If The 4th Was Called “Bimbo”
July 4th, 2005
It could happen.
Our founding fathers, in an attempt to bring a little levity into the whole Declaration of Independence signing moment, decide to change the 4th of July into something a little quirkier. They pick a word out of nowhere, a word that has yet to really mean anything, but which makes them giggle when they say it. Andrew Jackson and Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock… They all revile in the uniqueness of it all.
Happy Bimbo, Everyone!
Personally, I would be far more interested in hearing about people’s holiday today if they sat me down and started telling me how their “Bimbo” was. What they ate for their Bimbo. What they think they’re going to do for their Bimbo, next year. How there was so much food available on their Bimbo that it just made them totally, fully sick.
Sure, I could sit here and talk to you about how today’s holiday causes people to eat insane amounts of food (sixteen hotdogs, a pound of cole slaw, a half of cake, some beer and fruit) and then surprisingly decide to THEN take off their shirt and allow the sun to give them cancer while everyone else has to look at their midrift… But seriously, I’d rather talk about my Bimbo.
If you must know, assuming the above change was instituted by our Founding Fathers, I would be writing to you today to tell you that I planned on going to my friend’s house all because of my BImbo. And that when I got there, I planned to celebrate and party it up in an attempt to really do up my Bimbo. I mean, you can’t wake up one day on your Bimbo and not do everything in your power to make it a happy Bimbo. The Bimbo only comes around once a year, so you’ve got to really take advantage of the Bimbo.
Man, if I only had the power to change the names of holidays. Maybe then, people would spend less time worrying about eating and drinking and getting off work, and more time enjoying the conversations on one of the biggest holidays of the calendar year:
“I blew off my hand for the Bimbo.”
“I ate so much, that I threw up on the Bimbo.”
“Yeah, me and my girlfriend made love on the Bimbo.”
Everybody loves the Bimbo.
Pauly, I’m not sure if you’ve ever been more right. Personally, I’ll be celebrating the Bimbo by sitting back, relaxing, maybe catching a movie, and doing all sorts of other things that hopefully won’t get my hand blown off. (Although, I suppose of all the days of the year, the Bimbo would be the best one on which to lose a hand.)
Comment by Will — July 4, 2005 @ 10:58 am
Wouldn’t Halloween be a better “Bimbo” day? In that it’s an excuse for every girl’s inner-bimbo to come out and play under the guise of “costume”.
Thanks for the words the other day. I like the new look of the site.
Hope you’re well, Pauly D! (ps-Dude, come in to the bar, let me get you drunk-I’ll only sell your kidney to a worthy blackmarket charity)
Comment by meghan — July 4, 2005 @ 10:12 pm
You know, I’d like a day to be a Bimbo… but then again maybe I’d like to have Bimbo day every day. Hmmm… I wonder if I’d get tired of it? Nahhh…
Thanks for the laughs!!!
Comment by Karen — July 5, 2005 @ 4:54 am
Loving the new site! I hope your Bimbo was Bimtastic!
Comment by groovebunny — July 5, 2005 @ 7:07 am
Meghan - I’m always up for giving away a kidney! Woo hoo!
Comment by Pauly D — July 5, 2005 @ 7:18 am