Did you happen to catch Oprah today?
Tom Cruise (42) showed up to talk about War of the Worlds which doesn’t open until the end of June, but spent most of the time acting like a total lunatic jumping on the couch and kneeling on the floor and laughing and smiling and getting all googly-eyed over his girlfriend of one to two months, Dawson’s Creek‘s Katie Holmes (26).
It has convinced me that every single thing Cruise is doing right now is all a means to an end. All in an attempt to hit Box Office Gold this summer. All to try and rise above those who are now making more money in the movies than he is.
Basically, it’s all a huge big stinking ruse.
Here’s some background on Cruise’s gaydom: information came to me years ago through reliable sources when Cruise was married to Mimi Rogers — the word off the street (i.e., in small and intimate friendly circles) was that Cruise was at least bi-sexual if not totally gay. But at that point in his life, his mega-huge Public Relations firm P.M.K. (Pat Kingsley’s firm) felt that in order to maximize his success and get more women to see his movies, that getting married would add to that allure.
It was only the beginning of the hijinx.
Since then, it’s been aluded to but never confirmed that each of Cruise’s girlfriends and/or wives have been more or less “engineered” in an attempt to continue making money for his Hollywood persona. But don’t get the women wrong — they’ve all benefitted in a huge way.
Take Mimi Rogers, first. Before she married Cruise, she was working but not in as many mainstream movies. Her marriage to him raised the level of buzz for her, but in the end didn’t work out as well as she’d hoped. Tom’s PR firm was quick to get him out of that relationship and into one that would “really have legs.” That next PR stunt was none other than marrying Aussie Nicole Kidman.
At that point, Nicole Kidman had only done one half-successful film called Dead Calm. It was her appearance in Days of Thunder which allowed her to “fall for Cruise” in the film and off-camera, and which began Tom’s 9 year 11 month marriage (at 10 years, Cruise would have had to split everything 50/50) to the red-headed Aussie. What followed, of course, was a string of box office gold for both sides of the equation. From Nicole Kidman’s Oscar status to Cruise’s box office boffo, the two continued the charade and adopted a few kids into the mix. Everyone, on every side was making out like a bandit.
And then, Cruise’s box office mojo started to slide.
It was around 1996, after Jerry Maguire‘s success, that Cruise and Kidman made a huge financial mistake. By locking the two up in a three year UK nightmare, filming Eyes Wide Shut for Stanley Kubrick, they disappeared off the face of the Earth, and away from prying eyes. The lack of success the movie had, once released, didn’t help Cruise’s follow-ups — which included Mission Impossible 2, a small part in Magnolia, and the confusing and unsuccessful Vanilla Sky.
With other actors making more money in the movies than Cruise, something had to change. Again. Behind the scenes a deal was struck with Penelope Cruz, whose latest movie Women On Top gained her a smattering of success (about the same as Dead Calm had done for Kidman), and got her some first parts in American films like Blow and Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Suddenly she was signed on by PR firm P.M.K. (Cruise’s PR firm) — and soon thereafter, a big role in Vanilla Sky opposite Tom Cruise appeared.
And that was about when the “marriage” between Kidman and Cruise was ended in a very contractually-mutual, business-like scenario. Kidman was already getting bigger than Cruise, had already started to win awards that Cruise had always dreamed of. And so Cruise’s PR firm did what was necessary to bring this male-star “back on Top.” They found an up and coming starlett, who had just started to get American movie roles, and they put the two together. Because, you see — any actress who is already a huge success would never agree to a “fake relationship” with Cruise. It’s the ones desperate for success that know, just like the unpopular kid who dreams of dating the head Cheerleader in high school, if you align yourself with someone famous — your fame will soon follow as well.
It’s enough to make you sick.
Today — we’re seeing the same kind of scenario but in an even more over the top way. Now no longer with P.M.K., Cruise’s sister represents him in all media situations. And with the Church of Scientology looking for their cruise-control meal ticket to keep on paying off — everyone is trying to do what they can to bring Cruise back to the top when it comes to box office gold.
What better way to get the young ladies interested again in Cruise than to put him together with a 26 year old up and coming star, who also has her first big American movie releasing this Summer?
On Oprah today, it was ridiculous. Cruise was smiling and laughing in an overly-actish way to try and “guard” his feelings. A man with not even two months clocked in a relationship is alluding to “talk of marriage” and “loving this wonderful woman.” Don’t get me wrong — I’m not one to shit all over a happy relationship, but this thing is engineered to the point of ludicrousness.
And it all makes total sense because Tom Cruise needs to steal back the young females of America from the other male stars of today. And what better way to do so than to:
1. Hook up with Katie Holmes.
2. Go on Oprah and mention getting married to her.
3. Pose half-nude in Details, with water dripping all over his chisled body.
4. Get Spielberg to agree that “this time it’s for real.”
Oprah asked Cruise why, this time, he was acting this way. Previously, he had been very private about his love life. He hadn’t been over the top or vocal about romance. And while Cruise said that he had “never been in love like this before” (which is insulting to those other women, unless of course they were all paid for the “acting role of a lifetime”) — the reality is more stark than that.
Tom Cruise is finally no longer represented by PR firm P.M.K., who controlled his media appearances like a governmental coverup. Today, having shed the firm, it’s a family affair, with his sister at the reigns.
Can’t you tell?
Personally, it makes me want to hurl. It is so fake and so over the top and no one like Cruise falls in love in 6 weeks, and then shows up for every possible photo op he can as often as he can with the new girlfriend. He is in a rush, people. He’s got a movie opening up at the end of June and if he doesn’t get the World to realize that he’s a happy, in love, heterosexual man who wants all women in the world to know that “he likes to treat his women right” and that he’s “a hopeless romantic” and that “sex is only amazing when it’s in an intimate relationship” and that “he took Kate (Katie Holmes) on a romantic motorcycle ride” and so on and so on — then his box office career may only be luke warm.
And for a guy like Cruise, luke warm ain’t gonna pay the rent.
By the way, the above was not a funny post.
(Picture courtesy of Defamer.)