Today’s Prognosis on Car Wash Greeting Card Buying
August 24th, 2005
People must have a lot of time on their hands at the car wash.
Personally, when I drop off my car at the car wash there is a quick procedure that I always follow. I hand them the keys, I walk down the long hall, pass by the infamous greeting card hallway and stand in line to pay for my car. That’s it. Then I wait outside and grab my vehicle.
Lately though, it seems that every single card I get from someone has been purchased at the car wash — and the purchaser is more than happy to share this fact with you.
Look. If you got me a card at the car wash, I don’t want to know about it. I don’t want to know about the process behind you finding “the perfect card” at the car wash for my birthday. I don’t want to know about the “card that made you cry” while picking up an air freshener for your automobile. If you tell me you got me a card at the car wash it means one of three things:
- It’s my birthday today, and you forgot.
- You are procrastinating about my special event.
- Getting you car washed is as important if not more important than me.
It’s the equivalent of me being on my deathbed and you going out to fill up your car with gas and while you’re picking up a Powerbar and a Snapple, also picking up some medicine from behind the bulletproof counter in the gas station kiosk. It’s the same as you picking up an incomplete setting of someone’s china for their wedding…at a garage sale. It’s like cleaning out your garage the day of someone’s house warming party, finding an unopened candle, and re-gifting it to them that evening.
Buying a card for any occasion at the car wash is bad enough, but telling someone you got their card at a car wash is even worse. What you hope to gain from telling someone that you “found the perfect card with the perfect message about their brand new job promotion” while people get soaking wet for minimum wage behind you is not necessarily endearing. What your reason for telling your significant other that “this card just spoke to me” while “YMCA” plays over loudspeakers in the background as children scream for ice cream sandwiches…doesn’t really set the mood. Presenting a card to a family member who has just made it through a tense medical emergency with a card that you picked up off the dusty racks of Car Wash U.S.A. is not necessarily inspiring.
Car wash greeting card buying is, in a word, lazy. Vocally communicating car wash greeting card buying is, in a phrase, very very very very depressing.
Prognosis on car wash greeting card buying is, in a run-on finale to this piece: really really not good because of the above reasons that which you have just read and if there’s anything that can be done about it in the near future like lobbying car wash owners to remove this aspect from their business along with the stale dried pineapple slides and horrid toffee peanuts, then it should be done.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Worse yet: A cloth flower wrapped in cellophane with a little bear stuck to it.
Comment by nic — August 24, 2005 @ 8:35 am
Would you still be upset if they got you some of those really nice scented beads for your car, along with the card? It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Comment by Charlie — August 24, 2005 @ 8:48 am
What if they gave you Ozium, too?
Comment by Amy — August 24, 2005 @ 9:04 am
Sometimes I’m reminded of an event I need to purchase a card for by seeing the cards in the car wash waiting area, but I’ve never actually PURCHASED a card from the car wash.
Mostly because it takes me an hour to pick out the perfect card and it only takes them fifteen minutes to wash my car.
Comment by leesepea — August 24, 2005 @ 9:07 am
What’s Ozium?
Comment by Pauly D — August 24, 2005 @ 9:07 am
Dude, it’s an odor counteractant and air sanitizer. Because isn’t the atmosphere inside *everyone’s* vehicle reminiscent of a landfill?
Comment by Meg — August 24, 2005 @ 9:15 am
Here in New York we drive our own cars through the car wash - no need to even get out of your car. Why exactly do you need to hand your keys over to someone else? Oh wait, is it just so you will have to look at the greeting cards? In that case New York needs to change it’s procedures so I will have more opportunity to buy you cards, Paul.
Comment by Hope — August 24, 2005 @ 9:40 am
Would you be less offended if someone told you they picked up your card while shopping for toilet paper or something at the drug store?
Comment by Hilary — August 24, 2005 @ 10:37 am
Funny you should mention this, because just yesterday I was grocery shopping at the Whole Foods and trying to pass by a couple looking at the cards. The husband then turned to the wife and said, “You know where they have really good cards? The car wash.” No joke. So don’t feel bad. Maybe someone made a special trip to the car wash just to get you a card.
