Words for My Enjoyment

Why My ‘Indecent Proposal’ Would Have Been A Little Less Indecent

June 9th, 2005

My “indecent proposal” would have been a little less indecent.

You’ve seen the movie Indecent Proposal where a richy rich guy played by Robert Redford offers a struggling couple (who wants to build their dream home) a very unique deal. He’ll pay the couple one-milllllllliiioooooon dollars if the woman (played by Demi Moore) will spend one night with him. Well, she talks it over with her husband (played by Woody Harrelson) and they agree that it’s just one night and in the end, isn’t it worth it for their dreams to come true?

Of course, you can imagine — over the course of the night she ends up sleeping with the guy… Woody goes crazy… And although they get the money, their life falls apart after the fact because of the jealousy and Demi not telling Woody what went on, and so on and so on.

Lives are ruined. All because of one indecent proposal.

I mean, c’mon. Do I really have to be indecent just because I have a million dollars to throw at a woman? A married woman, nonetheless? Wouldn’t it be just a little less indecent, if instead of offering one million dollars to her for spending one night with me — that I would offer them one million dollars for spending the night together?

And, instead of wining and dining the woman (alone, with me) on my boat out in the middle of the Ocean (an obviously romantic escapade) — why not instead make it a little less indecent and offer that her husband could come along. And while they were at it, bring some of their friends? And while they’re all there together on my yacht — let’s throw a karaoke party or something and really have some fun? And get some sushi cookin’? In the meantime, I would probably go down into the hull and watch Shakespeare In Love while I was at it.

And instead of, after the fact, causing the woman to fall in love with me after her marriage falls apart due to the indecent proposal I had made — why not make it a little less indecent and offer to pay for the couple to renew their vows and a huge ceremony at one of the most expensive spots in the country? Hell, out of the country! Give them a gala event that seals their love forever? That locks those two in a fantasy life they will never get out of! Celebrate their love!?

And you know, instead of saying things to the husband like, “You made the deal, you’ve gotta live with it now”, I could maybe do things in a little less indecent way by letting them go back on the deal even after I’d given them a check payable to CASH for one milllliiiooooooon dollars? Let them take the money. Let them screw me over. At least then, it would be a little less indecent.

‘Course, I’d probably be broke by that point too.

Cause if I went around making sure that all my damn financial proposals weren’t indecent by any means, and I’m giving up money and throwing parties for couples and their friends and throwing weddings and all this crap just to be politically correct and try to be a little less indecent… Well, I’m filing chapter eleven, people.

God, what a horrible businessman I would be then.

Hmm.

Maybe Robert Redford’s character really DID know what he was doing there.

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In other news, tomorrow’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” is here again. That’s where you get bored, you flip through a magazine, you find an article, you paraphrase it as your own idea in an e-mail to me, and I use it for tomorrow’s column. And then, you get credit for work you didn’t do by yourself!! Man, isn’t America great?

In design news, I have just gone live with the Paul Davidson dot Net site… where nothing, including me, is for sale. That’s the tag line. Say it with me. “Where nothing, including ME, is for sale.” There’s still work to be done, but the design is up and some of the most pertient links are working — so I’d love to see what you think. (If you hate it, don’t tell me.)

Posted under Celebrities, DVD, Film, Proposals, Satirical Indecency, What If. |