I Have Seven-Hundred Thirty DVDs

I am the coolest guy you know.

That’s because there’s no one you know in this world who actually has seven hundred and thirty DVDs. That’s because all of my seven hundred and thirty DVDs are cataloged, alphabetized, kept in pristine condition, and hardly ever watched.

But that does not matter in the least, because I am the coolest guy you know.

Sometimes, in conversation, I try to insert in this little tidbit of information if not to simply justify to myself why I visit Best Buy or Tower Video every Tuesday so I can pick up the latest DVD offerings. I try to say something like, “Oh, I’m sorry your mother passed away last month but before she left this world did you happen to tell her that I have seven hundred and thirty DVDs?”

Usually the answer is no, which convinces me even further that I need to speak up more often.

There’s a big debate raging in the DVD collecting community, which I like to take part in as often as I can. It’s called The Ambiguous Count Factor and the argument goes back and forth between whether or not you can count a double, triple or multiple disc DVD as one DVD or the amount of DVDs included in the package. For example, do you count the first season of The Sopranos as one DVD — or five?

Did I mention that I am the coolest guy you know?

Sometimes I sit and stand in front of my wall ‘o DVDs and think to myself that if only this Ambiguous Count Factor could be decided in my favor that the title of this post would be more like I Have Eight-Hundred Sixty Eight DVDs and then, well, disrupting your thoughts on world peace and the horrors of terrorism would not be as bad because, well, I have eight hundred and sixty eight DVDs.

Usually, people’s responses are never what I’m expecting. Just like when you ask someone how you look in that dress, or if you look fat, or if your hair looks OK — the answer never matches what you’re hoping for. That’s why I have crafted a list of ten phrases which I would LOVE to hear upon me announcing the amount of DVDs I currently own. These replies are:

Oh my god! Are you serious?
That’s like friggin’ amazing, dude! You’re my DVD idol!
Wow, you’re like the GOD of digital entertainment!
Digital Video Disc? Try Davidson Video Disc!
Give me my phone – I have to call someone and tell them!
I am so unworthy.
When can I come over and see all of them?
Man, talk about accomplishing the ultimate goal!
Dee-Vee, Damn!
You are the coooooolest guy I know!

Yes, it’s true. I have seven hundred thirty DVDs (or more) and it is an accomplishment that was only made possible by, well, um…money, I guess. Yeah.

But there’s some kind of skill involved.


In other news, the NPR bandwagon continues this week as Michelle Norris and the rest of the audio crew stops by the homestead for an ultra-secret interview about an ultra secret subject. More details forthcoming.

In additionally-other news, I wanted to officially announce that during the week of June 13th, Words For My Enjoyment will be posting from Boston, MA. That’s right — thoughts, musings, and insanity from America’s only city named Boston, MA.

In even more exciting additionally-other news, my official website paul davidson dot net is about to enter “overhaul stage” so that it will eventually house all things WFME, all things books & media, and my entire DVD collection for all to peruse. If you work with Moveable Type and/or are a graphic designer looking to help a poor guy out, please contact me.

8 comments on “I Have Seven-Hundred Thirty DVDs

  1. casey - June 5, 2005 at 2:51 pm -

    You are the coooooolest guy I know!

  2. fat dude - June 5, 2005 at 8:15 pm -

    i can picture you sitting on the floor surrounded by hundreds of dvds and just counting them while you laugh maniacly — “I am a golden God!”

  3. T. Malone - June 5, 2005 at 10:28 pm -

    As someone who only has approx. 150 or so titles (“titles” is my way of getting around the A.C.F.), I must bow to you for your mad alphabetizing skillz. Now tell me, do you keep concert/music DVDs with your “regular” DVDs, or do you have a special section? And would you file them under the artist’s name, or the name of the concert? Can you tell I have alphabetizing issues?

  4. groovebunny - June 5, 2005 at 11:02 pm -

    I too have about 150 dvds and thought I was the coolest of collectors. But you are definitely the coolest-er-est with 730! I’d bow but I hurt my back falling down the stairs a few weeks back. So right now the best I can do is two thumbs up and a “Hi-Sign”(Lil’Rascals). 🙂

  5. Pauly D - June 6, 2005 at 7:44 am -

    Well Mr. Malone – all concert DVDs or DVDs with live music of any kind goes under the name of the band. But movies ABOUT bands – like the documentary Gigantic about They Might Be Giants, gets filed under the name of the movie about the band.

    Multiple concert DVD’s are alphabetized by date, from earliest to most recent. Bootlegs go at the end.

    Hope that helps. I have an Excel chart and Powerpoint presentation that spells this all out if you’re interested.

  6. T. Malone - June 6, 2005 at 9:11 pm -

    Good plan! And yes, please send me the Excel Chart and the PP presentation. Just don’t send it on DVD-R. I won’t know where to file it.

  7. KJ - June 6, 2005 at 11:50 pm -

    You should definitely post your list of DVDs so that we can buy the same titles as you, to honor your greatness in the art of DVD collecting.

  8. Angie - June 19, 2005 at 8:35 am -

    Approx $14,600 you have in DVD’s on one wall? Is your collection insured?

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