My Words, Their Filibuster

fil·i·bus·ter n. The use of obstructionist tactics, especially prolonged speechmaking, for the purpose of delaying legislative action. An instance of the use of this delaying tactic.

Usage: The Congressman from New York, hoping to delay the passing of an abhorrent piece of legistature, filibustered for over 12 hours, discussing the issue at hand, along with other subjects unrelated to the current proposed law.

It seems, Congress is using my words as their filibuster.

In just the last five days, WFME has received over 150 unique visits from Congress (house.gov) and there is only one obvious reason why. Currently, there must be some kind of legislature that our representatives do not want to see get passed. But there’s a problem, because they just don’t have the votes necessary to strike it down. What can they do? What is their way out?

Words For My Enjoyment.

While you may not know that the longest filibuster has been clocked in at about 24 hours and 18 minutes (by Strom Thurman in 1957), what you may know is that any Congressman can stand up in front of Congress and talk for as long as he wants, about whatever he wants — many times motivated by getting a little extra time before voting on new legislature. And the recent hits to WFME means one very exciting thing.

My words are being used to shape the course of this country’s lawmaking process.

In thinking about that, it got me wondering just which words our beloved Congressmen and women would be reading to pass the time. Would they be talking about the state of weapons in the world, referencing my words on how rubberbands could be the new bullet? Or perhaps, switching to foreign relations, would they be reading my words on war with Canada? Or, perhaps, just looking to liven up the whole floor of Congress, would our dedicated lawmakers decide instead to discuss how elevators are stinky germ receptacles?

Either way, Congress is talking about these words and it’s a pretty exciting moment for me.

For someone who has always wanted their opportunity to speak their mind in such a historical forum, I have often thought about running for local office. Perhaps mayor. Or neighborhood watch foreman? Know that I have never really put much thought into such things, but I’ve dreamed about it happening. About how it would all play out. The horrible election smear campaigns and such. Well, no longer. Now that my words are being uttered throughout the hallowed halls of the 109th Congress, I can sleep soundly knowing that our leaders are guffawing as they hear about how I can convince you that chicken strips are better than fish sticks.

God, you so know that those Congressmen and women are having the TIME. OF. THEIR. LIVES.

But there is a dark side.

What if, for example, said referenced filibustering Congressperson (easier to say this than man and women and it takes up far less text although this parenthetical explanation has messed up that whole concept) reads absolutely everything in my archives? What if they’re reading some of my boring posts? What if the Congresspeople start e-mailing other people in D.C. and telling them that they “are so bored with this WFME filibuster”?

What then becomes of me?

You know how people may be talking about you behind your back but you don’t know it and you’re no worse off because of it? And do you know how, as soon as you know people are talking about you behind your back you just can’t get settled? Because you don’t know what people are saying about you?

That’s the “Congress is using WFME as a filibuster” double-edged sword.

If only I knew what was really going on. If only I knew if Congress was enjoying my words. If only I knew who, from Congress, is accessing my words again and again and again.

Maybe if they’d show themselves… Just maybe… Maybe we’d have another Deep Throat revelation on our hands. Just maybe.

Then again, maybe not.

17 comments on “My Words, Their Filibuster

  1. Dylan - August 6, 2005 at 1:06 pm -

    Ah man! I wanna be used as filibuster reading material!

  2. JM - August 6, 2005 at 2:45 pm -

    One time Congress tried to use JSDC for a filibuster but it was too awesome.

  3. meme - August 6, 2005 at 3:33 pm -

    I would be more worried for the state of our country if you were getting visits from the Dept of Education.

  4. Neil - August 6, 2005 at 5:49 pm -

    That’s so funny that you’re getting so many hits from Congress. I’m getting all these hits from some place in Washington called “Homeland Security.” I also thought I saw a van outside my home with “Homeland Security” written on the side of the van. What do you think this is all about?

  5. Pauly D - August 6, 2005 at 6:11 pm -

    I think between your naked doll pictures and my Jon Cryer stories we’re probably considered terrorists, Neil.

    Delete those hard-drive files, quick!

  6. Daniel - August 6, 2005 at 9:37 pm -

    The question is: Will you use your newfound influence for good or evil? 🙂

  7. Idil - August 6, 2005 at 11:05 pm -

    As long as they dont think you’re hiding weapons of mass destruction under your bed or that you’re about to unleash chemical weapons upon America you should be safe.
    Maybe they’re about to pass a series of laws influenced by you?
    “Paul Davidson Laws of Common Sense”

  8. jenny - August 7, 2005 at 12:43 am -

    forget the politics talk, dear….it’s not entertaining enough….

  9. MissMeliss - August 7, 2005 at 1:11 am -

    I’m here from Michele’s, and am only awake at this hour because I have 5 more hours of blogathon to complete. I’m sure if I were more awake I’d be able to write something relevant to your post instead of just this: Great post, I enjoyed it. I’ll be back later to read more of your stuff.

  10. Humor Girl - August 7, 2005 at 1:14 am -

    I’ve always wanted to know what that means!! lol Thanks! And thanks for stopping by. 🙂

    By the way: I CAME ON MY OWN! 😉

  11. Humor Girl - August 7, 2005 at 1:15 am -

    PS. I love the look of your site…very, very clean! And sharp! What did you use to create it?

  12. Pauly D - August 7, 2005 at 7:52 am -

    Jenny – that’s exactly the point… When Congresspeople use my words to filibuster, well, it will put the rest of Congress to sleep, which will in turn cause legislature to not pass, which will cause the country to crumble into a pile of… Well, this didn’t work out the way I expected…

    MissMelisss – Thanks for swinging by, and no matter what you say about your lack of relevantity, listen up…YOU ARE RELEVANT. Say that three times and then look in the mirror and smile. (Brush your teeth first.)

    Humor Girl – I am your one stop shop for S.A.T. words. Think of this post as your own prep course for, you know, the S.A.T.. As for the design of the blog, thanks — it’s WordPress and Erik Sagen designed it for me.

  13. Jean-Luc Picard - August 7, 2005 at 8:02 am -

    Smart looking blog; well put together.

    Michele sent me this way.

  14. Pauly D - August 7, 2005 at 8:11 am -

    All I have to say is this:

    I always wanted Jean-Luc Picard to visit me. Now, had you only said “THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE” my life would have been completely perfect.

    Oh, well. I can dream, can’t I?

  15. Sarit - August 7, 2005 at 8:12 am -

    Hi Pauly!
    Thanks for commenting on Expecto 🙂
    I was curious too see who it was that was sure be updated so I came over to say hello.

    Hello, then 🙂

    Sarit

  16. Paul N. - August 7, 2005 at 8:18 am -

    Visiting here from Michele’s M&G. Interesting blog, and very well put together. One of these days, when I’m resting, I’ll visit again–like tomorrow at work.

  17. Erin - August 7, 2005 at 8:24 am -

    hahahahah! you are hilarious!!! tell congress i said hello, and send them my way if they run out of your archives! 😉

    i’m here via michele!

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