WFME’s It’s True! (Paula Abdul is Crazy Edition)

Seems that Paula Abdul is crazy.

Whether or not you thought she was crazy when she danced her way into Janet Jackson’s music videos… And whether or not you thought she was crazy when she married cad-about-town Emilio Estevez… And whether or not you thought she was crazy when she argued and cried over her interactions with Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson on American Idol

And whether or not it made you cringe when it came out that she’d hooked up (supposedly) with an Idol contestant…

Seems that Paula Abdul is crazy.

Jumping on the “it’s Summer and there ain’t anything else good on TV so why not capitalize on a dance show that the rest of the American public can get behind” bandwagon — Abdul jumped onto the FOX copycat show So You Think You Can Dance hoping for another long run on another ego-centric show. Seemingly — the word is leaking out now (right here, an exclusive) that Abdul will most likely be saying goodbye to this show a mere few episodes into the equation.

Why? Because she’s crazy.

Did you know that Paula Abdul has been rumored to have said that she communicates with the dead soul of Liberace? Did you know that she has contemplated having a “wardrobe malfunction” just because old-friend turned nemesis Janet Jackson did? Did you know that Paula Abdul eats thirty to forty pine nuts at every meal because she believes it helps her balance? Did you know that she also has been said to have worn socks WITH sandals?

I know. It’s true!

Did you know that there was a time when Paula Abdul believed she was 32? This was last month when someone asked her how old she was and she said that she wasn’t quite sure but thought that she was 32. Someone asked to see her I.D. and when she looked at it she was actually, honestly surprised to find out she was a bit older than 32. She immediately ate some pine nuts to take her mind off the age issue.

Yes. Totally true!

Did you know that two weeks ago, Paula Abdul stopped at a local Los Angeles coffee shop and when the behind-the-counter staff asked her if she wanted whole milk or skim milk in her latte she reportedly told them that she doesn’t drink milk because she doesn’t eat anything that’s white? WHITE. And then seconds later, ordered a bagel and cream cheese using a different voice whom she credited to Prince Valiant — another soul from days gone by that happens to live inside her mouth.

110% True.

Whether or not you believe the fact that Paula Abdul once killed her pet hamster on purpose, or that there was a time when she obsessively would thread a pin between the extra skin on the edge of her thumb, or that she often required sixteen bottles of FIJI water in her Idol dressing room (but asked that every other one was freezing cold), or that she gets the shivers when someone mentions the words “cotton candy” — it doesn’t quite matter much to me.

Because she’s crazy. And in Hollywood, there just isn’t enough “crazy” to go around.

That is, except for in the head of Ms. Abdul — who, didn’t you hear, recently paid slave labor in Nairobi to wash the aged cheese powder off a thousand bags of Pirate’s Booty so it wouldn’t look like she was doing coke after compulsively eating the popcorn snack non-stop?

Cray-zee. What did I tell you?

13 comments on “WFME’s It’s True! (Paula Abdul is Crazy Edition)

  1. Enigma - July 31, 2005 at 2:05 pm -

    yeeeeeeeeeeah, one thing is true. obviously, hollywood has it’s fair share of crazy.

  2. Glen C. - July 31, 2005 at 3:21 pm -

    Fair Share? They have the craziest people out there. There should be a comparison entitled “Paula Abdul or Crazy Homeless Person?” Or Tom Cruise for that matter.

  3. Pauly D - July 31, 2005 at 3:48 pm -

    That would be a great piece, Glen. I can see it now:

    This person eats out of the garbage! Is it Paula Abdul or Crazy Homeless Person!? Paula Abdul!

    This person hears voices! Paula Abdul!

    This person is, in their heart, really quite nice! Crazy homeless person!

  4. Tavis - July 31, 2005 at 4:03 pm -

    Ha! Great article. I liked the random Prince Valiant reference. It reminds me of an editorial I wrote a while ago, although with the crazy person being myself. It sort of has the same outline, although I think yours is better.

    It’s archived here

  5. groovebunny - July 31, 2005 at 4:19 pm -

    I’d have to say between that insane hairdo in the pic and the sock and sandals incident, lock her up and throw away the key. Hehe I expect after this entry you shold be hearing from Crazy’s people real soon???

  6. Will - July 31, 2005 at 4:31 pm -

    I agree with everything you have said wholeheartedly, except for ONE thing. I can never get behind the show So You Think You Can Dance. Why? Because it twice pre-empted The Inside—one of the great shows on television today. Or at least it was, when it was ON television.

    It would seem that we have found some more common ground, Paul: FOX has a habit of axeing the shows that mean most to us.

  7. Ares - July 31, 2005 at 9:12 pm -

    I like crazy!
    I am crazy too!!!

  8. Neil - July 31, 2005 at 9:31 pm -

    Pine nuts help lower cholesterol. So, who’s crazy now, Pauly? Huh?

  9. nic - August 1, 2005 at 7:16 am -

    Sounds normal to me.
    And you know, eating out of the trash doesn’t make you crazy … more like insanely hungry. (might as well, can’t dance)

  10. monkeyinabox - August 1, 2005 at 7:44 am -

    She found a way to make some cash with American Idol. Can’t be all crazy.

  11. StationeryQueen - August 1, 2005 at 8:25 am -

    She’s nutty. hahahahahaha
    Straight up.

  12. jenny - August 1, 2005 at 10:47 am -

    I hope we are not suprised by her actions. I mean come on, she’s only now sorta famous because of American Idol. She was never like, Julie Roberts status. And really this shit happens to everyone, we just know about her shit because she is on TV. I’m entertained just watching her odd mannerisms. It seems to take alot of effort to make movement happen in her face…

  13. jenny - August 1, 2005 at 10:49 am -

    Oops, I mean Julia Roberts…

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