WFME’s You Decide: Affection or Inflection?

It’s an age old question that has been tested throughout History and time, absolute.

In seeking the company of another, what is it that causes them to fall for you? Is it candy? Power? The size of your automobile? Your job? Your money? Your ability to eat three packets of saltine crackers in less than one minute? What is it, exactly, that communicates to another person how you feel about them, what you’re looking for, and how much you care about them.

Most people say it’s all about showing affection.

Yet, affection is overrated. With society jamming the concept of affection down our throats via greeting cards, Hallmark Hall of Fame movies of the week and Coldplay-inspired montages on a variety of network primetime shows, the concept of affection is becoming the most commonly suggested way of communicating to another how you feel about them. Romance is affection, some have said.

But I disagree wholeheartedly.

I say that affection is far less effective than inflection, or the ability of someone to enunciate and loudly-profess certain phrases to the point of getting annoying. I’ve done the work and the research and would like to present that to you now.

Scenario #1: A young man and woman, at a romantic dinner. The young man’s goal? To make sure his date knows that he loves her.

Affection: The young man touches her hand, caressing it.
Inflection: The young man says, very loudly: “HEY! You ROCK girl!!!”

Scenario #2: A pair of old newlyweds, having been together for over 50 years are sitting in a park, feeding the birds.

Affection: The old woman reaches up, fixing her husband’s hair.
Inflection: The old woman screams, “THESE BIRDS HAVE RABIES!!”

Scenario #3: At a wedding, a couple sits at their head table.

Affection: The groom feeds a piece of a cake to his new wife.
Inflection: The groom says, loudly, “HAHAHAHA!!”

Affection versus Inflection. The battle may rage on as time marches forward, but if you ask me — the louder you are, no matter what you say, communicates affection far better than some of those quiet, sissy hand motions, eye-glares, and yes…candy.

Disagree with me. I dare you.

Tomorrow, don’t forget about WFME’s weekly “Words For Your Enjoyment” — where you provide the idea, we possibly use it, and you get props for your creative genius. (We’re also giving out props this week from the Encino High School’s recently wrapped production of Oklahoma! Go ahead, try us. Submit your idea here.

17 comments on “WFME’s You Decide: Affection or Inflection?

  1. StationeryQueen - July 21, 2005 at 8:41 am -

    The candy doesn’t say “affection” to me, but having my husband know which candy would knock my socks off shows the man pays attention.

    But I’m all for loud announcements, too, especially in the aisles at Target or the grocery store.

  2. kristine - July 21, 2005 at 9:12 am -

    YOU FORGOT TO END YOUR PARENTHTETICAL THOUGHT, SWEETIE!

  3. anonymous city girl - July 21, 2005 at 10:25 am -

    I go for the declaring my love for someone at the top of my lungs while beaming him in the head with chocolates.

  4. sarah - July 21, 2005 at 12:56 pm -

    i get kind of.. irritated when my boyfriend says I LOVE YOU too many times in a row. it’s not like i keep count.. but after the first few times in a period of 15 minutes.. i’m annoyed. (repetativeness is annoying)

    say it once. jeez.

    besides, i know he loves me when he looks at me. i can see it.

    that said.. shouting at the top of his lungs in a large croud that he loves me.. would be OK.

  5. Neil - July 21, 2005 at 1:06 pm -

    Never heard of a woman wanting her man to stop saying, “I love you” before. And, Sarah, how do you know he loves “you” when he gives off that look, and not the salami sandwich on the table behind you?

  6. Leese - July 21, 2005 at 3:31 pm -

    I like to hear “I love you” once or twice a day. I don’t want to hear it said too many times to the point that it becomes an ordinary thing to say.

    I like chocolates too but really, how hard is it for a man to get me a box of chocolates? How hard is it to send flowers online?

    I like the little things better.

    My husband never complains when I ask him to go to the drug store to get me a box of tampons, thong liners and Midol.

    If that doesn’t scream love, I don’t know what that is.

  7. Kathleen - July 21, 2005 at 4:03 pm -

    What really makes me happy, is a guy that knows what movie this is from, “I can’t hear you, you’re trailing off. And did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?”

  8. Pauly D - July 21, 2005 at 6:04 pm -

    Kristine – I am pioneering the art of the one-sided parenthetical, FYI.

    As for the rest of you, it seems as if you’re all jumping on the side of INFLECTION versus AFFECTION. You made a wise choice, so thank you for doing so.

  9. hkd - July 21, 2005 at 8:03 pm -

    i’m all about major affection. of the dirty, sweaty sort. you can throw in the inflection in the middle of it as well, by yelling “goddamn heather, you are good in the sack!” and i’ll say back “who knew i’d be fucking god tonight?

  10. Bartzville - July 21, 2005 at 8:27 pm -

    Check the new blog…I dedicated a whole paragraph of praise to your blog…hysterical…and once I get unlazy Ill add it to my links

  11. Pauly D - July 21, 2005 at 9:01 pm -

    Now that’s the inflection I’m talking about, Heather.

  12. groovebunny - July 22, 2005 at 12:21 am -

    LOL. I totally hear what Heather’s saying. Unfortunately though, I’m a huge sucker for affection. If ever I had a downfall that’s probably it.

  13. Fully - July 22, 2005 at 5:25 am -

    For me, it’s neither affection or inflection… it’s infection. So long as I don’t end up with a case of crabs or chlymidia; I’m pretty sure that it’s love.

  14. hkd - July 22, 2005 at 3:52 pm -

    well, let’s just say i’m hear to please.

  15. hkd - July 22, 2005 at 4:00 pm -

    but i am def. not “here” to spell “hear” correctly.

  16. […] Previously, WFME has asked you if you preferred Jon or John, affection or inflection, Pepto or Necco and “Bless You” or “Cough-it-easy”. In doing so, the WFME readers came together collectively to decide and came to a conclusion that both helped each person on an individual level and together as a group. Honestly, it was a heart-warming tradition that people were desperate to see again. […]

  17. […] That’s why WFME likes to periodically give you the choice of the decade, except that since I’ve given you this choice five other times before today over the course of two years means that WFME is technically giving you the “five choices each decade” to make an important decision that will never affect your future yet prepare you for obscure events that may, potentially happen to you. Then again, since this is the sixth time, you’re gettin “six choices each decade” which is more choice then the government actually gives you over the course of four years. […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.