Comment by Brie — August 24, 2005 @ 10:47 am
Must be some LA thing. We can’t buy cards at our local car wash. But I frequently pick up cards at the drugstore when going for toilet paper.
Comment by Rachel — August 24, 2005 @ 10:49 am
Personally, Hilary — if someone went to the drug store specifically to BUY ME A CARD, I would be pleased with that. But if they raced to the store to get toilet paper because they had to go to the bathroom, then while there and rushing down the aisle they realized they forgot to get a card and bought one — I don’t want that stinkin’ card.
It’s about what your motivation is. Did you go there to BUY ME A CARD or did you go there to BUY BIRTH CONTROL PILLS and oh, I guess I should get a card while I’m thinking about it too.
No one goes to a car wash with the expectation of getting someone a birthday card, wedding gift note or graduation greeting.
Comment by Pauly D — August 24, 2005 @ 10:49 am
What’s wrong with car wash cards? Are they equipped with fresh-pine-scented air fresheners?
Seriously, I don’t care where people get their cards for me. The fact that someone saw a card somewhere and thought of me when they saw it means that they’re thinking of me in random places, and it’s not like they felt like they had to make a special trip and it’s a chore because they had to get me a birthday card someplace and they’re going to pick just some card at the drugstore because they went there specifically to pick me up a card. If they know they have to get me a card and the right one randomly pops up while they’re at the car wash, so be it — it’s the right card for the job.
Comment by Keith — August 24, 2005 @ 11:17 am
Keith must obviously have a “signficant other” going around the web reading his comments.
That’s the only explanation I have for his “I love car wash greeting cards” comment above.
Comment by Pauly D — August 24, 2005 @ 11:20 am
hey why doesn’t my car wash here have cards? i was there just yesterday and all they had were machines to buy stickers, m & ms and rub on tattoos. what a rip off! stupid santa cruz.
i don’t mind where a person gets me a card but i do mind if they buy me some assinine card that proves they have put absolutely no thought into the card. and i hate when i get a card and all it says is “love, so and so” - i mean, write me a goddamned message or why not just forget about it?
huh, clearly i have some feelings about this…
Comment by ms. sizzle — August 24, 2005 @ 11:35 am
Oh you crazy Californians! We Massachusetts-folk bypass that whole thing and stay in our cars during the car wash. We even have totally automatic “Laser Washes” that must use lasers or something, but there’s no people to deal with at all! Just that stupid money taking machine. It’s kind of like a car wash vending machine. Er… whatever.
Comment by Glen C. — August 24, 2005 @ 11:37 am
Yes, but you people who stay in your cars during the carwash must then vacuum the car yourselves. Ah ha!
Comment by Hilary — August 24, 2005 @ 11:43 am
Are you kidding? Us stuck up Bostonians? Vaccum OUR OWN CAR? Haha. We pay someone to do it. Then we eat caviar as we watch the peasant worker toil.
Comment by Glen C. — August 24, 2005 @ 11:48 am
Am I the only one who washes his own car? I’m just askin…
I feel like I’ve missed out on this entire “car wash greeting card” sub-culture.
With that said… Living in Las Vegas, I have plenty to say about why slot machines should be banned in 7-11s and grocery stores (if anyone would like to discuss).
Comment by purpletwinkie — August 24, 2005 @ 12:12 pm
While I agree that the (working at the) Car Wash is not the ideal locale for purchasing a greeting card, I find it highly preferable that someone actually took the time to browse through all the cards at the rack (heh! I said, “rack”), purchased said card, and subsequently delivered it to you personally (or through the post) as opposed to those lazy slobs who email an effing link to an insufferable (and free!) Internet Greeting Card.
Comment by C Ro — August 24, 2005 @ 12:22 pm
We don’t have cards at our gas stations.
We barely have gas at our gas stations, let alone cards.
Oh you are so lucky to be living the american dream what with all those cards in those lovely gas stations..
