furniture \Furâ€ni*ture\ 1: that with which anything is furnished or supplied. 2: articles used for convenience in a house or apartment.
I have tried to beat FLARKE to a pulp. I have attempted to master all that is ENETRI. I have collapsed while reading the instructions for JARNA and have (I think) caused a blood clot on the left side of my brain while trying to screw together FAGERUM. In every single instance and experience with the foreign-furniture-food serving-amusement park they call IKEA, I have ultimately ended up in the corner, shaking with fear.
Previously, I created what the world now knows as The Movie Reviewer Construction Kit — where you could create your own single-line movie reviews by just picking and choosing from columns.
Because, secretly — that’s what all the big time reviewers do anyway.
But in honor of the release of today’s Spielberg extravaganza The War of the Worlds, I would like to present a special edition of the M.R. Construction Kit.
Just pick one line each from columns A, B and C (and tweak the tense or grammar if you must) and voila! Instant War of the Worlds movie quote.
club \â€™kleb\ 1: an association of persons participating in a plan by which they agree to make regular payments or purchases 2: to beat or strike with a heavy weapon
I am afraid of the Columbia House compact disc club.
The scariest thing about the Columbia House compact disc club is that even before â€œthe evil record and tape peopleâ€ (whose business cards were changed back in â€™91 to â€œthe evil compact disc peopleâ€) have started to suck you into their world of never-ending reply cards, check off boxes and glossy magazines touting â€œthis monthâ€™s special artist,â€ youâ€™re already their bitch.
I was sitting in a local Italian restaurant the other day.
Mind you, I wasn’t just sitting. I was eating some garlic bread, pushing my fork around in what used to be a huge plate of lasagna, and eavesdropping.
Yes, I was being bad.
But when you’re sitting just opposite a certain celebrity who you’ve seen on TV many times and who has brought laughter into the world, you expect that they’re going to be funny and happy-go-lucky in the real world too. But not today. Said TV celebrity was having issues.
“I ordered rigatoni,” he said. “This is penne. And I don’t like penne.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” the waitress shot back. “But you said penne. I have it written down right here. Look.”
If I was a blogger with a lack of short term memory…well, hmm. What was I going to say? If I was a blogger with a lack of… Of, hmm.
I like cheese. But that’s not what I was going to say.
Let’s see… I sat down here after eating something, I’m not quite sure what that was but that’s not the point because when I initially sat down here I… Wait. What was I saying? Where the hell did all of these words come from? I’ll be right back…there may be someone in the house who was on my computer a second ago…