Words for My Enjoyment

The Post Where I Lament About Not Getting Any More Calls From Solicitors

June 22nd, 2005

Uh, so…yeah.

They stopped calling me. The solicitors who rang my phone every day on the hour have decided, based on some information which I am not privy to, that I am no longer worthy to call.

I’m not kidding, here. I used to get a call or two a day from phone solicitors. I used to get calls often where I said “hello” and there was a silence, then the sound of people talking way off in the background, and then my personal solicitor finally coming to the phone to offer me the latest in deals, special pricing plans and complimentary gifts.

But no more.

Strangely, the entire solicitor well dried up right around the time I figured out how to record calls on my telephone. I eeked one call out and got it up on WFME, but after that… After the laughter and glee…

They just stopped calling.

I never thought I’d say this. I never thought, had you told me a year ago, I’d be about to vocalize such a thing. But I want them to come back. Really, I do. Really, really really. I want the phone solicitors to call me at all hours of the night, sometimes even just with the sound of fax machines blurbing through my receiver. I want them. I need them.

I am desperately seeking solicitors.

So I send the call out to you, SBC Pacbell! I holler the invitation to you, people of Pitney Bowes! I scream from the treetops for you to return to my busom, Los Angeles Times! I call, I holler, I scream and I plead.

Come back.

Please?

—

In other news, I have gotten official word from Warner Books that my currently untitled book, but not really untitled it’s just secretly titled will be RELEASED JULY ‘06. This means that if you save one dollar every month until July — you will have $12 bucks!! And that should buy you a copy, and a churro if you buy it online with the Amazon Churro Special Offer I believe will be coming.

Just so you know.

Posted under Solicitors, The Post Where.... |