Comment by Idil — August 24, 2005 @ 12:31 pm
I go to the grocery store specifically to buy cards. I usually end up buying like 5 or 6 at a time because they’re funny and/or they remind me of someone that I will eventually need to send a card to. I’m that girl who has a bunch of cards for every occasion JUST IN CASE.
Never bought them at a car wash though. My car wash sells candles and other assorted “gifts,” which is weird, but I usually just read a magazine while I wait.
Comment by Amber — August 24, 2005 @ 2:11 pm
It is vital, vital, with all cards to give the impression that you got up early on the day marked in your calender as “Buy X’s _____ Card!!”, had a good healthy breakfast so you’d be able to think straight for your task, got dressed in your sharpest shopping finery, took a few moments to commune with the card receiver’s soul, and then spent the rest of the day combing the markets and bazaars with an eagle eye for The Card That Deserves To Wipe The Boots of The Beloved Recipient.
I am stating for the record that this is how I buy ALL CARDS. And if pressed for more details, I will turn into The Sphinx.
Comment by Tina — August 24, 2005 @ 2:29 pm
I’m never buying you a birthday card…too much pressure.
K.
Comment by Kris — August 24, 2005 @ 2:32 pm
For my birhtday last year, along with a card, one of my friends got me vanilla-scented “after intimacy wipes.” I would’ve loved some dried pineapple rings.
Comment by Darrel — August 24, 2005 @ 2:40 pm
That ranks up there with flowers for a woman that still have the price tag on the cellophane.
Comment by Becky — August 24, 2005 @ 2:45 pm
isn’t it good she associates buying birth control and you?
Comment by anonymous city girl — August 24, 2005 @ 3:10 pm
You have a point there, acg.
Okay, let me adjust here. If you’re going to buy BIRTH CONTROL PILLS and you buy me a card, OK. FINE. But if you’re buying a toilet brush or a loofah or some Good n’ Plenty or one of those bottles of wax so you can wax whatever you’re going to wax — don’t buy me a card.
Ok. I feel better now.
Comment by Pauly D — August 24, 2005 @ 3:14 pm
heehee. i agree with Keith. funny, i don’t have a significant other.
wait, that’s not funny at all.
sorry. oh, when sending free e-cards, i usually email that person first expresssing desire to send said cards. then if it’s ok, then i send it to her/him. i know it nullifies the whole “surprise” aspect thing, but i know sometimes how tacky sending e-cards are (like C Ro mentioned).
sometimes?!
wait again, i think i have a significant other because we’re having these jealousy episodes. cute at first, draining now.
ok i’m rambling. sorry again.
tina’s comment had me chuckling. a sphinx indeed.
Comment by greenhemic — August 24, 2005 @ 3:34 pm
“found the perfect card with the perfect message about their brand new job promotion” while people get soaking wet for minimum wage behind you is not necessarily endearing. What your reason for telling your significant other that “this card just spoke to me” while “YMCA” plays over loudspeakers in the background as children scream for ice cream sandwiches…”
brilliant, really. i really did laugh out loud in my office, much to my colleagues dismay.
ooooh, i saw on some entertainment tv show that the lead singer of the village people was arrested for drug possession and has been living in a motorhome. i wonder if he ever hears YMCA while getting his motorhome washed?
Comment by jenny — August 24, 2005 @ 3:45 pm
I must live on another plane. Where can you get cards at the car wash? Do you guys have a juice bar there, as well?
Comment by kris — August 24, 2005 @ 4:55 pm
I bought a coupla programs for my computer so I can design and create my own greeting cards. ($pecial paper, ink, $pecial envelopes, more ink, etc.)
I spend hours and hours making them personal and/or funny. So what does my mother say when I ask her if she got my card?
“Oh, that computer THING?”
Comment by nic — August 24, 2005 @ 5:31 pm
I don’t have time to read these copious comments, but I protest! I go to the car wash specifically to get cards because, where I live (the culturally devoid Orange County) the very best selection of greeting cards can be found at the car wash.
