Potato Salad Is The New Stalin

Don’t tell me politics and food don’t go together.

The fact is this: just like Stalin took control of the Soviet Union and turned that country into a true economic and social power based on harsh control and political intimidation, so too has potato salad done to Memorial Day and other holiday side dishes. By the time Stalin was done working over the USSR, he had created a single-minded power. So too, has potato salad.

To illustrate my heady point, let me ask you a question. If you were going to take one side dish to a BBQ, which side dish would you take? Most of you would say potato salad. Sure, some of you would say cole slaw or maybe baked beans, but really — who are we kidding?

Memorial Day MP3

God, it’s nice to have traditions.

Last year, WFME premiered the one feature that all the world was talking about — Memorial Day MP3 2004. We had a party, people were laughing and eating hamburgers, and there was free music to go around.

This year is no different, as the 2nd Annual Memorial Day MP3 finds its way to you…dear friends.

Here, for your listening pleasure is the latest MP3 by Imogen Heap (of Frou Frou fame) called “Hide and Seek.” The song, featured in the finale of The O.C. was used to great effect during a funeral sequence and has been on repeat on my computer for days now. If you like it — buy it!

Words From a Party

Apparently, Edward Furlong (Terminator 2) thinks he knows a lot about evil robots from the future.

I happened to be at a party yesterday evening and was standing near the now-not-so-young actor while he talked talked talked talked talked ad nauseum to a girl he was trying to impress:

Edward Furlong: “Yeah, see — those T-1000’s are made of shape-shifting liquid metal.”

Her: “Oh?”

Edward Furlong: “Yeah. But the thing is, they can’t turn themselves into complicated mechanical objects with moving parts, like a can opener or something.”

Her: “Aaah, cool.”

Edward Furlong: “Well, not really for him. See, those T-1000’s are constantly working on trying to perfect their technology so they can turn into metal machines with fully operational internally moving parts.”

Sometimes, I Just Don’t Want To Get Ready

It’s time for a little math.

It takes me five minutes to brush my teeth. It takes me ten minutes to shave. It takes me one minute to gear up for a shower and thirty seconds to get the water just right. It takes me five minutes to do the soap portion with the washcloth and another five minutes for the shampoo part. It takes me thirty seconds to dry off and thirty seconds to gear up for the hair portion of the morning. Then, it takes me three minutes to dry my hair, two minutes to add the product, one minute to shape, and thirty seconds to add the finishing touches. Then, it takes me five minutes to decide what to wear, five minutes to get dressed, and three and a half minutes to observe and adjust in the mirror on all counts to make sure things are ready to go. It takes thirty-six and a half seconds to put on my shoes or boots (trust me, I’ve clocked it and that’s as fast as I can go.) All in the total preparation time commitment totals in at about forty eight minutes, six and a half seconds per morning.

Sounds For Your Enjoyment: SBC Solicitors

If you’ve been an avid reader of WFME, you’ve been privy to my “screwing with phone solicitor” transcripts like this and this and this and this.

You asked, you pleaded…and so now ye shall receive. An actual audio recording of my latest call with a SBC phone services solicitor which can be listened to as a wav file or MP3.

Rule #1 of Phone Solicitors: Always take ALL the food out of your mouth before you call someone.