding something green and silver in their hands, and observing said person in the glass box (with the power over the almighty raising and lowering arm) take such things FROM their hands means something very specific that may somehow, very soon, be related to you?

Yup. You. Parking. Payment.

Yet when you arrive at the very special mini-house containing the very special mini-person controlling the very special mini-arm — you balk at what has just occurred. It seems that after spending four hours at this very special place, you are being asked to PAY FOR PARKING. What!? No. NO. Wait a second. Turn around and look at the other cars. Huff. Sigh. Look around some more. Say something like, “What are you talking about!? This is insanity. I saw no such sign! I shop here all the time and this never happens!! You guys are criminals!! I have an ulcer and can’t handle such stress! No, that’s not a mole on my forehead…”

Uh, sir? Madam? You have to pay for parking.

You will try your no-parking jedi mind tricks. You will say things like, “This isn’t the parking ticket you’re looking to charge.” You will insist that you do not have any small bills. Or a checkbook. Or change. Or your sanity. You may even suggest that you have multiple-personality disorder and the personality who drove the car INTO the establishment isn’t the one currently driving it OUT. So, you know, you’re not responsible.

But when push comes to shove… You gotta pay.

Stall. Take your time. Complain. Eventually, all of us (behind you) will get frustrated enough to offer to PAY THE DAMN TWO DOLLARS for you. We will get out of our cars and come up to yours and offer such things. But you will look at us as if we’re insulting you. “I am not poor,” you will say. “This is about principal. Not poverty.”

This is about paying. Which you should be doing. RIGHT NOW.

Eventually, you will win this battle, however. Because when all you have to offer up is a ONE THOUSAND DOLLAR BILL — the booth will not have the change. The booth will not be able to get a hold of the manager. The booth will eventually have to let you go without paying ONE STINKING DIME because of your high-class, big money, multiple-personality non-paying parking driver self.

No, maybe you don’t have to pay for parking.

But you will pay in HELL instead.

Posted under Cars, You. |