Words for My Enjoyment

Sometimes, I Just Don’t Want To Get Ready

May 28th, 2005

It’s time for a little math.

It takes me five minutes to brush my teeth. It takes me ten minutes to shave. It takes me one minute to gear up for a shower and thirty seconds to get the water just right. It takes me five minutes to do the soap portion with the washcloth and another five minutes for the shampoo part. It takes me thirty seconds to dry off and thirty seconds to gear up for the hair portion of the morning. Then, it takes me three minutes to dry my hair, two minutes to add the product, one minute to shape, and thirty seconds to add the finishing touches. Then, it takes me five minutes to decide what to wear, five minutes to get dressed, and three and a half minutes to observe and adjust in the mirror on all counts to make sure things are ready to go. It takes thirty-six and a half seconds to put on my shoes or boots (trust me, I’ve clocked it and that’s as fast as I can go.) All in the total preparation time commitment totals in at about forty eight minutes, six and a half seconds per morning.

Sometimes, I just don’t want to get ready.

In comparison, let’s take a look at the time commitment required for a non-getting ready morning. It involves thirty seconds to get out of bed, ten seconds to put on a hat, and five seconds to decide to just wear what I wore to bed, and yes thirty-six and a half seconds to put on my shoes or boots. Total preparation time is one minute twenty one and a half seconds per morning.

That means I’m wasting about forty six minutes per day (approximately) and multiply that times 365 days per year and the startling results are these: by taking the time to get ready each morning I am wasting away approximately eleven and a half days per year.

And that’s just insane.

What about the people who tell you not to wash your hair every day, anyway? You know, they tell you that the natural oils in your scalp are GOOD for your head and if you shampoo each day that you’re just killing your scalp’s ability to create such oils?

What about the people who tell you that, as long as you use deoderant, the rest of your body doesn’t necessarily need to be cleaned as often. I mean, how often do you think the prehistoric humans jumped in water? Not much. Not much at all.

I hope to God that sometime in the near future, someone creates a mechanism that allows me to step inside a big pod, press a button, re-arrange my molecular structure, and get me ready all with a flick of a switch. Because, personally, this every day getting ready thing is starting wear a little bit thin.

Don’t even get me started on going to the bathroom. That’s a whole ‘nother computation altogether, and believe me — there’s a bunch of lost days there, too.

I just don’t wanna get ready.

Is that so wrong?

Posted under Hygiene. |