In fact, just last week, I went to the car wash to buy cards for special people (like my son in the Army). I didn’t get my car washed though. I think they think I am weird there.
*p.s. We also buy a lot of our gag gifts and stocking stuffers there. What says “happy holidays” better than an air freshener that says “Pimp Daddy” on it?
Comment by Ms.Q — August 24, 2005 @ 5:33 pm
Paul Davidson never shows up as “updated” on my blogroll list… Some voodoo associated with your site methinks.
As for the carwash cards - I was at the carwash just the other week, walked in, and noticed a stand full of cards and thought to myself - how odd… who in the hell would buy a card for someone at a car wash.
You’ve answered my question!
And yes it’s rude…. Hello… ever heard of a hallmark? American Greetings? Carlton Cards? Hell, just go into a grocery store or Target.
Comment by Snidget — August 24, 2005 @ 8:41 pm
At least they didn’t send you an e-card that was the first one on the list…no thought involved….they at least had to pick one out and read it and see if it suited you
Miss
Comment by Miss — August 24, 2005 @ 8:52 pm
…may I add…people had better damn well like that card I give them or it will be their last. *wink*
Comment by Kris — August 24, 2005 @ 8:54 pm
So how do you feel about card hoarders that buy random cards from random places and store them against some future card shortage? The people that go through these cards on every card worthy event and find an OLD card that wasn’t specifically chosen for you?
Those people would be me except replace “go through these cards” with “forget completely about the cards she already has and goes to some place that sells cards (I’m not telling where) to pick out 6 or 7 new ones… at least 2 of which are appropriate for the current event” and “OLD” with “NEW”
Comment by sunshine — August 25, 2005 @ 6:44 am
I am currently formulating my thoughts on “card hoarders” and will get back to you on this subject matter as soon as I possibly can.
Formulating a thought, especially on “card hoarders” is a complicated process and does take up to 4-5 days (work days). This is something I can pretty much guarantee you, sunshine, but I promise that an answer is forthcoming.
Comment by Pauly D — August 25, 2005 @ 8:31 am
I always thought everyone got their cards at the 99cent Only store, like I do… (I also never wash my car)
Comment by Neil — August 25, 2005 @ 9:02 am
There’s just no winning with you.
Comment by Helena — August 25, 2005 @ 1:29 pm
You mean, there’s no losing with me.
Comment by Pauly D — August 25, 2005 @ 3:12 pm
I’ve never seen cards at a car wash.. unless they were postcards, which begs the question… Why would you buy a postcard at a carwash? With the carwash on it?? Hi, I came to Canada, stopped at a carwash, here’s a nifty postcard of said carwash. It’s neat because it’s Canadian.
By the way, all the cards I give are handmade. *smirk*
Comment by JanO — August 26, 2005 @ 7:42 am
Just the fact that I had no idea they sell greeting cards at the car wash, makes me think I don’t get out enough. It also reminds me that I need to wash my car. As for buying cards, I’m one of those people who go specifically to Hallmark to pic up specific cards. None of that generic buying cards in bulk to save a few bucks crap.
Comment by groovebunny — August 27, 2005 @ 1:15 pm
I was trying to find info about people who work at car washes, and found this! There are different kinds of car washes, I work at one where we only wash the exterior, people go thru the car washes themselves. Although, I think it would be better if people did have to get out, because they don’t know HOW to go through a car wash! Does anyone know what NEUTRAL, NO BRAKE means?! Anyway, I’ve never been or worked at a wash that sells stuff in them. I suppose it depends on how wealthy the area is. Just FYI, car wash workers like tips. We appreciate them very much. A dollar goes a long way. We work harder than you think we do. The full time workers anyway. In 90 degree weather or in the middle of an arctic freeze, we’re stuck in a cruddy building spraying bird crap off your cars and standing for hours with soaked feet. Sorry to ramble, I buy cards from CVS. Dollar store cards are too cheap, Hallmark is too expensive. Or make my own ones.
Sorry to intrude
~Jennifer (Detroid, MI)
Comment by Jen — September 20, 2005 @ 4:10 pm